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Author Topic: Major anxiety over fear of losing my mind  (Read 288 times)

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Offline Cmack23

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Major anxiety over fear of losing my mind
« on: April 01, 2014, 11:10:59 AM »
Everyday seems to be getting worse. I literally feel like I have to act my way through life. I don't feel like the bright young man I used to be. It feels like I'm just existing. I feel like I'm floating as I walk around, hoping that strangers won't notice how utterly weird I feel.

When I talk, it's like I can't think of what to say as easily. I slur my speech a lot of the time and I feel just plain retarded.
I swear the years of medication have rotted my brain. I have a degree, I'm only 23; the world should be my oyster. But the reality is I see no future.

Not to mention, I'm very depressed. Everyday I wake up feeling so low and hopeless and counting down the hours until I can just sleep again.
I feel like a burden to my parents, who do so much for me, yet I give nothing back. I can't wait for life to be over.
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Offline kconnors

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Re: Major anxiety over fear of losing my mind
« Reply #1 on: April 02, 2014, 06:49:31 AM »
Hi,

Sorry to hear of your difficulties, but I would ask you to ask yourself some questions:

1.  Have you gotten back to the prescribing doc re: your meds? Not all meds work for all people . . . .sometimes it is the type of med, sometimes it is the dosage, sometimes it is the combination, etc. but only your prescribing doc can help you . .. have you changed your meds? have you had them reviewed because sometimes meds that work for a period of time, well, the body becomes accustomed to them and develops a tolerance?

2.  If you think your practitioner is not taking your concerns seriously or if the doc prescribing is not well experienced in these meds, ask for a referral. Now, this is not to trash family docs, but sometimes family docs rely on what med reps tell them, etc. So you may need to find a specialist who combines meds with counseling to identify your triggers and help you to manage them.

3.  Have you been able to identify your triggers or what is going on in your life to create the need for meds? You have a degree . . . are you concerned about going out into the work force? Are you anticipating playing what if scenarios and coming up with what one writer calls "catastrophic living" plans and that is creating anxiety? Has something happened in a personal relationship? You don't have to tell us unless you think we can help; these are just questions to ask . . .

I know that this may not help, but all of us at sometime have experienced some type of the feelings that you are describing . . . .these are warnings that, on the one hand, the meds may not be appropriate and, on the other had, the need for counseling . . . meds usually deal with the symptoms, but counselling with the root causes . . . .

As for your parents . . . . you are not a burden . . . you are their son and they want the best for you . . . you are probably feeling that way because of where you are right now in the process of recovery . . . .at 23, your brain, like all of our brains, is still maturing as it usually takes to around the mid 20s so this is a key time to get the interventions that you need . . . .if you are not improving, then become your own advocate . . . not all therapists and therapies work the same for all people and you may have to try a couple to find one that matches . . . yep, I know, it is a frustrating process and discouraging but the one thing you need to recognize is that you are showing your strength of character that you are reaching out for suggestion . . . . during the day, no matter how difficult it is, scope out very small tasks to do to give yourself a sense of doing something while you are waiting for your appointments . . . .nothing big . .. walk 5 minutes out the door in one direction and turn around and walk back (exercise helps even though I had to push myself to do it in the beginning); write down what you are feeling even if it is the same feeling in every entry but try to add such as the reason why; check what you are eating and try mindfulness . . . yep, all of these are frustrating in the beginning and not quick fixes but you can build on them . . .

One final thought . . . .at 23 you have a great future . . .right now, you need to focus on getting better and rather than waiting for the next time you can sleep, fill those hours doing something . .. anything . . . .make it physical as much as possible rather than just staring at the television or the computer . . . make a list every day of everything you do even if it is brushing your teeth. . . focus on now and how doing something is an accomplishment . . . .anxiety and depression are two sides of the coin and each reinforces the other so by managing one, if not both, helps to manage the other . . .

