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Author Topic: Biopsy Results Negative - Trouble Accepting  (Read 341 times)

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Offline VeryScary

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Biopsy Results Negative - Trouble Accepting
« on: April 08, 2014, 01:59:16 PM »
Please, don't berate me - I'm trying to fight this hypochondria demon so hard. I need someone to tell me these are NOT normal thoughts.

I got an email from  my doctor today that my endometrial biopsy results, and the result of an HPV test I did are normal. She sent it through the Kaiser Permanente network internal email, which she talked on and on about at the appt. I wish I could say "all good!" but you all know how the monster works.

 I've begun asking:
- How do I know that was really my doctor?  what if it was someone else trying to calm me down??? (I called the office yesterday and today)
- What if I get a copy of the actual report and see something weird?
- What if they call back and say there was a mistake?
- I found out about this while sitting in another dr's office crying trying to lock down some xanax so I could not implode. Apparently, she had access to all of my charts through her system  - including emails which become part of the record. She showed me that I had gotten an email with my results ironically around the time I actually got into the appt with her. We both looked at it; then I logged onto KP.org on my phone and confirmed the email was REAL. Sensing I still didn't believe, she showed me the reports right there on the screen. What if we weren't looking at the right ones? What if, what if, what if, etc.

I DO NOT WANT TO BE LIKE THIS. :traurig001: :traurig001: It's not a joke or a game or something I do because it's fun - someone out there can feel me and knows what I mean. YOU WANT THE SH IT TO STOP - BUT IT JUST WON'T.


I am trying to fight: I made a last-minute appt with my psychologist tonight at 6 because I recognize that this thinking is OFF. I feel like getting my hands on a report, etc. would only make things worse and that a person who did not suffer from hypochondria/OCD would never ask these questions or try to take things to another level. They would trust the email and put this behind them.

DO I SOUND CRAZY?!?!?!?
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Offline Hypo84

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Re: Biopsy Results Negative - Trouble Accepting
« Reply #1 on: April 08, 2014, 02:13:07 PM »
You are fine physically for sure.

You have really severe case of hypochondria, borderline paranoia...start going to therapy if you can and you certainly need to take some meds, 'cause like I said, your condition sounds very serious.
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Offline wegngis

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Re: Biopsy Results Negative - Trouble Accepting
« Reply #2 on: April 08, 2014, 02:18:51 PM »
First of all, no, you do not sound crazy.  You simply sound like someone who struggles with health anxiety, like me.  We all seem to "specialize" in certain areas (I'm a cardiophobe, nice to meet you).  While you are certainly entitled to a copy of your medical records, I would caution you about interpreting your own results.  We tend to think we can do a better job with 10 minutes and Google than a trained doctor can after years of schooling and experience.  It just doesn't work that way.  I have to tell myself this, too, so it takes one to know one.

If it's really concerning to you, perhaps you can schedule a follow-up visit with your doctor to sit down and go over the results in person.  This is not unreasonable for most doctors, and perhaps yours would do that for you too.
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MOST anxiety happens at the subconscious level.  JUST because you don't feel consciously anxious or had a day or two of calm doesn't mean your mind & body are relaxed.  It can take months of reduced anxiety before a body goes back to a more non-reactive state.  - AnxietyZone member Sixpack

Offline VeryScary

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Re: Biopsy Results Negative - Trouble Accepting
« Reply #3 on: April 08, 2014, 02:20:48 PM »
You are fine physically for sure.

You have really severe case of hypochondria, borderline paranoia...start going to therapy if you can and you certainly need to take some meds, 'cause like I said, your condition sounds very serious.

I see someone once a week...the complication is that when I don't have a spike, I'm a-ok. So while she has talked to me about doing meds in addition to therapy, I feel kind of like I don't need it...until this stuff happens.

 I present as a confident "strong" black woman (I hate when I am called that) but on the inside, I know that if I get blood on my hand, or have a funny bump, or anything, I will fall apart.
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Offline Hypo84

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Re: Biopsy Results Negative - Trouble Accepting
« Reply #4 on: April 08, 2014, 02:24:07 PM »
We are all great until some symptoms arise and we feel fear. :)

In your previous topic you mentioned that you are thinking about *****...now you got results and you are still uncertain...for me those are two big red flags and that's why I suggested meds and I think that it would be the best option for you.

Take care
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Offline AncientMelody

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Re: Biopsy Results Negative - Trouble Accepting
« Reply #5 on: April 08, 2014, 02:24:58 PM »
If you go through long stretches feeling well, you could see if your doc would consider an as-needed medication. Something such as ativan or vistaril to have on hand for these spikes.
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Offline VeryScary

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Re: Biopsy Results Negative - Trouble Accepting
« Reply #6 on: April 08, 2014, 02:25:21 PM »
First of all, no, you do not sound crazy.  You simply sound like someone who struggles with health anxiety, like me.  We all seem to "specialize" in certain areas (I'm a cardiophobe, nice to meet you).  While you are certainly entitled to a copy of your medical records, I would caution you about interpreting your own results.  We tend to think we can do a better job with 10 minutes and Google than a trained doctor can after years of schooling and experience.  It just doesn't work that way.  I have to tell myself this, too, so it takes one to know one.

