Heyos. I don't mean any ill will, but it is a bit difficult reading the text in its current shape. I'll split it into more manageable paragraphs. Your future readers will be thankful for it.
First off let me apologize in advance for poor spelling and grammar (never been my strong suit) Im sure many of you have read endless stories from people and dont wanna read another one witch i understand but any input would be appreciated. I have read many stories on the forums here before deciding to join and it is nice to know im not the only one out there with cretin issues.
I am a 33 year old male I had my first panic attack about 8 years ago and things have never been the same since. I was driving to a friends house one evening on a normal day just like any other and out of no where my heart started racing i got light headed and felt like i was gonna pass out. I had never experienced anything like this before and it scared the crap out of me. Once i sat down and relaxed a little bit things started to get better. I went home went to bed and woke up the next day and didn't think much of it.
Well these episodes started happening more and more so i eventually went to the doc to see what was going on. I was in my mid 20s and nothing could faze me. The doc did a EKG and said everything was fine and i was having panic attacks!!! I had an idea what panic attacks were and anxiety because a girl i dated for many years had it so over time i learned what it was but you really never understand until you experience it for yourself.
Now i still did not believe this is what was wrong with me there is something else wrong and the doctors dont know what it is. Its funny if you tell someone that you suffer from anxiety almost all the time they say " oh ya i have that to i had to study for a test once and got really freaked out" but really they have no idea what you deal with.
So for the last 8 years or so i have been dealing with issues and im so sick of it i want my normal life back. I will go months and be doing great and then boom out of no where there it is. i will wake up everyday feeling nervous and light headed i have terrible thoughts running thru my head and heart will race and i constantly feel like im gonna fall over any second and die. this can last for weeks and then i will slowly go away. I do not and will never take drugs for this. I totally understand why people take them and everyone is different and what ever helps people get better i understand. but my opinion is its a band-aid for a problem and doctors dont know what is wrong so they say here take this pill and you will be fine your body was not meant to survive on drugs.
It is not my intention to offend anyone but that's just how i feel. So like i said before i will have months where i feel great and then out of no where i will get this terrible anxiety for days or even weeks for no reason at all. This has been going on for 8 years and i have paid very close attention to things to try to figure out what will trigger this and there is no rhyme or reason it just happens.
I am not depressed i have a great family and great friends. Sure i get sad sometimes like any other normal human being would and things aren't always great but i try very hard to live a balanced life style and take care of myself. I don't get stressed easily and if i do i talk about it with people and try not to hold things in. I dont drink alcohol or do any drugs of any sort and i exercise and stay pretty active.
Now, on the months when i feel good i will have very mild episodes from time to time but nothing that effects me bad and for the most part I'm fine but then there will be weeks where it is so bad i feel like I'm loosing it. I wake up in the morning and i feel like i have adrenaline running thru my body i feel jittery and my mind is racing and this will last all day.
I dont have trouble falling asleep but there will be many nights where i start to fall asleep and i jerk and wake up suddenly like you were having a dream you were falling but it almost feels like my heart stooped beating. This will happen like 4 or 5 times before i finally fall asleep for the night. I don't wake up gasping for air like i stopped breathing it is like my heart stopped beating. I have heart palpitations and i have been to the doc and had many tests including stress tests and echo test and they said i was fine and not to worry.
Also i have had my thyroid checked and blood tests and they always come back fine. I am grateful that they are normal but i would like to find some explanation for what is going on. I have accepted that i do suffer from anxiety but i feel like there is something going on and that's what triggers my anxiety. It's not like it comes on slowly i can be doing something i enjoy with no worries and feeling great and like a rock it hits me i start feeling like crap. There has been weeks where i can't leave the house i feel week and lethargic dizzy and nervous. Then it will slowly get better like a virus or sickness would and i feel like there is something going on that is mixing with anxiety and this other issue is being overlooked and blamed entirely on anxiety.
The one thing that will trigger anxiety is if i take a long drive by myself especially on highways. If i have someone in the car with me i do feel better but it is still there i don't know what it is about driving that brings this on. Back in the day i could drive across the country by myself and be great now if you told me i had to take a 3 hour road trip by myself i couldn't do it if you paid me. i get tunnel vision and feel like I'm gonna faint so my hands start sweating and i freak out. But in my good months i can drive all i want and be just fine like a normal person. So if i had a phobia of driving wouldn't you think it would be like that all the time not just sometimes?
Over the years i have experienced a variety of symptoms from heart palpitations to tension thru my entire body to light headed and dizziness. This is 8 years of problems I'm trying to put into one page and its not coming out how i thought it would but i appreciate you taking the time to read my story and would appreciate any input on similar problems and what you have done or do to help them. I appreciate life and i enjoy life when i feel good i feel like I'm the richest man in the world. but when I'm feeling this way i feel like my life is wasting away.
Thanks again for your time
And that is that. I'm in a bit of a rush so I couldn't remove every grammar mistake I encountered.
For your case, I'd recommend desensitization and acceptance. The first is actually very simple. Going on the principle that the more you do something, the easier it gets, desensitization involves repeated exposure to the things that freak you out. Start slowly, recognize that the situation is never as terrible as your mind makes it, and work from there with small steps and common sense. If positive affirmations work for you, go for them! Congratulate yourself after every small victory. If you're emboldened by brash encouraging, try that. "Come on man. You can do this! You're stronger than this and you know it!"
Acceptance is simply what it says, but it takes time to implement and reap the results. I don't have much to say about this as I'm far from coming to terms with my own issues, but you basically have to stop fighting yourself. If your mind comes with a frightening thought, acknowledge it (instead of trying to ignore/fighting it) and then ask yourself. "So what?" So what if that happens? Like I said before, your mind will automatically steer towards the worst case scenario. Don't let that frighten you. Worst case scenarios happen once in a blue moon, and you can take a few precautions to make sure that doesn't happen.
Still, the only way to beat this is to just go on with your life. Do the things you feel apprehensive about even if you don't feel like it. The more you postpone, the bigger the fear gets. It feeds on inactivity and doubt. Don't let it grow.