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Author Topic: Trouble understanding my thought process  (Read 190 times)

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Offline Goose14

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Trouble understanding my thought process
« on: March 11, 2014, 04:09:56 AM »
Hello everyone!
I really need some feed back to what is going on with myself lately. Over the past couple of years I have started to experience anxiety.  At first it was mostly intrusive thoughts, some paranoia, and just anxious over things that were scary (nothing to crazy).  But now I've noticed I will have horrible thoughts or images about death, or me hurting someone I love.  I recently started taking Jiu Jitsu, which I have been trying to work up the courage to do for over three years now, and I love it! However learning how to strangle people, and different martial art techniques, my thoughts have been making me believe If I learn how to hurt people I will. Similar to the way I will see a kitchen knife, and instantly perceive it as a weapon, and fear what could happen if I lost control all of a sudden, and used that weapon.  Another issue I've been having which honestly is becoming debilitating as it affects my college school work to the point that I have now put myself in the position to fail everyone of my classes.  I get really anxious about the universe, and how we don't know why or how life started, and how small we are in comparison to everything else in the cosmos, I often feel like why would I waste my time doing homework or going to class if I'm only a spec in the universe, and why is it really relevant. I understand it sounds really silly, but it is honestly starting to really freak me out to the point that I have probably googled whether or not I'm going crazy, or how to stop whatever thoughts I'm having every single day for over a year now. If anyone has any insight or help or anything, it would mean so much to me!
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Offline Cuchculan

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Re: Trouble understanding my thought process
« Reply #1 on: March 11, 2014, 06:25:14 AM »
I know people have different opinions on this sort of thing. But I always see it as the one thing you wouldn't want to ever see happening in life, come across as the intrusive thought. To kick you even harder it is you carrying out the act in your thought. So I don't see them as things you would act out. They are your worst fears. These are people you love. People would never want to see harm come to at all. Yet here in your head you see such harm inflicted upon these people by you. Sort of like a double blow. I would always suggest therapy. To get the right kind of help. To help you sort out why you are having these thoughts. To make sense of them. Many people have similar thoughts. We get loads of similar posts. I have yet to read of anybody act on such a thought. It is not something they would ever really do. But the fear is always there. This is what you need the help with. To sit down with an expert in this area and work your way through what you are going through. I know you would never do such a thing. I am sure you do too deep down. Like having your worse fear thrown back in your face. Seek out help if you can. Start to make things right.
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