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Author Topic: Weight Obsessions  (Read 197 times)

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Offline AlwaysaDreamer

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Weight Obsessions
« on: March 10, 2014, 11:22:02 PM »
I've always been somewhat controlled by food in one way or another. I'm not happy unless I can see my ribs. When that starts to go away, I start to panic again. At 21, I'm the lightest I've ever been (which is in no way an unhealthy weight- 109- it's just the truth).

I don't believe I have an eating disorder per say, and that's not the point of this rant, but I just hate being so overwhelmed by the constant need to diet. Even when I'm 'happy' with my weight, that changes very quickly. I always feel guilty when I eat something I know is unhealthy- any type of dessert makes me feel instantly guilty and often prompts another diet. I feel like I waste so much time with this obsession and I have for years and it's consuming me.

The other day I spent the day with my best friend, and as soon as I took my coat off she just stared at me and told me she hadn't realized how much weight I'd actually lost, and told me not to lose any more. When I didn't answer at first and proceeded to brush it off, she reinforced that it was unhealthy. The thing is- her being concerned about the fact that I'm losing weight just gave me satisfaction. Not because I'm aiming for attention, but because I'm apparently successfully losing weight. And through my whole trip home, I had received those comments. From my father (I mean who doesn't expect to hear the "are you eating right" rant from their parents?), to an old family friend I just randomly met at the mall who was shocked that she could "even see it in my face".

And like I said- I was happy. I treated myself a little because I felt like I could handle it.

But now I'm back to dieting and cutting back and constantly watching my calorie intake, always being aware of how much is in the foods I'm eating.

Now I'm ranting.

I guess I just want someone to talk to who understands how distressing the whole thought process is. The never being happy unless you can see bones and the number on the scale dictating your mood for the day. Where I once couldn't go over 120, it became 115, and now I can't bare to see the scale hit over 110. My next goal is 105. I remember thinking I would be happy once I hit my current weight, but the goal only got lower because I can still see that little bit of fat that needs to go.

Like I said- I just want to talk to somebody who knows what it's like I guess.
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Offline Cuchculan

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Re: Weight Obsessions
« Reply #1 on: March 13, 2014, 06:54:43 AM »
Honest question for you. Will you ever be able to sit down and be happy with yourself? Or is it always going to be this mental battle with yourself over weight. I know lots of females who imagine they are to heavy. Lord they haven't a pick on them. If it was me, and I am skinny too, I would visit a doctor and find out my right weight based on my height and use that as my goal. That way you know all is perfect. You have a medical expert telling you the weight you should be. Fair to say that some people can overdo it. Take it a bit too far. I think that is what your friend and other people who commented to you where thinking. Just my own opinion. It is best to talk to an expert in the field of weight and height. Find out what your weight should be and stick to that weight. Bones and ribs are not always the sweetest things in the world to see. All we have to do is look at TV footage of Africa and famine hit countries to see lots of that.
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Offline AlwaysaDreamer

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Re: Weight Obsessions
« Reply #2 on: March 13, 2014, 12:07:40 PM »
Honest question for you. Will you ever be able to sit down and be happy with yourself? Or is it always going to be this mental battle with yourself over weight. I know lots of females who imagine they are to heavy. Lord they haven't a pick on them. If it was me, and I am skinny too, I would visit a doctor and find out my right weight based on my height and use that as my goal. That way you know all is perfect. You have a medical expert telling you the weight you should be. Fair to say that some people can overdo it. Take it a bit too far. I think that is what your friend and other people who commented to you where thinking. Just my own opinion. It is best to talk to an expert in the field of weight and height. Find out what your weight should be and stick to that weight. Bones and ribs are not always the sweetest things in the world to see. All we have to do is look at TV footage of Africa and famine hit countries to see lots of that.

I have been happy with myself before, and there are some days where I am, but it just seems like it's so short lived. I can be happy about it one day and the next day when I look at myself in the mirror all I can see are extra pounds, and then it turns into guilt about whatever it is I consumed that day. Then I start to form a plan to fix it, through starting another diet and some added exercise. Granted, I'm not as heavy on the exercise as I was before. It used to be that I would do a couple hours every day of fast-paced exercise. Now I'm finding that my riding a couple times a week and dance several times a week, with a hundred sit-ups in the evening a several times a week is enough.

When I'm happy with myself, I'm still concerned with what I'm eating, but I allow myself breaks and give myself treats. When I (inevitably) become unhappy with myself again, that's when I start cutting back again and that's when I really pick up the exercise again.

And I know being happy with being able to see the outline of my rib cage is probably not a good thought process, but to me it's an accomplishment. This whole topic goes against really the entire person I am, but it's been life consuming for a long time. My weight is just on my mind too frequently :/

It's so superficial, I know. And I really hate that about it, but this is just something I haven't been able to turn around for more than a small period of time.
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