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Offline Snowy

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My anxiety story
« on: April 16, 2014, 11:15:20 PM »
(Firstly, I apologize if this is the wrong forum for this topic.  Feel free to redirect me if so!)

You may skip to the bottom for TLDR.

Basically, I just want to discuss how I got into this anxiety mess and hopefully talk about it with others.  I haven't really talked about this with anyone else, so I'm hoping writing it out will be helpful.  So really, thank you to anyone who reads all this and replies.  It would mean a lot.

Incoming wall of text!

A little about myself- I'm 25, with a very good imagination, love to create, and am a constant worrier.  I've always had pretty bad social anxiety to the point I've never had a job, and all my friends from high school have fallen out of my life (though I don't mind that part).  I've never had therapy or any kind of drugs for psychological problems.  In, I think, 2011, I went through an existential crisis which was brought on by my first trip to the dentist for a cleaning.  This also brought on a small fit of hypochondria that faded within a couple of months.

In 2012, I was at my best.  I was working out regularly, eating healthy, learning about myself, ok with the world, working on my social anxiety, and pushing myself to constantly get better.  The world was grand and I was in a very positive place.  When winter came, it all fell apart.

At Christmas, my family found out my sister, who had been married for 20+ years was having an affair with a sketchy person.  My sis has always been this great person, like the angel of the family, who always encouraged others to be good people.  She'd lecture if I put one toe out of line and had pretty high standards for life.  In a matter of months, she changed completely.  She became rude, pushed away, started lying to us, and acting so oddly that we swore she was on some kind of drugs.  She lost her job around this same time and continued to spin webs of lies while pushing her husband out of their house and away from their daughter.  Because of the turmoil she put him through, he's had a few heart attacks and suffered through a throat cancer diagnosis on his own (he is now in remission).

I kept a good distance, though, because I have a habit of shuffling things away to deal with "later".  Around this same time, my boyfriend of about four years left me from suddenly discovering he was gay.  I thought I was ok with this because we're still friends.  I didn't react at the time like I feel was appropriate.  I said ok and went on with my life, but I don't think I dealt with it at all.

Now, back to the mess my sister created.  At risk of sounding immature and selfish, because of her shenanigans, she's had to have a near constant babysitter for her daughter, which means I'm home alone most days out of the week.  I used to get out and go shopping, even if just to the grocery or the flea market or something.  Now, it's rare to get out at all.

Then, this February, I turned 25, and my mom has told me she could see the difference right away.  Hell, I'm 25.  Five years to thirty, one fourth done with my life.  I haven't accomplished anything, and I feel like I was born into the wrong world.  I feel afraid of everything that makes people functional, like driving, working, change, moving out, even going back to school.  Even getting health insurance has upped my anxiety.

Christmas 2013- the crap hit the fan.  There was a big blow-up at our house leaving my sister to storm off in tears, after which her boyfriend called and threatened my dad, leaving me scared to death to be home alone.  I was sick, physically sick, because my sister had always been such a role model, so light hearted and fun, but it's like she's not inside there anymore.  She's unrecognizable.  Needless to say, the boyfriend never came around to do us any harm but the worry was always there.

So in February when my birthday rolled around, I realized I was in a depressed, downward spiral, and had to do something about it.  I hadn't worked out in a while, so I started with yoga, and must have been too excited about it because I pulled a muscle in my abdominal region.  I never went to a doctor for it, just assumed, because it did get better with time and seemed 100% muscular.

However, this kick-started my hypochondria again.  Only days before, my dad had come home with this story about a man's pancreas that he knew and the only thing about the story that stuck to my brain was "stomach pains".  I've always had this morbid fear of my appendix going all wonky, so naturally, my fears went in that direction.  The depression got worse as I struggled to believe my pulled muscle theory.

The days and nights were a dark blur.  I had no appetite, so I ate a lot less, I drank a lot less, I moved a LOT less.  Nights were terrible- so bad that I wrote a goodbye letter to my parents because I felt I might not wake up.  I refused to see a doctor out of fear that they would find something horribly wrong with me.  But my mom started taking days off and staying home with me.  I got this comfort that hadn't been there in a long time, comfort I hadn't realized I desperately needed.

