Hey everyone. Iím having a lot of troubles figuring out what exactly is going on. For years Iíve been having messed up inappropriate thoughts. Today Iíve even looked back to when I was a child, the messed up stuff I would do like pretending I was going to kill my sister because I thought it was funny, which now makes me feel horrible. I am constantly having violent thoughts of self harm or inappropriate sexual urges, or just messed up thoughts. Iíve been telling myself for years they are just intrusive thoughts, some people get them but itís getting really bad. I am flunking out of college, I just lost my girlfriend of 2 years, and now I am just really lost, and scared. To make matters worse, I saw on the news some normal seeming kid just stabbed 5 young nice people at a party, and this leads me to ask, what if I just lost it and did something horrible. I mean I already look at knifes as weapons, and have images in my head similar to a criminal minds episode, and constantly think of things that could harm myself or others. A few months before me and my girl broke up, I had a lot to drink at the bar, and she said on the way home I was acting ďschizophrenicĒ or crazy, and rambling on about the government, or how she was going to get raped. It scared her so much she left in the middle of the night in tears. Iím not the most secure person I should add, I mean I get along with almost everyone, but when I feel like I say something stupid, I will EASILY feel awful and beat up on myself for acting like an idiot and what not. I have also noticed smoking pot intensifies the thoughts, I am generally able to calm myself down to avoid having panic attacks, but its like thereís something going on inside me where messed up thoughts are taking over. Iím scared I wonít get it together and Iíll do something to hurt someone, or myself. I just want to feel in control, and understand what is happening. I donít want to worry about the state of my mental health every day, and worry about if I have one to many drinks Iíll go crazy. I know many people would advise against pot as well, but I enjoyed smoking pot once in a while until these feelings of anxiety kicked in. Other quick notes: I live alone in a city, and am certainly more prone to these feelings when I am not around friends. In a social setting, I usually feel more comfortable, and have less messed up thoughts. Not sure if that has to do with anything but yeah, any thoughts are seriously appreciated SO much! Thanks for reading, sorry for the length.