It seems whenever I convince myself something is anxiety related, something new and terrifying develops. Sometimes I feel like my brain is punishing me for something. I don't understand why I keep developing all of these different sensations. It's so tiring and annoying. Today I was able to curb my panic attacks, and yet tonight I went on the internet to look at a "symptom" and have myself all nervous. For some reason all day today I've been excessively thirsty. I could attribute this to the fact that I've been working out far more lately, but no, my instant thought was, "There's a tumor in my Hypothalamus that is altering my requirement of liquids." And then I went on the internet, found out it's a symptom of Diabetes, so I quickly searched for other symptoms... Sometimes I think I should just quit using the internet and live life the pre-google way.
To make things worse, I am currently trying to find a new job (right now I'm a adjunct instructor of Philosophy). Who knew someone with anxiety issues would have trouble being a teacher... Sometimes I think this is what actually made my anxiety worse; this is why I actually put in my resignation this past week. I have other jobs lined up, but I still have seven weeks of teaching left and none of the jobs are 100%. I just want my life to feel as normal as other's looks. How is it other people in the world can wake up in the world without a care, and yet people like us wake up to worry, dread, anxiety and despair on a daily basis? I stand in line at the grocery store and wonder how everyone can look so calm while internally I'm battling not running out of the damn place.
I'm just so tired of it all. Can I please be normal now?