I kept waiting it out, and eventually, I did start to get better.  I could hold myself up straight again and go for walks in the yard.  When I began to get scared, my side and stomach area would begin hurting, I'd get more scared, and go back to the bed.  I started going out to the stores, which WAS painful at first.  My already sore muscles would cramp up and I would panic, feeling there was nowhere to sit in the stores or no way to leave halfway through.

What pulled me out of the horrible stages of this was that I discovered Wizard World conventions were coming to my city.  I remained in a state of fear until a couple of days before the convention.  I knew there would be a lot of walking and LONG lines, so I pulled myself out of bed and walked circles around the house.  I HAD to go.  At first, I felt the familiar pain return, and the cramps of those large internal muscles, but I pushed through it.  The first day of the convention was a mixture of terror and tension.  Three hours, I stood in one spot to see Matt Smith.  I had cramps and spasms all over my abdomen and pains in my back, that I had to keep telling myself were nothing more than anxiety.  I got through the line and survived the day- pained all the way home.  After lying down for a couple of hours, I felt better than I had in a long time.

The second day of the convention was a whole other story.  So much more relaxed, and I didn't feel half the pains of the day before.

From this point on, I began to realize that the less I thought about my pains, the less they appeared.  If I was busy, say, shopping for a good book, I noticed nothing.  Only in the evenings, when I sat down at the laptop, would I start feeling those scary pains return to my lower abdomen.  So that leads me to now.  When I craft, I'm fine.  When I lay down to read, I'm not.

It's April now, and just this past weekend, my brother-in-law that my sister is divorcing, finally had his EPO lifted and will be allowed to see his daughter again.  They can only shift her around at our house, every other weekend.  My pains are starting to return, knowing that the horrible drama of cops being called and crying, hysterical phone conversations from my sister, will return.

This isn't something I can fix.  I can't remove this particular stress from my life.  I never know what she'll throw at us next.  I honestly don't know how to cope with this.  I've taken up crafts and yoga (more safely this time), and am starting to exercise again, though it still seems to aggravate that muscle that was pulled.  I'll take any tips you guys can offer.  Thank you again if you read all this.

TL;DR
- My sister became a horrible opposite of herself and isn't changing back.
- I have terrible anxiety regarding everything that makes a normal functioning life.
- My hypochondria was started with a pulled muscle.
- I have aches that come and go in the area of my body that I most fear something going wrong.
- My family life has fallen apart.
- I don't know how to cope.
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Offline GenSec

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Re: My anxiety story
« Reply #1 on: April 19, 2014, 04:19:27 PM »
Hi Snowy, welcome to AZ. :action-smiley-065:

Your post isn't overly large, don't worry about it. :winking0008: You have a lot to deal with right now and you have every right to be heard here with patience and understanding. You've attempted to help quite a few people here since you joined, even on my own threads, so its only fair to take the time to give you a little feedback too. :sign0169: Hopefully it'll help you out a wee bit!

I think i'll leave the most important thing Iíd like to say til last.

1) Your sister sounds like someone you admired, someone you looked up to. Us anxiety-prone folks like consistency, reliability, in others around us. Your sisterís moral strength must have been a source of comfort for you. Maybe even someone who's example in life gave you inner strength. For her to change so suddenly must not only be shocking and disappointing... on another level perhaps it also makes you question your own ability to read other people: ie. has she changed, or was she always this way but you merely never picked up on it? To a certain extent it shakes your faith in everybody - if your sister, such a strong and constant person, can change in front of your eyes, then who out there cannot?

Despite everything, it sounds to me like sheís a sincere person who has lost her way. If sheís 20 years older than you then she must be in her 40ísÖ I know that for many men thatís a difficult stage in life. You begin to realise that old age is breathing down your neck; you begin to question all the certainties youíd believed in during the course of your life. Sadly, many marriages seem to fail at this stage in life. Perhaps your sister is finding the transition to middle age difficult, stressful. It could be that the reserve of moral strength she had that guided her through life has - for now - deserted her. It certainly sounds to me like she isnít happy with the way she is behaving right nowÖ she sounds distressed. Its a shame.

On another level, her behaviour - pushing people away - may be motivated by guilt over how she has treated her hubby, and his recent ill health. If she was with him for so long then she must love him, or at least continue to hold feelings for him... its very rare for people to cleanly cut their emotions for someone. On some level, I believe guilt is also afflicting her. And when guilt strikes, we can react in one of two ways; one, we try to atone for it, or we attempt to push the person away from us in an attempt to free ourselves of the heavy guilt burden.

