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Author Topic: I used to want to be a doctor..  (Read 216 times)

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Offline Blueberry

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I used to want to be a doctor..
« on: March 28, 2014, 10:58:05 PM »
Then I became a hypochondriac.

I've always been a scaredy-cat, mysophobic but it got worse recently. Like 10x worse.

At age fifteen I began thinking about my adulthood, my career path. My main objective was to become a pediatrician. I was recently all set to start pre-med. I had some textbooks I wanted to buy, I had seen autopsy videos so I wouldn't be too scared, I was looking into a school.. Then this year happened.

It started out fine but I started getting symptoms and that made me worry. I began worrying I was dying and for the first time in my life I seriously lamented my morality and wondered what happens after death; which in my opinion is nothing, however I never thought of the serious implications because death seemed like something that was 50+ years in the future. I realized everything could kill me - one day I could be fine and another dead - and I got worried. What if I did have a terminal illness? What if it was cancer? What if doctors were misdiagnosing me as having anxiety related symptoms? I'm slightly worried I'll have a relatively short life even if I'm fine now, as I was a preemie and I suffer from generally below average health.

I've gone through days of normality and days of sickness since the beginning of the symptoms. When I'm feeling good - no headaches, no chest troubles, no general ill feeling, no anxiety - I'm a normal kid. When I'm feeling sick my brain goes to the gutter which makes me sicker.

My hypochondria has ruined my want to be a doctor. I can't be around corpses, they'll just remind me of my morality. I can't dissect people.. I can't deal with sick people or dying people. I don't know if I can get over this or I should go with a backup-career. I'm reluctant to see a therapist about this; I can deal of it on my own.
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Offline stephtronic

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Re: I used to want to be a doctor..
« Reply #1 on: March 29, 2014, 02:59:04 PM »
Health Anxiety drove me to drop out of medical school. I'm getting back in this Fall because I've finally gotten control over my anxiety.

Anxiety isn't the end of your dreams.
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My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.