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Author Topic: Quiet Stillness  (Read 127 times)

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Offline CherryPirate

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Quiet Stillness
« on: April 12, 2014, 08:25:19 PM »
I have had anxiety for seven years now. At first it was panic attacks (bad, horrible, debilitating ones), a bout of agoraphobia, and turned into GAD. Every now and then I still get a random panic attack, but for the most part the anxiety is just always with me. I am used to hearing my brain on non-stop "What ifs" and "We have to ... we should have ... why didn't." I am a natural born worrier. I worry if the sun will come up pretty much.

Understand, I am used to the noise in my head. It's more like white noise these days. I know I am always anxious, and even with meds (.5 of Klonopin once a day for over a year now), it only helps sate. I have been in therapy for over a year now. I've made a lot of progress. I got a divorce and have fallen madly in love with a wonderful man who compliments me well and has taught me a different way of thinking. All of this has happened in the past year and a half.

Here is the weird part, and why I am posting to the forum ...

The past couple days have been ... silent. There is no more white noise. It's just gone. Imagine being at the beach, and hearing the constant roar of the waves and then is simply stops. There is no more sound, no more waves pounding in to the shoreline.

It's weird. It's different. I feel a little bit cloudy. I'm not a person who gets tired, but I've found myself being sleepy. Not to the point of passing out, but just tired. My mind is still. My head literally feel lighter. And I am nearly freaked out about it.

My thought process seems a bit slower. I know it's probably because there isn't adrenaline rushing into my brain and that constant fear and quick decision making is not at the forefront of my brain. Driving is the weirdest part. I find my brain kinda ... day dreaming lazily and then I realize "Holy cow I am driving a car! Focus!"

Anyone ever delt with this? Have you ever suddenly had the calm back and so suddenly? It's nice, but it's not what my body and my brain is used  to feeling. It's like ... being doped on on a lot of xanax but I'm not on anything. When you go from being really anxious to not ... do you feel slower? Does thoughts take longer to process? Do you feel like you hit little walls of blanks and it takes a moment to realize what your task was or what you wanted to say?

Maybe I am finally getting into a normal groove, but after seven years of anxiety .... it's so weird. It's foreign to me.

I enjoy this quiet stillness. I hope I can keep like this. And when I do have an anxious thought ... just let it float away~
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Offline worldbeat99

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Re: Quiet Stillness
« Reply #1 on: April 12, 2014, 11:52:06 PM »
The stillness sounds like a very good thing!  Just so you are stay present and focused.  Especially while driving!
Do you think the stillness is a result of the therapy and klonopin?

For me I've been taking buspar for GAD and doing lots of different therapies and healthy things.
I no longer feel anxiety as a big presence in my life.  I'm more focused on things that give my life meaning
and make me happy.  And when stress comes up, I manage it.  I'm ok with it.
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