Either way, I'm sure you know a lot more than me, and my attempts at theorising, on the matter. :winking0008:

2) You have a right to feel devastated after your boyfriend came out as gay. For 4 years you shared your life with him as a romantic partner. Thatís a long enough time to mourn the love of their love deeply. After 4 years it must have felt to you that this relationship had the prospect of a real future. I wasnít with my ex partner for 4 years and I can tell you, it still hurt me. Itís a great pity your ex took 4 years of your life to decide he was gay. Thatís 4 years of your life you gave him. It must be upsetting for you. Even if you were angry and bitter (which I know you arenít, because you say youíre stillfriends) I would understand completely. :sad0126: I mean, its great heís came out and is moving on with his life happilyÖ but what about you? What about how you are feeling? This is just as much about you as it is about him.

3) Finally, this part of what you shared stood out to me most;

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Hell, I'm 25.  Five years to thirty, one fourth done with my life.  I haven't accomplished anything, and I feel like I was born into the wrong world.

In some way my circumstances are similar to yours... Iím practically housebound due to depression rather than anxiety though. I have no job at the moment, although I have worked in the past. Iíve got a few years more under my belt than you though, so you're still way ahead of me! :laugh3:

What Iíd like to say, is that all need to realise that we have inherent self-worth regardless of what ďachievementsĒ we have to our name. Youíre still only 25 years old, still young. There's still the time to achieve any dreams you have, any ambitions you carry. :happy0062: How many people of our age aren't finding life/career/relationships a great challenge nowadays? Nobody ever said life was easy! Even so, what do we mean by ďachievementsĒ? A high flying career, a high salary? Are those really the things which bestow worth on us? What about the person you are? I believe our self worth comes from WHO we are, not WHAT we are or what we have to our name. You sound like a sincere, compassionate, well rounded person - qualities that many folks today sadly have never acquired. You are of great worth. You may have issues going on in your life right now but they donít detract from you. It sounds like youíre working hard to overcome those issues. That in itself deserves respect. You're making a real effort. Well done to you. As I say, in certain respects it sounds like you are ahead of me.

To many eyes, I donít have many achievements to my name either; like you I live at home with my family (although in my cultural background that isnít a problem, thank God!). :laugh3: Where do I find my self worth? In doing right by those who are important in my life, those I care about (Iím a carer for a disabled relative), in always seeking to do right by others, and conducting myself in a considerate and sincere manner. Being able to look at ourselves and know, not that we are perfect or we never make mistakes - but in that we try our best. That's all we can ask of ourselves.

I enjoy simple pleasures, really... (others would say 'boring' but, ah, that's all a matter of opinion, heh) :laugh3: such as reading, walks in the countryside, nature, animals (particularly cats and birds) and a bit of Japanese anime/manga on the side, haha. I may not have much achievements to my name (I am a uni graduate with a bit of postgraduate experience under my belt, so I guess that's something), but I believe we can gain so much more genuine sense of self worth from developing ourselves, by spiritual self-improvement, than we can from trying to live up to the expectations of others; the fleeting expectations of society. Accolade and admiration from others comes and goes with the seasons... but a good character can serve us well throughout our entire lives. And a good character can touch the lives of many, many others that come to appreciate our presence.

Regardless of how lonely you may be be feeling right now due to your issues, you are not alone. :wavey: There are others who understand how you feel because we've either been there or are still there. The key to improvement is to take things in small steps; rather than daunting yourself by the totality, just make little steps one at a time. I donít have Social Anxiety, but I have a good friend who does (he cannot even speak to strangers without stuttering and muttering so he's almost a shut-in) so I appreciate how difficult it must be for you. You don't have it easy, i would never seek to minimise what you're going through at the moment. On top of that you have a lot of external issues on your plate to deal with right now that are largely outwith your control.
Nevertheless, the same rule applies. Small steps. You'll soon start feeling you're making progress. For instance i go out at least once a week even if its just for a gentle stroll. It breaks up my day, improves the oppressive feeling of depression in my mind. I've also started taking up hobbies i ditched for the last few years as i resigned myself to a pit of darkness, such as reading, coin collecting, etc. Encouraging yourself to pick up old interests, or find new ones, definitely helps. It sounds like youíre already well down that road. Starting with little goals like that, achievable and spirit-raising, really do help. They're the stepping stones to further progress and purpose in our lives.

