I really need some feed back to what is going on with myself lately. Over the past couple of years I have started to experience anxiety. At first it was mostly intrusive thoughts, some paranoia, and just anxious over things that were scary (nothing to crazy). But now I've noticed I will have horrible thoughts or images about death, or me hurting someone I love. I recently started taking Jiu Jitsu, which I have been trying to work up the courage to do for over three years now, and I love it! However learning how to strangle people, and different martial art techniques, my thoughts have been making me believe If I learn how to hurt people I will. Similar to the way I will see a kitchen knife, and instantly perceive it as a weapon, and fear what could happen if I lost control all of a sudden, and used that weapon. Another issue I've been having which honestly is becoming debilitating as it affects my college school work to the point that I have now put myself in the position to fail everyone of my classes. I get really anxious about the universe, and how we don't know why or how life started, and how small we are in comparison to everything else in the cosmos, I often feel like why would I waste my time doing homework or going to class if I'm only a spec in the universe, and why is it really relevant. I understand it sounds really silly, but it is honestly starting to really freak me out to the point that I have probably googled whether or not I'm going crazy, or how to stop whatever thoughts I'm having every single day for over a year now. If anyone has any insight or help or anything, it would mean so much to me!