Look, no lies from me . .. it is a process; it has speedbumps . . .my recovery especially in the beginning was discouraging but I figured that I was going to try and convert my anxiety into, if not a friend, a distant relative who comes to visit, overstays his or her welcome, but is manageable . . . .yep, I've had setbacks; I've cried; I've been frustrated, etc. but each time I restarted, it was easier as I had more experience with managing it . . . .you are strong so you need to focus that strength on staring the process . . . I wish I had magic to help you, but I don't or I would use it on me . . . but I do know that recovery is possible and with recovery comes renewed strength and with renewed strength comes living life rather than simply existing . . .do come here as often as you like . . .we have loads of great folks who are here and more than willing to share their experiences and thank you for sharing yours . . . the exchange here is truly where the strength of this community lies . . .take care, kc
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Offline beccaboo

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Re: Major anxiety over fear of losing my mind
« Reply #2 on: April 02, 2014, 07:21:13 AM »
Trust me, we all have felt the same way you do right now. I always feel like I'm acting through things - counting down time to be away from others, til everyone is asleep or til I'm going to be tired.  I understand not wanting people to look or notice me, I'm strang on the inside so they have to be able to notice that there's something wrong with me.

The Depression and the speech is alittle concerning to me - but talk to your doctor, talk to people who know what you are living with, they may not truly understand but they will listen.  They care for you and you mean the whole to them.  All I can suggest is keep fighting - it gets better I promise. Share your problems with those that care and things will look up.  it's the only way it can go, up, that is.
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Offline Cmack23

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Re: Major anxiety over fear of losing my mind
« Reply #3 on: April 02, 2014, 12:33:54 PM »

Hi,

I really appreciate all of your input. It's both reassuring and convincing to hear such a positive, yet constructive information, especially coming from someone who (I assume) has recovered. So thanks, really.

In regards to your first question on my medication, I haven't been back to the Doctor's in around two months, but, yes, I do feel as though my meds, especially Lyrica, is losing its "magic". I say magic because it was just that; it seemed to eliminate all of my anxiety and lift me out of depression simultaneously. That is but a distant memory now, though.  I'm also on Mirtazapine for sleeping problems and depression, but I feel it has a very subtle, if any effect on depression and low mood. I'm sure I'm low in Dopamine, 'cause no SSRI works!

But yeah, I 'll go back in a couple of days to ask for an alternative. My Doc seems to have a "Oh here we go again", apathetic sort of attitude towards me as I'm a very regular visitor of the Docs.

In answer to your third question, I strongly believe that the main triggers of my anxiety is a very negative perception of how others may be judging me. I can't leave the house without always focusing on how others are looking at me or judging me. It's horrible as I know, I can rationalise- I know it's not really happening. Lyrica really helped with my SA. And I know that I shouldn't rely on medication to get me through my job or other social activities if you will, but I've tried, and therapy (CBT) did jack all for both my anxiety or depression. I know its BIOCHEMICAL- I lack something, I must do!

I will take upon your advice, though, and become more productive, write things down. I already keep active by going to the gym three/four days a week, but I'm used to this now. I also work four days a week at a supermarket, which I failed to mention in my first post.

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Offline CarrieAnn

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Re: Major anxiety over fear of losing my mind
« Reply #4 on: April 02, 2014, 04:52:58 PM »
Hi, first of all I'm no expert, but I can relate to how you are feeling.  In my twenties I had a hard time with being around people too, I didn't want anyone to think something was wrong with me, and I was always worried about it. I thought they could see that I was depressed.  I was always thinking people didn't like me.  In retrospect, now that I am older and wiser (43) I realize the thoughts I was having about others seeing something wrong with me or not liking me was actually my own negative feelings or depression being projected outward.  I don't know if that makes sense, but what I'm trying to say is depression can distort a persons perception of reality.  It is impossible to know what others are thinking.....there is a good old quote I like, 'what others think about you is none of your business', and what people think really doesn't matter anyway. 

Don't put too much thought into what others think; I agree with the above replies, don't give up on finding something that will work to help you.  I am living proof that it gets better, with time it really does get better, so don't give up!

Take care :)
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