Anyway, I'll stop here before I go on and on and bore you! :laugh3:

Hope something in this helps, take care,
Gen.
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Offline Snowy

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Re: My anxiety story
« Reply #2 on: April 19, 2014, 04:45:04 PM »
Quote from: GenSec
On another level, her behaviour - pushing people away - may be motivated by guilt over how she has treated her hubby, and his recent ill health. If she was with him for so long then she must love him, or at least continue to hold feelings for him... its very rare for people to cleanly cut their emotions for someone. On some level, I believe guilt is also afflicting her. And when guilt strikes, we can react in one of two ways; one, we try to atone for it, or we attempt to push the person away from us in an attempt to free ourselves of the heavy guilt burden.
I'm sure she MUST feel guilty over it, but her attitude toward him has taken quite a turn.  Now she claims that she regretted marrying him from the start and never really loved him.  There were tons of small things over the years that showed me they must be a strong couple, so I don't really believe her in saying this.  I think she's trying to make it easier for herself or to make us believe he's always been a rotten person.  Who knows.  She never mentioned them being in a bad place before.  They fought like everyone else but nothing horrible.


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2) You have a right to feel devastated after your boyfriend came out as gay. For 4 years you shared your life with him as a romantic partner. Thatís a long enough time to mourn the love of their love deeply. After 4 years it must have felt to you that this relationship had the prospect of a real future. I wasnít with my ex partner for 4 years and I can tell you, it still hurt me. Itís a great pity your ex took 4 years of your life to decide he was gay. Thatís 4 years of your life you gave him. It must be upsetting for you. Even if you were angry and bitter (which I know you arenít, because you say youíre stillfriends) I would understand completely. :sad0126: I mean, its great heís came out and is moving on with his life happilyÖ but what about you? What about how you are feeling? This is just as much about you as it is about him.

I feel I knew it was coming.  I got pretty down for a couple of weeks beforehand and cried, fearing I would lose him.  Maybe I'd already accepted it by the time it happened, I don't know.  During that four years we were pretty off and on, though.  It was always him ending it and him asking for me back. 

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What about the person you are? I believe our self worth comes from WHO we are, not WHAT we are or what we have to our name.
When I was at my best, this is exactly what I learned about life.  I don't know where that lesson went, but during those happy months, I learned that being happy with yourself is number 1.  Knowing yourself and accepting it and owning it.  I learned to do that but must have gotten lost along the way.  I wanted to figure myself out before jumping into a college debt.  I mean, there are so many choices and it's such a big choice!  I'm pretty indecisive as well.  :spineyes:
See, I think it's great that you take care of a relative like that.  Respectable.  I agree with you, I'd rather look at myself at the end of the day and say my family knew I loved them and I stuck to my morals and did what I could.

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I enjoy simple pleasures, really... (others would say 'boring' but, ah, that's all a matter of opinion, heh) :laugh3: such as reading, walks in the countryside, nature, animals (particularly cats and birds)

Nah, not boring- sounds like me, actually.  Nothing like the smell of a good book.  I actually live in the countryside, and this time of year, flowers start blooming and the whole valley smells like honeysuckle.  It's one of the most wonderful things.  I love being outside too! :D

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The key to improvement is to take things in small steps; rather than daunting yourself by the totality, just make little steps one at a time.
This is exactly what I did yesterday!  My niece had a school play, which I've never been to because sitting with all those strangers and kids freaks me out.  I went anyway and it went fine.  I don't know what exactly I expected.  Maybe taking a big tumble down the bleachers as everyone pointed and laughed?  :laugh3:  It felt good to do something new and scary but also small.

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I've also started taking up hobbies i ditched for the last few years as i resigned myself to a pit of darkness, such as reading, coin collecting, etc. Encouraging yourself to pick up old interests, or find new ones, definitely helps. It sounds like youíre already well down that road.

I love coin collecting!  I go to this rock/gem show every year and they had ancient Roman coins for sale.  I had to have one, of course, really neat!
I just started sewing to make little stuffed animals, though.  I've made three so far and though my mom thinks sewing is tedious and boring, I actually love it.
I'd like to get back into writing, though.  It used to be my major outlet and I really miss it but it seems my concentration for it drifts now, which makes me feel even worse.

