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Author Topic: Need advice on how to help my best friend  (Read 156 times)

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Offline littlegirl

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Need advice on how to help my best friend
« on: April 07, 2014, 08:40:34 PM »
Hi all.

One of my best friends, whom I have feelings for, has had PTSD since he was a child. He was sexually abused by a family member, and didn't have the best family support system growing up. He's a Marine veteran who has done two tours in Iraq, and didn't expect to come back from deployment. We are both in our late twenties, btw. Most of his life, he has never felt like he belonged. After he got out of the marine corps, he's moved to three different areas due to not finding what makes him happy. Three years ago, he moved to a new state and met his ex whom he felt he could spend the rest of his life with. Six months ago, they broke up, and it nearly killed him. I tried to be there for him through out all of his experiences, especially the last half a year, and even had to convince him by phone to not kill himself. That was one of the scariest moments of my life.

Since then, he's moved back to where I live, and it seemed like he was doing a lot better. No panic attacks, not as much insomnia, laughing more. But today, he talked to me about feeling down and depressed. Like, that void is still there, the feeling of not knowing what he's meant to do here in life... and he doesn't know how to fix the root of the problem. He's had counseling and wants to get back into it... my question to you all, is, how do I help him? How do I be there for him? And more of a support system? What can he do to free himself from this? I care so deeply about this man, and I want to do all that I can to let him feel comfortable and not alone. I am a very patient person, and am willing to try anything. I have already told him multiple times that I am available day or night for him to talk, vent, whatever need be, and that it didn't matter if he was circling around over and over again in his conversations with me. Nothing would seem repetitive. I am an ear, shoulder, friend, "counselor", and someone who loves him very much. Lastly, I've told him that yes, he must face his demons (as he's said he's had to do multiple of times), but that he will NEVER have to face those demons alone. I've always got his back.

Again... what can I do? What should HE do?

Thank you for taking the time to read, everyone.
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Offline Cuchculan

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Re: Need advice on how to help my best friend
« Reply #1 on: April 09, 2014, 05:50:13 AM »
I would tell him to look into EMDR therapy. It is based towards people who were sexually abused and also people who had to fight in war zones. The army might know more about it than anybody else. It is meant to be great for such people. I can't really comment on if it works or not, as I have never tried it out. But you could look it up on the net and see what you make of it. See if you think it would help him. Then take things from there. I do know it is used a lot. More a modern form of therapy. As in new, when you look at other forms of therapy. That would be my first step. The right kind of support for him.
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The Lovable Irish Rogue

Offline Stressed Jumper

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Re: Need advice on how to help my best friend
« Reply #2 on: April 10, 2014, 10:11:14 AM »
My husband is also a combat veteran with PTSD. I would recommend you contact Wounded Warrior Project (WWP).  In our experience the VA has been worse than useless (all they gave him was sleeping pills too...eventually I started to wonder if they were trying to kill him)  but the folks at WWP are awesome.  They have a lot of resources for both vets and their friends and families including support groups, access to free counseling, and peer mentors.  Other than that all you can do is be there for him and support his fight to get the help he needs.  Hang in there! 
P.S. feel free to pm me if you need someone to talk to.
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