Just introducing myself as recommended!
Well I have always been a worrier but I used to worry about big events in life and some how I always managed to struggle through but in the last few years all that has changed.
I have gradually been worrying more and more about things that would have barely bothered me previously and find that my physical anxiety symptoms really knock me off my feet. I feel in a constant state of anxiety and everything seems overwhelming. I see the good things in life and when talking to others I am always positive about their situations but I just can't do the same for myself no matter how stupid I know my worrying seems.
For so long I have tried to keep my feelings secret to everyone, fearing they would think I was weak or pathetic or crazy! But in the last few weeks I have had to come clean! My job situation is stressful at the best of times (I work in finance) but now I my role has changed somewhat and it feels so overwhelming and difficult and I am terrified that I just can't hack it and I never will, also my boss is tough and very cold, the idea of worrying to them is just a weakness that should be overcome.
So I finally cracked, it started off as me feeling too ill to go to work and for the first couple of days I tried to tell myself that it was just a stomach bug but I soon realised I was just so scared of work it was making me physically ill. I had to tell my family and pretty much cried the whole day, I hadn't cried for a long time, just panicked, so in a way it was nice to let it out a bit.
My family felt sad they hadn't known what was going on and tried to console me with some of their tales. I then went to the doctor and had a long talk about how I was feeling and how it was making me ill, the doctor signed me off work for a few weeks and during this time I have been frantically applying for jobs as the thought of facing everyone at work now they know seems unbearable to me! I have been to a couple of interviews and felt like I was going to have a heart attack in the beginning but after the first few questions my nerves steadied somewhat and they didn't go as terribly as I'd imagined. The problem is, I know that these jobs won't be any better than where I am now and I am just trying to run away from my current situation, I feel like until I can see that something has changed practically I don't know how I will be able to change in myself.
This brings me to today, I have some days left before I have to go and face the music at work and I am trying my best to make the most of the time I have. I am keeping an eye out for jobs I actually want now instead of a desperation to leave my current work and I am trying to work on the bad habits that make me feel anxious and out of control. It is very hard, I feel like sometimes I am panicking just because it feels like the norm for me now! And I am trying to block out the thoughts of my first day back at work, I can't imagine how I will be getting any sleep the weekend before.
So thanks for reading my story! Hopefully we'll be able to share more experiences and help each other in the future :)