Thanks so much for replying.  Reading all that put a genuine smile on my face, which has been rare lately.  You've reminded me of the things I've somehow forgotten, so thank you.
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Offline GenSec

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Re: My anxiety story
« Reply #3 on: April 20, 2014, 04:24:24 PM »
Hi Snowy,

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I'm sure she MUST feel guilty over it, but her attitude toward him has taken quite a turn.  Now she claims that she regretted marrying him from the start and never really loved him.  There were tons of small things over the years that showed me they must be a strong couple, so I don't really believe her in saying this.  I think she's trying to make it easier for herself or to make us believe he's always been a rotten person.  Who knows.  She never mentioned them being in a bad place before.  They fought like everyone else but nothing horrible.

I agree; somewhere in there guilt must reside. It sounds to me like your sister is TRYING to convince herself that she never really loved him, regrets marrying him. She's trying to soothe her conscience by the sounds of it.

She just doesn't sound happy in life right now... she sounds lost. Its very sad. She's probably judging her current self by her own high moral standard; there may be an element of self-loathing that's inspiring her behaviour. She may not like herself very much.

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See, I think it's great that you take care of a relative like that.  Respectable.  I agree with you, I'd rather look at myself at the end of the day and say my family knew I loved them and I stuck to my morals and did what I could.

Kind thanks. :winking0008: I am happy to do it for them, because I know for sure they'd do it for me. :happy0062: When you care for someone these things are not an obligation nor a burden. There's only the desire to do your best. If they're happy, then I'm happy. I don't honestly think I'd have survived and still be here today if it weren't for the constancy and love of my family.

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Nah, not boring- sounds like me, actually.  Nothing like the smell of a good book.  I actually live in the countryside, and this time of year, flowers start blooming and the whole valley smells like honeysuckle.  It's one of the most wonderful things.  I love being outside too! :D

Oh, you're a countryside person too? :winking0008: For most of my life I was a city-dweller until a few years ago when we moved out to the nearby countryside. Its so lovely, I'd never want to return to the city again. I don't miss city life! :laugh3:

The smell of books you say? Tell me, am I the only one who likes the smell of a brand new book who's pages are laminated? :rolleye0012: :laugh3:

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This is exactly what I did yesterday!  My niece had a school play, which I've never been to because sitting with all those strangers and kids freaks me out.  I went anyway and it went fine.  I don't know what exactly I expected.  Maybe taking a big tumble down the bleachers as everyone pointed and laughed?  :laugh3:  It felt good to do something new and scary but also small.

Yep, its small steps like that which give us the encouragement to keep progressing. :happy0062: They can give you quite an ego boost! Every time we push ourselves; every time we do something new, we push the barriers that attempt to constrain us back just that little bit more.

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I love coin collecting!  I go to this rock/gem show every year and they had ancient Roman coins for sale.  I had to have one, of course, really neat!

I've never seen a Roman coin before. :winking0008: I'd have nabbed myself one too if I'd been there! :laugh3: The oldest coin I've ever seen was medieval. Actually, I have a thing for silver coins... not gold. Silver. Silver is a metal I like. I've got quite a few silver coins (most of them not that old though).

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I just started sewing to make little stuffed animals, though.  I've made three so far and though my mom thinks sewing is tedious and boring, I actually love it.

My mother used to sew small animals and stuff, then give them to me and my sibling. They're maybe not much, but never underestimate the sentimental value they can acquire. Something that's made by someone we care about means so much more than something that's simply been made by others and then purchased. Tell me, have you made any sea creatures yet? :grinning-smiley-003:

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I'd like to get back into writing, though.  It used to be my major outlet and I really miss it but it seems my concentration for it drifts now, which makes me feel even worse.

This is such a common side effect of anxiety. We find it hard to concentrate, to settle down. For instance, I know many people here struggle to sit down and read books like they used to - me included. Anxiety is such a mentally draining, preoccupying thing. The best thing you can maybe do is begin writing again in short bursts, whenever the urge grabs you. Some people I know carry a notebook around and jot down ideas, even when they're supposed to be at work! The more you take the hobby up again, the more you'll find yourself wanting to indulge in it.

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Thanks so much for replying.  Reading all that put a genuine smile on my face, which has been rare lately.  You've reminded me of the things I've somehow forgotten, so thank you.

No problem at all, I'm glad something I said was of benefit to you. :sign0169: It was a pleasure. And kind thanks for replying to my threads too!

