I'm usually quite private about my anxiety (not out of embarrassment and more through peoples lack of understanding) but I'm just really looking to talk to people that know what living with anxiety is really like.
As with most people I've worried for as long as I can remember. Some of my most vivid school memories are of me worry about something. I'm 26 now and things have only got worse really. I had what I think was a breakdown about 16 months ago and it was the darkest time of my life. Since then I've rebuilt myself and my life but the anxiety is still there.
I guess I'm just starting to wonder what kind of quality of life I have ahead of me. If the rest of my life is going to be clouded by my anxiety then (ironically) I can't stop worry about it. I do have happiness in my life. I have a wonderful daughter and great friends. I just feel like I can't enjoy my life fully because of the weight of anxiety on me, ruining stuff!
The most recent 'wave' was after I split from a net partner. It was a massive and constant panic about being HIV+. For some reason (and I'm not entirely sure why) this is a really big deal to me. Even writing it out now is freaking me out a bit. I was walking round like a zombie for weeks, googling the symptoms, thinking about my funeral and the fact that I'd have to send my daughter to live with someone else to be sure I didn't pass it on to her. I couldn't enjoy anything, including my birthday, until I got the 'all clear'. Which I did. But the intense anxiety that lasted for weeks has now caused a flare up of psorisis all over my body. And I've never suffered from it before.
Does this get easier? As I get older will I learn how to cope better? Is there anyone who feels as though they have a good and happy life - despite their anxiety??