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Author Topic: Worried my son has autism....  (Read 1177 times)

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Offline snowberry

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Re: Worried my son has autism....
« Reply #45 on: April 18, 2014, 01:15:04 PM »
Please stop looking at anything autism related. Please. Even if there are similarities, it does NOT mean your son has autism.

Book him in at the docs ASAP because I think you need to hear it from a professional, not random articles or videos online.
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Offline Hypowoman90

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Re: Worried my son has autism....
« Reply #46 on: April 18, 2014, 03:21:40 PM »
He's already been evaluated. By the school district. They told me they couldn't tell at the moment, because he wouldn't really cooperate because he was scared ( there were about 6 different people who took him in to a room alone and that was the first time he has been alone with anyone besides me or his dad ).

He also had a tantrum when they took him. He scratched and bit them and banged his head.

Anyways I am sure when they spend more time with him they will come to the conclusion that he is, if not autistic then severely mentally disabled....


Maybe I am just in the grieving process. I am positive he is disabled and I can picture my life from here on out.

My partner and I are on the verge of breaking up... I will be alone caring for him for life. I will never know what it is like to be in a loving relationship again or being able to go out with friends... Basically being alone and miserable like all of these stories I hear from women ho had to raise mentally handicapped children alone.  Many of them are constantly stressed and suicidal.
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Offline snowberry

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Re: Worried my son has autism....
« Reply #47 on: April 18, 2014, 03:31:07 PM »
Listen, you have to stop this negative thinking. You've already worked out in your mind that he is this or that, but you have no proof and no definite answers.

Your son was scared at the school evaluation because of the isolated life he's been leading. He scratched and bit because of his speech delay - when they can't talk, they need to express themselves in other ways, and scratching and biting is the most common, along with screeching. And his speech delay is most likely in part due to his being from a bilingual household where he doesn't socialise that often outside the family unit.

Here is what you need to do:

1.) Take him to a doctor, not a school evaluation. Explain to them about his fear of strangers, they might be able to make allowances for that when testing him. Surely that has to be better than sitting and doing nothing except upsetting yourself?
2.) Talk to your psych about your own issues with anxiety and social phobias.
3.) Stop. Googling. For the love all all that is holy. No googling, no research, nada.
4.) Talk to your husband about how you feel. You need his support. What does he think about your son? Are you supporting each other? I know he works but is there any chance he can help get your son out the house every so often when he isn't working to explore the world and experience society until you are better equipped to do it yourself?

You need to act, not sit around, google and make yourself sick with worry.

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Offline Hypowoman90

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Re: Worried my son has autism....
« Reply #48 on: April 18, 2014, 03:51:28 PM »
Listen, you have to stop this negative thinking. You've already worked out in your mind that he is this or that, but you have no proof and no definite answers.

Your son was scared at the school evaluation because of the isolated life he's been leading. He scratched and bit because of his speech delay - when they can't talk, they need to express themselves in other ways, and scratching and biting is the most common, along with screeching. And his speech delay is most likely in part due to his being from a bilingual household where he doesn't socialise that often outside the family unit.

Here is what you need to do:

1.) Take him to a doctor, not a school evaluation. Explain to them about his fear of strangers, they might be able to make allowances for that when testing him. Surely that has to be better than sitting and doing nothing except upsetting yourself?
2.) Talk to your psych about your own issues with anxiety and social phobias.
3.) Stop. Googling. For the love all all that is holy. No googling, no research, nada.
4.) Talk to your husband about how you feel. You need his support. What does he think about your son? Are you supporting each other? I know he works but is there any chance he can help get your son out the house every so often when he isn't working to explore the world and experience society until you are better equipped to do it yourself?

You need to act, not sit around, google and make yourself sick with worry.
He

thinks I'm crazy and he is like that due to being so isolated . He thinks he just needs some therapy for his speech and he will eventually be fine. He said I need to have my head examined.
 A part of me worries he is in denial.
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Offline snowberry

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Re: Worried my son has autism....
« Reply #49 on: April 18, 2014, 04:13:56 PM »
While he certainly could have been more delicate with how he said it, I think your husband sees what we all see - that the problem lies with your health anxiety and social phobia, not with your son.

Having crippling phobias and anxieties is nothing to be ashamed of, though now that you know how they are negatively impacting not only your own life, but the life of your son, will you please talk to your psych about it? Tell your husband that you are going to talk it over with your psych and that you need his support, not criticisms. It is his son as well as yours. Then, take your son to the doctor asap even if you have to make an emergency appointment, tell him/her your fears, and get him/her to examine your son.

