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Author Topic: Is This A Anxiety Related Break Up‏  (Read 239 times)

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Offline gtiboy

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Is This A Anxiety Related Break Up‏
« on: April 12, 2014, 02:10:55 PM »
I have dated this girl for a year. Everything was good, the perfect relationship. Never argued and always got on well. Tell me she loved me, misses me when I wasn't around, Say's she would be devastated if I ever left her, and always said she felt lucky to have me. She is 26 and I am 31.

Generally this girl is a big worrier, she worries and obsesses over everything. Over the past 2/3 months I noticed she began to increasingly feel down and depressed about a work situation, getting stressed out by work, not being able to get a new job due failed interviews and seeing her friends get promotions, also getting depressed about her grandfather's failing health and being moved into an old peoples home. At the same time assuring me that it was nothing to do with me and the relationship was fine and she would never leave me. All this coincided with her leaving her family home outside London to move into London so she could be nearer to work/friends etc, in which she cried about leaving her mum.

About 1 and 1/2 months she suffered a anxiety/panic attack.. showing all the signs and symptoms.. breaking down instantly crying when meeting up with people. Feels down, feels worthless, doesn't feel like doing anything, loss of interest doing things she loved, loss of appetite and having the feeling of anxiety. Acting very out of character. (Her family have a history of depression problems)

She went to the doctors where she was prescribed anti-anxiety tablets. While she went home to recover for a couple days , there began a two week period where although she rejoined work and started to hang out with people again, she became more distant with me didn't text me much at all, became cold towards me in her texts, very quiet. She told me did it to everyone not just me.

As the two weeks rolled by I asked her three times "Have I done something wrong, isit something to do with me or the relationship"? she replied no its nothing to do with me or the relationship and don't worry."

The confusing part is that when we finally met up 2 weeks after she suffered the anxiety/panic attack, she told me she was unhappy with me and began to list things that quite frankly were very trivial and would not constitute a reason to breakup. She would question if we had things in common saying we were different, questioning the future of our relationship and silly things that annoyed her that would normally not bother her when she was happy. She told me to promise her 1 week of space and time to think about things. I said it's over isn't it, she said no itís not over but needs space and time to think.

That same night after the talk she deleted our relationship status on ***** and changed her profile picture of me and her together to just her - couldn't understand the reason for this if she said it wasn't over.

Two weeks later she finally got back to me and told me i'll always be important to her but she feels its best if she stays single for the moment and wants to be on her own, she said braking up with me was nothing to do with her anxiety, just hasn't been happy for a while.  I'm left very perplexed by this. None of this makes an ounce of sense.

What i'm having trouble deciphering is, was anxiety the cause for her to act like this or does this sound like someone that was just unhappy?
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Offline dreamerduckling27

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Re: Is This A Anxiety Related Break Up‏
« Reply #1 on: April 12, 2014, 03:51:32 PM »
Just my 2 cents.

I think it could be related to some kind of mental health issue, yes, but I don't think it is only anxiety alone. From what you told, the problem is with her, not you.
You know, sometimes when we are down, few things need to make sense to others as long it makes sense to us. Maybe she just needs to have this time alone and figure out what she wants. Or maybe she just went "dark", you know, closed up herself into her own world and cut everybody else from it (which is most likely caused by a mental illness & a stressor). There is no way to know.
As someone who has been in both positions (being cut off by a loved one and cutting other people out all the time), I would say there is little to do from your side -- if you truly like her and see a future in the situation, just be there, she might come back someday, on her own terms.
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Offline gtiboy

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Re: Is This A Anxiety Related Break Up‏
« Reply #2 on: April 12, 2014, 04:40:41 PM »
About 1 and 1/2 months ago she suffered a anxiety/panic attack.. showing all the signs and symptoms.. breaking down instantly crying when meeting up with people. Feels down, feels worthless, doesn't feel like doing anything, loss of interest doing things she loved, loss of appetite and having the feeling of anxiety. Acting very out of character. (Her family have a history of depression problems)

I can't help think it was linked to this day. It was very strange, she was fine for about 11 months, usually very happy and out going. But every now and then she would say she would worry about this and that.

