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Author Topic: afraid of dying; dilemma  (Read 263 times)

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Offline madeleine_m

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afraid of dying; dilemma
« on: April 22, 2014, 05:02:40 PM »
Hey, so. Iíve been plagued by irrational fears for the past yearÖ Iíve talked to a psychologist about it and she told me that I have ďan anxiety and compulsion problemĒ and yeah. Iíve been meaning to find a therapist, but things have been stressful in school and so I pushed everything asideÖ which was probably a mistake.
And now I have a pretty acute problem.
Iím supposed to go to a party on Thursday and Iím somehow utterly convinced that Iím going to die (in a car crash Ė this may have to do with the fact that a student from my school did, in fact, die in a car crash after a party). Iíve been feeling anxious about this for days and everything around me seems to fall into patterns... Iím probably overly obsessed with poetic stuff -- ďoh, wouldnít it be tragic if I died on the way to my first party, just after buying my prom dressĒ -- but yeah, this is the kind of thing I canít help but feeling right now.
I know this is probably not going to happen, as everything Iíve been afraid of during the past year hasnít come true, butÖ itís one thing knowing that by giving into my fears Iím letting them win and that I should be making steps forwards and not backwardsÖand  another actually facing that.
Thereís also the fact that Iíve let things slideÖ Iíve got so many obsessions and I keep just giving into them because I feel like the fight is just not worth it. If a certain book lying on top of a pile keeps me from sleeping, Iíll just put another over it, etc. Iíve gotten used to all of that and so divorcing the fear from the event has become hard for me.
I really donít know what I should do. On the one hand, if I go there and everything goes alright, this would probably do a lot for me and my fearsÖ but Iím seriously so afraid and itís been making me feel sad and horrible and melancholy. Today a friend visited me and I almost started crying after she left (becauseÖwell). I feel like Iím condemned.
At times I can almost convince myself and manage to separate this thing from my anxiety, butÖ this is so intense and Iím so afraid. I feel like I ought to go, as if I'm a failure if I donít (shouldnít let my anxiety rule my life), but. Still. The fear is very bad. 
Thereís also the fact that parties and clubs arenít my thing anyway and maybe all of this is just my huge nervousness about it manifesting. Maybe Iím stressing myself out about the whole thing too much Ė itís not like not going would be that badÖ but then again, maybe it is. Maybe I'm being overly whiny about this, but I...I really need help.

Can anybody give me some advice?

(I'm sorry if this isn't really coherent)
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Offline Cuchculan

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Re: afraid of dying; dilemma
« Reply #1 on: April 23, 2014, 05:51:47 AM »
Fact. Nobody knows when exactly we are going to die. Could be today. Could be in 50 years. That is why when a student dies in a crash the school offers support for other students. At least they should do. Most do. As it can have an effect on people. It clearly has on you. Dare I suggest you go to the party but use some other form of transport for now. Bit like breaking the chain of thought. If you went via a bus there would be no car to crash in. We don't want you avoiding cars for good. That will only make things worse. But just for this one party. Don't go in a car. Therapy would help. To understand why you have these fears. But trust me we have no clear date as to when we will die. Wish we did. I would order loads of stuff that I didn't have to pay for until a bill arrived. Take full advantage of it. How I wish. But go to your party. Have fun. Enjoy yourself. Death won't be knocking on your door. It is just an irrational fear most probably because of that other student who died.
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Offline madeleine_m

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Re: afraid of dying; dilemma
« Reply #2 on: April 23, 2014, 06:04:58 AM »
First of all, thank you a lot for your reply.
Sadly I can only go to the party by car (it's in a really inconvenient place)... but I've decided to go anyway. I can't let this fear rule me and I have the feeling that if I avoid this now, this will blow up really badly and become much worse. If I imagine where this is going to lead (too afraid of everything, dropping out of all plans, pushing everything away...)... no, I don't want this to happen. I think I need to face this.
(If I die, so be it)
(But I've been crying so often, was so often so terrified and utterly convinced that something horrible would happen and it hasn't. And it probably won't this time, either.)
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