Above all, do something, even if you find it hard or scary, do it for your child.
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Offline Hypowoman90

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Re: Worried my son has autism....
« Reply #50 on: April 18, 2014, 06:32:59 PM »
There is no support from him, and there never will be. He doesn't believe in these types of mental issues nor will he ever be willing to educate himself. He thinks that these types of things are just kind of... made up so doctors can keep making money off people like us... He doesn't like helping me pay for my doctors appointments and certainly doesn't like paying for ''pointless'' medications.
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Offline snowberry

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Re: Worried my son has autism....
« Reply #51 on: April 18, 2014, 06:55:00 PM »
There is no support from him, and there never will be. He doesn't believe in these types of mental issues nor will he ever be willing to educate himself. He thinks that these types of things are just kind of... made up so doctors can keep making money off people like us... He doesn't like helping me pay for my doctors appointments and certainly doesn't like paying for ''pointless'' medications.

Regardless of whether your husband will give his support, you need to take action for yourself, and as you are already seeing a psych you are already in a position to let someone know what's going on. And take that prozac! It will help you cope in the meantime. But seriously, first thing in the morning, either book your son in at the docs or call your psych. Do something, hypowoman90, please. You have the power to change your life.

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Offline Hypowoman90

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Re: Worried my son has autism....
« Reply #52 on: April 18, 2014, 07:17:20 PM »
I have failed my son.. I should have done something over a year ago when I first noticed his delays. Now it's probably too late.

I am burden on his father. He doesn't love me. He almost left me for another woman last year. He cheated on me for 3 months and didn't care how much it was hurting me. He is only staying for our son and that is clear... He shows 0 affection  to me.

I fail at life because I let my mother's alcoholism control me and dropped out of school. Now I am 24 years old without even a ged because I failed it 3 time due to my dyscalculia.

I failed my mom because I didn't do enough for her alcoholism and she drank herself to death. The last words she heard from me was anger.  She told me she loved me and I walked away from her... This was two days before she died.

Some people are just destined t never be something... I can contribute nothing to this earth....
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Offline soaringfalcon

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Re: Worried my son has autism....
« Reply #53 on: April 18, 2014, 07:23:35 PM »
That video could be ANY toddler!!!Seriously, any normal toddler.

Please don't this to your son.  You've essentially counted him out of life due to YOUR fears.  They are your issues, not his.  You've said he doesn't get to socialize and you never take him anywhere.  That is not fair to him.  He can't ever grow or develop normally without being exposed to people, places and things.

You desperately need to seek help for yourself.  You are saying you fail because of other peoples issues…you husband is choosing to cheat, he's doing because of his own issues.  You did not force your Mom to drink or to not get treatment, she chose that.  YOU have a choice…you can get treated for depression and anxiety and start living life.  Realize that you ARE worth something and you do matter.  Enjoy your little boy and most importantly, enjoy you.
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Offline snowberry

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Re: Worried my son has autism....
« Reply #54 on: April 18, 2014, 07:56:05 PM »
Hypowoman listen to soaringfalcon. I think you are essentially a passive person and you absorb the troubles of others while seeing yourself as essentially powerless to change things. Your self-worth is so low that when some people judged you for having a child you've let that take over your life and made you too scared to even leave the house. You know logically that there is nothing wrong with having a baby at 20 - many, many people do - but you've let other people tell you that it's wrong enough to not be able to go out in public with your son. So many other things in your life have gone wrong that you are just waiting for the next thing to happen - and so you project your hypochondria onto your son. This is the problem here - this is what you are having to deal with. Not a child with disabilities or autism, your own anxiety and low self-esteem.

But here is the crunch: there are some things in life you just have to face up to, even if you're not in the best position to be able to. If you get a rat infestation, for example, you can't just think 'oh I don't really have the money for an exterminator right now, I'll have to get back to it later'. No, it's serious and it has to be dealt with straight away, regardless of your situation. It's not one of those things you can just 'leave' until a more convenient time.

This is one of those times where you're just going to have to bite the bullet - accept that you might not get a lot of support from home, accept that you might feel a little embarrassed when talking to the psych about your issues, accept that you are going to have to take control of your own life for once and deal with this social phobia for your son.