Regards,
Gen.
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Offline Snowy

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Re: My anxiety story
« Reply #4 on: April 20, 2014, 04:39:14 PM »
Quote
I agree; somewhere in there guilt must reside. It sounds to me like your sister is TRYING to convince herself that she never really loved him, regrets marrying him. She's trying to soothe her conscience by the sounds of it.

She just doesn't sound happy in life right now... she sounds lost. Its very sad. She's probably judging her current self by her own high moral standard; there may be an element of self-loathing that's inspiring her behaviour. She may not like herself very much.
It's mostly her lashing out that I can't stand.  She blames my mother for everything and calls up just to yell and curse at her, even though my mom has done everything she can to help her.  It's so hard to see my parents suffering like this, thinking THEY did something wrong in how they raised her.

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The smell of books you say? Tell me, am I the only one who likes the smell of a brand new book who's pages are laminated? :rolleye0012: :laugh3:
I don't actually think I've ever seen a laminated book!
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I've never seen a Roman coin before. :winking0008: I'd have nabbed myself one too if I'd been there! :laugh3: The oldest coin I've ever seen was medieval. Actually, I have a thing for silver coins... not gold. Silver. Silver is a metal I like. I've got quite a few silver coins (most of them not that old though).
I don't have any silver ones yet.  I'm mostly interested in foreign money.  I've come across some Jamaican, some from Great Britain, Canada, etc.  My favorite is an Asian one, because it's the only one I've found from there.

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My mother used to sew small animals and stuff, then give them to me and my sibling. They're maybe not much, but never underestimate the sentimental value they can acquire. Something that's made by someone we care about means so much more than something that's simply been made by others and then purchased. Tell me, have you made any sea creatures yet? :grinning-smiley-003:
Mine made animals for me too!  They were bunnies. (:
I have not made sea creatures yet but I found the cutest pattern for a seahorse that I'd love to try.  I've made an owl, a frog (for my niece), a bunny, and oddly- a Tardis pillow.  :laugh3:

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This is such a common side effect of anxiety. We find it hard to concentrate, to settle down. For instance, I know many people here struggle to sit down and read books like they used to - me included. Anxiety is such a mentally draining, preoccupying thing. The best thing you can maybe do is begin writing again in short bursts, whenever the urge grabs you. Some people I know carry a notebook around and jot down ideas, even when they're supposed to be at work! The more you take the hobby up again, the more you'll find yourself wanting to indulge in it.
I take a notebook in the car everywhere.  If I can't concentrate enough for a plot, I work on the characters instead.  The other day I actually got a whole page down because I was in the car and distracted from my physical symptoms.  It was a scene with my Scottie actually!  I know those characters so well, thankfully, because it's relatively easy to get back into their world.
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Offline GenSec

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Re: My anxiety story
« Reply #5 on: April 20, 2014, 06:26:56 PM »
Hi Snowy,

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It's mostly her lashing out that I can't stand.  She blames my mother for everything and calls up just to yell and curse at her, even though my mom has done everything she can to help her.  It's so hard to see my parents suffering like this, thinking THEY did something wrong in how they raised her.

That sounds like classic transference; attempting to shift the guilt stemming from her own sins by transferring it all to your mother. Your sister is an adult - its time she faced up to her own mistakes. Only then can she begin to heal and move forward.

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I don't actually think I've ever seen a laminated book!

Sure, books where the pages feel more like plastic than paper! :winking0008: I think books in Britain and America are a bit different... I know books in Britain are less expensive relative to the US, so perhaps we see that more often in ours.

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I don't have any silver ones yet.  I'm mostly interested in foreign money.  I've come across some Jamaican, some from Great Britain, Canada, etc.  My favorite is an Asian one, because it's the only one I've found from there.

I have Canadian coins, some US ones, French, German, but mostly British. :winking0008: Saying that, 'British' currency disguises the fact that Scotland and England continue to print their own bank notes. In England, the Bank of England is the sole producer: whereas in Scotland, 3 banks have the right to print bank notes - the Clydesdale Bank, the Bank of Scotland, and the Royal Bank of Scotland. We're the only country left in the world where more than one bank has the right to issue legal tender. Some people like to collect Scottish currency because of the differences. Actually, I've sent Scottish money to friends across the Atlantic in the past for them to keep as a curio!

