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Author Topic: He is so childish.  (Read 633 times)

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Offline tinam7

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Re: He is so childish.
« Reply #10 on: April 10, 2014, 04:14:06 PM »
What can anyone do with such behavior except try to get away, as you've tried. His need for control is beyond reasonableness, way out of line. He needs prof. help.

But you need support and resources too in order to help you cope with your situation. Perhaps Social Services and legal advice in your area can help. I am very sorry for your circumstances, admire you for your strength.
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Offline crazygirl1

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Re: He is so childish.
« Reply #11 on: April 11, 2014, 10:13:15 AM »
I feel that way too-that he needs help. It's incomprehensible to me that an adult say to a child "don't talk to me..." because they've done something the adult got mad about. I can't even put words to how that makes me feel....
I'm beginning to feel like I will have no choice but to tell him that he will need to get help if he wants to have regular visitation /parenting time with her.
In a way I feel like I am bailing on her--in divorcing him I get away from him but she will still be subject to this kind of behavior possibly from time to time.
It's hard because like I said they love each other & he is good to her most of the time. ....
thanks for the kind works, I don't feel very strong but thanks. And thanks fro talking this through with me-I really appreciate the chance to speak my feelings without someone walking away from me-shutting the door on them.
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Revelation 7:17
 ... and God will wipe every tear from their eyes."

Offline tinam7

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Re: He is so childish.
« Reply #12 on: April 12, 2014, 08:01:49 AM »
Even if you had the law on your side he might not comply with rules. So we are left to find alternative solutions. Doesn't divorce send his anger through the roof?

He felt severely disempowered in his early life. Yet his ability to love your daughter is intact. How can that be translated into empowerment? This is Home Politics, as I see it, for which there are few roadmaps. We must try, so tells me my subconscious this morning.
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Offline crazygirl1

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Re: He is so childish.
« Reply #13 on: April 14, 2014, 11:13:11 AM »
Divorce send his anger thru the roof...hmm...IF I were to go the usual route-with attorneys and claiming 1/2 of everything then yes it would. I however am planning it differently. I am planning to put aside the money I need to get a new place to live & the necessities I will need to care for my daughter & dogs. The rest, the house, everything, I am going to offer to him in lieu of his not forcing my daughter into doing the usual overnights until she is ready.
Backstory on this: my mother died when I was 28 of cancer so when my daughter was old enough to ask where my mommy is -we told her the truth, that she became very ill & died and went to Heaven. One time she was playing on the playground & met a little girl whose mother had become very sick & died at the hospital and so she had to move into her Grandma's house to live. These 2 things have had such an impact on my dd. When my dd was about 4 years old her Grandmother & I felt we may need to get her into sleepovers in case we ever needed to...long story short my dd was nearly inconsolable when bedtime came & she was not with me. So sleeping away from me is not really an option for my dd at this point in time. She's been scarred I feel by my losing my mother & her friend as well. She is afraid to be without me, afraid it means she will lose me maybe. We are working on this together, little by little I have gotten her to where she will at least go to the store with my husband without me and she's ok. But overnights? No..not healthy to force that upon her until she is ready to do it which in time I am sure she will be.
This is why I am saving my $ and am still there...so that I can be able to go without taking and fighting for anything.
This weekend was rough. I had family in the area visiting & it was important to me. My husband was rude. Quiet. Only friendly to  those family members who are good at placating ppl like him. He even jumped in the drivers seat so that I couldn't drive on the way to see them. I have to hold my breath in hopes that he isnt mean to them( he has been many times in the past) It is nerve wracking. It isn't healthy for me or my daughter because she feels every single ounce of tension between us. I was talking with a friend the other day. I told her what I was talking about here-feeling like I'm bailing on my dd because I wont have to deal so much with him, she will...my friend said that overall looking at this-it's healthier to have the day to day peace in our lives and face the possibility that incidences like the one I spoke of happening again...it's an outside chance he'll do things like that. I feel like she's right. Day to day my daughter & I can live & grow in peace and when she's with him she can enjoy the father daughter relationship without the tension in the air there is now.
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Revelation 7:17
 ... and God will wipe every tear from their eyes."

Offline tinam7

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Re: He is so childish.
« Reply #14 on: April 14, 2014, 12:09:09 PM »
This is very tough. I need to think to see what recourse there may be. Sure feel for you.
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Offline tinam7

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Re: He is so childish.
« Reply #15 on: April 15, 2014, 08:18:15 AM »
Sorry about your mother and how this may have affected your dd. Understandably you want to protect her. If she can have both parents protecting her, so much better.

You want divorce and want to be fair and just in terms of economics. But economics may not be all that is at issue here. How does he feel about divorce? Does he want it? He also loves dd and, no doubt, does not want to lose her. Can he speak to this issue or is it again silence?

The family matter you describe can be a problem. Sometimes our own are annoying, no less anyone else's. If he prefers to go off fishing or golfing or bowling, etc. he may as well take off. Maybe you don't care for his family either. No expectations on either side could perhaps be a suitable compromise.
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