Visit the social phobia part of this forum. Read some of the threads, find out how other people cope. You DON'T have to live with this, and your son shouldn't have to, either. It's not fair on him, so stop making excuses and get this under control.
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Offline Cattia

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Re: Worried my son has autism....
« Reply #55 on: April 19, 2014, 01:49:39 AM »
Hypowoman, this is such great advice, I hope you take it. The others are right. Even if there was somethinh really wrong with your son, which I don't think anyone here thinks there is from what you've said, then you need to be in a posotion to help him. If as your husband thinks, all his problems really are caused by being socially isolated, then it's up to you to change that and get him out so he can meet people and learn how to cope. You won't be able to do it without help so get the help you need. As for the other things you say, it isn't your fault that your mother drank herself to death. I'm sure she did love you buy why wouldn't you be angry with her? You had every right be to. Dropping out of school isn't the end of the world. Look at the way you write. You're an intelligent woman. You can go back to school in the future and get your qualifications. I hope you will talk to a Dr soon about yourself and your son.
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Offline Hypowoman90

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Re: Worried my son has autism....
« Reply #56 on: April 19, 2014, 12:32:23 PM »
I know I need help. Unfortunately, it will be at least a week before I can get in. Even the slightest things are setting me off. Even what you said in the beginning of your post cattia, lol.

My partner took him to the park yesterday and he said our son had a good time. He said that he was trying to follow the other kids and do what they were doing but they were too big for him...
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Offline snowberry

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Re: Worried my son has autism....
« Reply #57 on: April 19, 2014, 12:47:57 PM »
I know I need help. Unfortunately, it will be at least a week before I can get in. Even the slightest things are setting me off. Even what you said in the beginning of your post cattia, lol.


A week is not bad! I'm pleased you're able to get in so soon. We're all rooting for you to get better. And yeah, things will trigger you for a while, unfortunately :( that's the joy that is anxiety, that we all know so well. But there is a light at the end of the tunnel!

Quote from: Hypowoman90
My partner took him to the park yesterday and he said our son had a good time. He said that he was trying to follow the other kids and do what they were doing but they were too big for him...

Awesome! Sounds like a normal, happy, healthy kid :) Trying to copy the older kids in particular seems very unlike something an autistic child would do. If you feel up to it, please keep this thread updated - we're all behind you! :D
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Offline Hypowoman90

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Re: Worried my son has autism....
« Reply #58 on: April 19, 2014, 12:53:10 PM »
How would someone know if a toddler is mentally retarded, anyway?
My son knows what things are for. For example he knows what to do with the soap in the tub, knows what things like spoons and forks are for. He likes putting deodorant on his father and I and even himself.
I have to put up my makeup or else he will try and put it on. Especially the lipstick.
He knows how to brush his hair and teeth ( but he doesn't do a very good job ).

When he wants something he sometimes points for it, but usually he will get it himself. He will push a chair his kiddy table and climb it and get it. 

If he wants the light on or off he will also use something to climb to reach the switch. He can turn the floor fan on or off to his liking.

When he was younger and I put him to bed, if he wasn't ready or wanted me to stay he would throw his blankets or bottle out because he knew I would have to come and put them back in. He doesn't do this because he can come and get me when he needs something although if he feels like we aren't paying enough attention to him he will put himself between the wall and bed and get stuck so we have to pick him up.

Also just now he took and empty cup and ''drank'' from it then put it up to my mouth and said ''mmmmmm''.
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Offline Hypowoman90

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Re: Worried my son has autism....
« Reply #59 on: April 19, 2014, 12:56:26 PM »
I know I need help. Unfortunately, it will be at least a week before I can get in. Even the slightest things are setting me off. Even what you said in the beginning of your post cattia, lol.


A week is not bad! I'm pleased you're able to get in so soon. We're all rooting for you to get better. And yeah, things will trigger you for a while, unfortunately :( that's the joy that is anxiety, that we all know so well. But there is a light at the end of the tunnel!

Quote from: Hypowoman90
My partner took him to the park yesterday and he said our son had a good time. He said that he was trying to follow the other kids and do what they were doing but they were too big for him...

Awesome! Sounds like a normal, happy, healthy kid :) Trying to copy the older kids in particular seems very unlike something an autistic child would do. If you feel up to it, please keep this thread updated - we're all behind you! :D

I don't know if it will be a week for sure. I won't be able to make the appointment until Monday and he is always busy so I might not be able to get in until next week.
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