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Mine made animals for me too!  They were bunnies. (:
I have not made sea creatures yet but I found the cutest pattern for a seahorse that I'd love to try.  I've made an owl, a frog (for my niece), a bunny, and oddly- a Tardis pillow.  :laugh3:

Funny you should mention the seahorse... in the Celtic animal zodiac, the seahorse is my sign. Most men want to be the wolf; when I found out I was a seahorse my reaction was "oh cool, well I'm well pleased!" :laugh3: Seahorses are lovely animals.

A Tardis? :winking0008: Out of curiosity, who is your favourite Dr Who of all time?

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I take a notebook in the car everywhere.  If I can't concentrate enough for a plot, I work on the characters instead.  The other day I actually got a whole page down because I was in the car and distracted from my physical symptoms.  It was a scene with my Scottie actually!  I know those characters so well, thankfully, because it's relatively easy to get back into their world.

If there's a Scottie in your plot, he's gotta enjoy Scotch whisky and deep fried fatty foods, haha! All of us Scottie's love our fatty foods! :happy0158: Have you worked out what tartan he wears yet? :laugh3:

Kind regards,
Gen.
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Offline Snowy

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Re: My anxiety story
« Reply #6 on: April 20, 2014, 06:43:35 PM »
Quote from: GenSec
That sounds like classic transference; attempting to shift the guilt stemming from her own sins by transferring it all to your mother. Your sister is an adult - its time she faced up to her own mistakes. Only then can she begin to heal and move forward.
I completely agree, but I think it's doubtful as long as she's with this guy.  I get the idea that he's really controlling and trying to push us out of her life.  He has her running like a slave, doing all his work for him, and she can't see it or doesn't care.  He's a general creep, honestly.  Been in jail multiple times and I'm not saying people can't change but I doubt he has.
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I have Canadian coins, some US ones, French, German, but mostly British. :winking0008: Saying that, 'British' currency disguises the fact that Scotland and England continue to print their own bank notes. In England, the Bank of England is the sole producer: whereas in Scotland, 3 banks have the right to print bank notes - the Clydesdale Bank, the Bank of Scotland, and the Royal Bank of Scotland. We're the only country left in the world where more than one bank has the right to issue legal tender. Some people like to collect Scottish currency because of the differences. Actually, I've sent Scottish money to friends across the Atlantic in the past for them to keep as a curio!
That's nice of you!  I don't think I have any money from there.  Let me check, I always keep the box on my desk.
Ok, my Roman coin is from Turkey in the 307-337 era.
Canadian, French, an Indian head penny, which is somewhat rare now in USA, Jamaica, Panama, the Asian one from ??, Cayman Islands, and one from Jugoslavia!  That's it except odds and ends from the US.  It's still a pretty small collection.  That's interesting about the money in your country, I didn't know that.

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Funny you should mention the seahorse... in the Celtic animal zodiac, the seahorse is my sign. Most men want to be the wolf; when I found out I was a seahorse my reaction was "oh cool, well I'm well pleased!" :laugh3: Seahorses are lovely animals.
I used to have this odd little dream of having one for a pet, so I like them pretty well.  I wonder what my sign is.  February birthday, do you know?

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A Tardis? :winking0008: Out of curiosity, who is your favourite Dr Who of all time?

I have to admit I haven't watched them all yet.  I've got a big feeling Capaldi will be my favorite.  I love his work in other things!  I really liked both 9 and 10, too.

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If there's a Scottie in your plot, he's gotta enjoy Scotch whisky and deep fried fatty foods, haha! All of us Scottie's love our fatty foods! :happy0158: Have you worked out what tartan he wears yet? :laugh3:
In outer space, he doesn't wear one!  :laugh3:
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Offline GenSec

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Re: My anxiety story
« Reply #7 on: April 21, 2014, 10:02:32 AM »
Its such a pity that your sister lost her hubby only to replace him with the character you describe. He's probably working to convince her that her mother is the source of all her problems in life and she's better off without you all. My own father was never in jail but he played mind games to try and detach my mother from her family. It really is a control thing.

Isn't it amazing to wonder who briefly possessed your Roman coin? Who held it, who carried it, what it was used to buy and sell all those centuries ago? :winking0008: Whenever I get an old coin I wonder what owners its had before me. Yugoslavia no longer exists so you'll never see a new one of that coin anytime soon! I have quite a few old Soviet Union coins with Lenin and the Aurora on them (with the obligatory Hammer and Sickle on the reverse). One is a set commemorating 50 years of the 1917 Revolution which I got online for cheap years ago.

