Thank You Kc! Well, I've had 4 therapists total in the span of 13 years; and have been on Celexa for the first time in 2002, and a few times after that. I also tried Lexapro for a short time. My first therapist was wonderful, he gave me a diagnosis of GAD; I stopped seeing him because he moved out of state. The next therapist was also a good one...she is the one who suggested Celexa which worked absolute wonders for me--helped me accomplish a lot--went back to school at 32 to study Fine Arts, and held a 4.0 gpa. Then I got pregnant after 7 years of trying (I always wondered if the Celexa helped that too) so I discontinued the Celexa, but the pregnancy ended in miscarriage. So, at that point I was kind of back at square one. My marriage had a big melt-down in 2005, and at that point me and my husband went for marriage counseling together. My therapist decided to change professions and became a financial advisor so that relationship ended. Then I saw yet another therapist which was the one who caused me to throw in the towel and give up on therapy for awhile....she knew of my marital issues, and was sort of pushing me to end my marriage which was against what I wanted, so I stopped seeing her. My last therapist was a super-nice woman who I really liked a lot, but I wasn't sure if I was making very much progress. At that point I changed insurance plans which made my deductible higher, so in addition to the 40.00 dollar copay I had to pay an additional 40.00 dollars each visit. I could not fathom spending that much for something I wasn't sure was working for me, so I totally stopped as of the end of 2012.
But, at this point I feel that my life is not the life I asked for, in the sense that I am not living it as I should be. I have so much creativity in me (art) that I cannot express because I am beaten down by the burden of carrying anxiety with me on a daily basis. I am half-way toward my degree, but have not been back to school since 2008, despite my last Instructor telling me to continue on with it. That very Instructor pointed me out in a classroom of younger 'kids' and said that I was the most 'serious, motivated' one among them in the class (I think he got disgusted by their slacking off one day)---which made me think maybe I belong there.
But anyway, it's not just going back to school that has been put on hold, it's everything from the moment I wake up in the morning. Anxiety is a dark cloud hovering over me waiting to zap me with a bolt of lightening (panic attack). I can't enjoy anything at all, period. And all I want is to be happy again, anxiety free. I want to one day be able to not even think, or worry about anxiety or when panic will strike me next.
So, that is why I think I need help.....yesterday I drove past a new business nearby, and the sign said 'Professional Counseling'. I am curios about it---I may call to find out more about it this week.
But anyway, that is it in a nutshell.....I need help, and it's up to me to get it. I'm not giving up yet! :)