I just can't stop crying. I'm holding my 2 year old sobbing. My head us full of those Internet horror stories of young CC victims. I wish I could just get this all over with today but I can't. My mind is consumed with what I'm going to do once she tells me what I'm fearing. My life is so amazing and I have so much still to do. I was actually HA free for a while until the stupid pancreatic cancer fear set in which made me obsessively watch my stool and then notice the bleeding and then cc fear was in full seing. the couple minths i stopped looking at my stiol was the best months i have had in a long time. then something clicks in my head and makes me get my flash light out and inspect every stool i pass so of course ill see something that looks like blood or is blood and im a wreck again. Back to google and reading stories of bloo in stool = CC. Even though there are about 10 aides for bleeding hems being #1 and CC being #10 I can only focus on #10.
I will be a wreck on that table getting the test done.
Lindsay please don't let your children see you like this. It's not fair on them, especially when they're too young to understand. This is your burden alone.
And for the love of christ, STOP GOOGLING. STOP. NOW. Because it will fill your head with stories that your anxiety-addled brain will use as 'proof' that you have CC. You get upset about something, your brain searches for proof that it is worth worrying about, and you feed it 'evidence' by googling, which increases your worry. You are just winding yourself up further and further. Of COURSE CC is the first thing that comes up when you google 'blood in stools' - the most serious thing is always the first thing to come up. This
is why we say don't google. That's why it's the golden rule. People on this site are trying to help you - "stop googling, take your zoloft, trust your doctor" - and you keep ignoring it. If you listened you might find yourself calming down.
Do yourself a favour. Stop freaking out in front of your kids, turn your computer off and go do something, anything else. And once again, I say, take the zoloft the doctor gave you. He/she gave it to you for a reason.