Does anyone else feel like trying to make your brain be quiet, or trying to be mindful, stop your thoughts racing... It's kind of like trying to keep the floodgates closed with the power of your mind. Mine seems pretty weak. Thoughts start trickling through almost as soon as I catch them and pretty soon I'm flooded again. When I'm trying to hold them all back and not notice them, I get really anxious and my heart races. It's like (to use a different water analogy) I am holding my breath under water, but pretty soon I have to come up for air again. Or like hundreds of angry insects trying to break through a fly screen and then once one finds the way, they all do!
Lol okay I will stop with the analogies now. I have been trying to sleep but every time I try my thoughts go crazy and I get so tense it's unbearable and so I have turned to writing this post as a distraction.
Hmm what else can I tell you? I am immensely worried that everyone at work right now hates me but that's cos I'm paranoid. I am hoping to get pregnant soon but first I have to get off my second lot of meds. Already got off my mood stabilizer. Doing okay but noticing the difference! A psychiatrist once told me I have schizoaffective disorder but I don't know if I believe her. I hope I can survive pregnancy without losing it! Anyone else gone off meds to get pregnant??
Okay I'll stop blabbing and try to sleep. Thanks for reading my ramblings. I hope to hear some other experiences!