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I used to have this odd little dream of having one for a pet, so I like them pretty well.  I wonder what my sign is.  February birthday, do you know?

Apparently you're either a cat or a snake! :laugh3: Out of curiosity, do you keep any pets? I've got a cat but he's more of a myth really... he spends most of his life dozing the day away then gets moody when you wake him up. ::)

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I have to admit I haven't watched them all yet.  I've got a big feeling Capaldi will be my favorite.  I love his work in other things!  I really liked both 9 and 10, too.

I've seen the Doctor Who episodes from the 70's (in fact I'm probably more acquainted with them than the later ones). I remember after Capaldi was selected that a lot of younger viewers complained he was too old and they may not watch him as the Dr. Which is pretty low, as it shouldn't matter how old the guy is. To be so fixated on youth ignores talent and ability.

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In outer space, he doesn't wear one!  :laugh3:

Ah well done, you outwitted me there Snowy. ;D :laugh: Surely tartan survives into the future - it can never go out of fashion! There's everything today from tartan themed trousers to waistcoats to neck ties... maybe we'll see it make the transition to futuristic lycra bodysuits by the 25th century!

Regards,
Gen.
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Offline Snowy

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Re: My anxiety story
« Reply #8 on: April 21, 2014, 10:49:09 AM »
Quote from: GenSec
Its such a pity that your sister lost her hubby only to replace him with the character you describe. He's probably working to convince her that her mother is the source of all her problems in life and she's better off without you all. My own father was never in jail but he played mind games to try and detach my mother from her family. It really is a control thing.
It does sound like control.  She freaks out when she isn't there on the dot to pick him up or be with him.  I bet he's a really hateful kind of person.
None of my family were ever in jail- or at least the family that I know of.  Mind games like these people play are worse than a criminal record if you ask me.  Seems like they can get away with anything.

She was with him yesterday instead of here with us like she always is.  Now we think she wants to make it to where none of us can see my niece because WE are a bad influence.  She wouldn't let my mom get her at school today like she usually does and wants to "talk to her" tonight about something. Ugh.

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Isn't it amazing to wonder who briefly possessed your Roman coin? Who held it, who carried it, what it was used to buy and sell all those centuries ago? :winking0008: Whenever I get an old coin I wonder what owners its had before me. Yugoslavia no longer exists so you'll never see a new one of that coin anytime soon! I have quite a few old Soviet Union coins with Lenin and the Aurora on them (with the obligatory Hammer and Sickle on the reverse). One is a set commemorating 50 years of the 1917 Revolution which I got online for cheap years ago.
It no longer exists?  I feel like an idiot for not knowing that.  My world has been so small, it seems.  That sounds like a good writing exercise, though, to think of what this coin saw in its day.

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Apparently you're either a cat or a snake! :laugh3: Out of curiosity, do you keep any pets? I've got a cat but he's more of a myth really... he spends most of his life dozing the day away then gets moody when you wake him up. ::)
Haha~  Yes, I do.  I have three dogs right now.  I've had other pets, though, like hamsters, fish, a rabbit, an underwater frog.  What I've learned is that a lot of pets end up being more work than you had intended!  I'll stick with dogs, I think.  If that.

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I've seen the Doctor Who episodes from the 70's (in fact I'm probably more acquainted with them than the later ones). I remember after Capaldi was selected that a lot of younger viewers complained he was too old and they may not watch him as the Dr. Which is pretty low, as it shouldn't matter how old the guy is. To be so fixated on youth ignores talent and ability.
Oh yea, that really irritated me.  I think a lot of those are the fans that came IN with Matt Smith because he was "cute" or something.  Oh well~  I'm really looking forward to it.  I've seen quite a few of the very first episodes and I like them.  I was trying to watch them all but when all the crap with my sis started happening, I lost the heart for it.

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Ah well done, you outwitted me there Snowy. ;D :laugh: Surely tartan survives into the future - it can never go out of fashion! There's everything today from tartan themed trousers to waistcoats to neck ties... maybe we'll see it make the transition to futuristic lycra bodysuits by the 25th century!
Hey, that's a great idea, the neck ties!  I didn't even think of that because it's not Earth but it'd be a great way to insinuate.  I'll make a note of it, thanks! (:
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