Could it be that she's emotionally immature? But I do agree with you when you say it's to do with her and not me as that's what it truly feels like.

Trouble is I can not contact her now as she has cut all contact with me, won't even reply to my emails. So I have just left her alone now.

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Offline dreamerduckling27

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Re: Is This A Anxiety Related Break Up‏
« Reply #3 on: April 12, 2014, 05:26:14 PM »
I personally don't think that it is "from this day on"... I would bet she had problems before. Just because you seem happy and outgoing, it doesn't mean you are happy. There are people who are in a really bad shape emotionally but seem the happiest and well adjusted people in the whole world. Maybe she didn't want to disclose her stuff to you or anyone, afraid of being rejected because of it. I also would add to my bet that this day she had the breakdown was just the moment she couldn't hide anymore. I may be wrong, but these kind of stuff don't come out just out of the blue.

About emotionally immature? I don't think it's right to call it immaturity. Mental illnesses are ILLNESSES, and some of them definitely impair the person enough so they can't function in a "mature" emotional level. Sometimes, recognizing you are sick and getting treated can make an effect in that, and there are people that simply are never going to overcome it completely.

Yeah, it is hard. I am in the same place as you right now. But it is what it is, my best advice (and this I take from my own suffering), pick up your pieces and move on if you don't want to get (more) hurt.
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Offline gtiboy

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Re: Is This A Anxiety Related Break Up‏
« Reply #4 on: April 12, 2014, 07:19:25 PM »
Thanks for the insightful advice. Definitely makes alot of sense what you are saying. What I don't understand what made them feel they had to project this unhappiness onto a loved one? and further more how they came to the conclusion the relationship has to come to an end and why the blame you for things. What makes them feel relief and happiness that the relationship has to be over?

Do they ever realise their mistake they are making when breaking up with someone in this manner? Do they ever regret it time..if and when they might come to there senses?


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Offline gtiboy

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Re: Is This A Anxiety Related Break Up‏
« Reply #5 on: April 15, 2014, 07:52:59 PM »
Are people suffering from these conditions in denial if you were to ask them that's what's causing them to act in this way?
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Offline unknownghost

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Re: Is This A Anxiety Related Break Up‏
« Reply #6 on: April 23, 2014, 03:47:05 AM »
Thanks for the insightful advice. Definitely makes alot of sense what you are saying. What I don't understand what made them feel they had to project this unhappiness onto a loved one? and further more how they came to the conclusion the relationship has to come to an end and why the blame you for things. What makes them feel relief and happiness that the relationship has to be over?

Do they ever realise their mistake they are making when breaking up with someone in this manner? Do they ever regret it time..if and when they might come to there senses?

There's the possibility that she isn't really blaming you, especially if they are trivial details like you mentioned. More that she's just grapsing for any reason at all to break things off that would seem plausible to you. The problem most likely lies with her, and she's probably trying to sort through it in her own way, albiet a messy and hurtful way to the people around her, namely, you.
And, I dont know that it'd be "relief" or "happiness"-- it could be something that she just felt she absolutely had no choice in. As someone else has said, perhaps she just came to the point where she felt that the worst of her couldn't be hidden anymore, and she just couldn't deal with the fear of losing you over it, so she pushed you away before that could happen.
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Offline gtiboy

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Re: Is This A Anxiety Related Break Up‏
« Reply #7 on: April 24, 2014, 11:06:27 AM »
You mean she ended it before I would..well in her own mind anyway? The reason I say relief, looking at other anxiety related stories, it seems the person going through this feels happier to be on their own. And this is how my ex now feels.. she's happier being on her own for the moment without me and that's what I can not work out.

Question is do people that suffer from anxiety reconcile with their ex's? From what I gather they go from one relationship to the next all suffering from the same fate.
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