If it's really concerning to you, perhaps you can schedule a follow-up visit with your doctor to sit down and go over the results in person.  This is not unreasonable for most doctors, and perhaps yours would do that for you too.

I'm gonna be honest with you: I REALLY DON'T WANT THOSE RESULTS.

I know what will happen. I know all too well. I'm fighting to NOT get them - to just accept the email. I feel like getting a copy or digging down into them in person might push me into a new area of HA. I went through that with a pap smear once - very bad idea. So part of me says LEAVE IT ALONE and fight to accept things.

I guess what I'm struggling with is, is that what normal people do?

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Offline wegngis

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Re: Biopsy Results Negative - Trouble Accepting
« Reply #7 on: April 08, 2014, 02:35:42 PM »

I'm gonna be honest with you: I REALLY DON'T WANT THOSE RESULTS.

I know what will happen. I know all too well. I'm fighting to NOT get them - to just accept the email. I feel like getting a copy or digging down into them in person might push me into a new area of HA. I went through that with a pap smear once - very bad idea. So part of me says LEAVE IT ALONE and fight to accept things.

I guess what I'm struggling with is, is that what normal people do?

Then don't get them.  Don't fixate on what "normal people do" because then you make yourself crazy.  Normal means different things for different people.  For some of us, it's "normal" to freak out over a test result that is normal, and not believe it.  Stop worrying that you're not "normal" and accept yourself for who you are, and learn to work within your own limitations.  I have the same tendencies, so I really know where you're coming from.
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MOST anxiety happens at the subconscious level.  JUST because you don't feel consciously anxious or had a day or two of calm doesn't mean your mind & body are relaxed.  It can take months of reduced anxiety before a body goes back to a more non-reactive state.  - AnxietyZone member Sixpack

Offline Daisy55

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Re: Biopsy Results Negative - Trouble Accepting
« Reply #8 on: April 08, 2014, 02:58:44 PM »
So happy with you that your results were good.
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You will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.  
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Offline VeryScary

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Re: Biopsy Results Negative - Trouble Accepting
« Reply #9 on: April 08, 2014, 03:00:55 PM »

I'm gonna be honest with you: I REALLY DON'T WANT THOSE RESULTS.

I know what will happen. I know all too well. I'm fighting to NOT get them - to just accept the email. I feel like getting a copy or digging down into them in person might push me into a new area of HA. I went through that with a pap smear once - very bad idea. So part of me says LEAVE IT ALONE and fight to accept things.

I guess what I'm struggling with is, is that what normal people do?

Then don't get them.  Don't fixate on what "normal people do" because then you make yourself crazy.  Normal means different things for different people.  For some of us, it's "normal" to freak out over a test result that is normal, and not believe it.  Stop worrying that you're not "normal" and accept yourself for who you are, and learn to work within your own limitations.  I have the same tendencies, so I really know where you're coming from.

I'm going to keep trying to resist my HA tendencies...my logical mind knows that "what if that wasn't my doctor" is some real deeply paranoid sounding stuff. But when I'm in a panic mode, things start getting very hazy. I become worried about things like making sure I got the results "the right way" (which I think is the OCD tendencies...) and then superstitious - so like I won't tell anybody until a certain number of days have passed...

I've even read the email about 15 times AND printed it out...sometimes I worry that I am going crazy. Especially when I just won't believe something.
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Offline crazymommy

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Re: Biopsy Results Negative - Trouble Accepting
« Reply #10 on: April 08, 2014, 03:05:29 PM »
I get very superstitious, too, with my HA thinking. Which is so weird because I am definitely NOT a superstitious person any other time.
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Offline stephtronic

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Re: Biopsy Results Negative - Trouble Accepting
« Reply #11 on: April 08, 2014, 03:23:40 PM »
OCD is tough. I too have had to force myself to not get my own test results. If your doctor says you're fine, then you are fine. It wouldn't be someone else trying to trick you or calm you down. Not possible. Not gonna happen. Do try to really get serious about treating your HA/OCD. I used to worry constantly and think about the same sorts of things you do, and I do not have that problem anymore thanks to therapy, self-help, and medication. You don't have to live your life like this.

Your endometrial biopsy came out clear, so now you've got to work on clearing your head.  :yes:
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Offline xxAmyxx

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Re: Biopsy Results Negative - Trouble Accepting
« Reply #12 on: April 08, 2014, 03:24:42 PM »
Hopefully your appt. tonight with your Dr. will help you get out of panic mode. I know all about that feeling and it's not a fun place to be. Until then, let it sink in that your results were NEGATIVE! You're fine, there was no mix up.  :yes:
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Offline VeryScary

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Re: Biopsy Results Negative - Trouble Accepting
« Reply #13 on: April 08, 2014, 03:32:55 PM »
I'm still not calm...but recognizing that the underlying issue here is my unwillingness to accept that the results were not what I had feared. I see that I keep trying to make them not real...
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Offline stephtronic

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Re: Biopsy Results Negative - Trouble Accepting
« Reply #14 on: April 08, 2014, 03:34:58 PM »
That's a good thing to realize. It's your MIND - not reality. Your brain is trying to find any way to keep you in fear mode. "What if, what if, what if?"

Do something you enjoy and distract yourself!
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