I needed to rant and came here...
Anyway, I've had a longtime phobia of finding needles/syringes out in the wild. Mostly that I would unintentionally get stuck by them. It plays into my fears of getting HIV/Hep by accident. Combine that with my anxiety/OCD, I'm just a ball of nerves all the time.
So my latest flare up was two weeks ago. I work in a public building and was talking to some of my coworkers on the office/staff side. One of our security guards came in with a syringe that he had found in the public restroom and asked to talk to a supervisor. Just seeing a needle that was found in the bathroom was enough to get me going. I excused myself, went outside and heaved in a bush.
I wasn't near or touched anything by it, but the site of the guard carrying the needle (which looked like it was in a ziplock bac) was just enough to trigger my OCD. What if the guard stabbed me with it? What if i stabbed myself with it? I know its ridiculous, as there was literally no risk to me. It was just extra difficult since needles, blood and HIV are some of my obsessions/fears.
So for almost two weeks now, I've been a hot anxious mess worrying and being anxious about something that i made up in my mind. Sometimes I hate my life.
The most important thing was to remind myself this: I WASN'T STUCK WITH A NEEDLE. And because of that, I have been wasting lots of time and effort worrying about things that I know aren't real. It's just the intrusive thoughts that have been hurting me.
I went to both my psychiatrist and psychologist. The psychiatrist adjusted my medicine, because it wasn't working as effectively as it cold be. And I talked it over with my psychologist. Both reminded me that this is just my OCD coming through and that it sucks, but I'm going to have to deal with intrusive thoughts. sometimes they will be in control of them; sometimes they are going to be out of control.
And its funny/not-funny. I went tot he pharmacy to get my meds, what did I see in the parking lot? A used syrringe.