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Author Topic: ITs hell someone please reassure me  (Read 430 times)

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Offline Ouarezki

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ITs hell someone please reassure me
« on: March 10, 2014, 12:59:40 PM »
My anxiety is at a peek where i can no longer control it, i'm terrified. I can't breathe or sit still for a minute
Worst of all i can't even trust my doctor. I've been through sooo much
Depersonalization, depression , GAD....it just won't go away
Yesterday my doc tried a new med and that just killed me...tremors, cries, screaming for death it was horrible and exremeely shocking. i keep going from one shock to another that it just doesn't seem like i'll make it through the tunnel
i don't even know if a can call this anxiety.....please tell me this will get bettet, please help i'm dying
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Offline kconnors

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Re: ITs hell someone please reassure me
« Reply #1 on: March 10, 2014, 01:07:32 PM »
Hi,

So sorry to hear of your experiences . . .

What does your doc say? Is it possible to get inpatient treatment if even to stabilize yourself in order to deal with developing management strategies?

It seems to me that you need immediate and intense support.

All I can tell you is from personal experience . . . I was terrified also because I was losing control . . . I would go to bed, sleep, and wake up with overwhelming anxiety . . . . it does get better, but you need to deal with this with as much support (professional and personal) as possible . . . . is there a support line that you can call? A friend to help you through this rough period until you find the right treatment, both pharmaceutical and therapy? Is there a teaching hospital nearby with an inpatient clinic?

It does get better . . . it is a process, though, and not an event which makes it frustrating, disappointing, and scary at times but there is recovery . . . .

Have you gone for a second opinion? Is your doctor trained in intervention with folks with anxiety? This is not to diss doctors but sometimes a doctor who is not practicing in the field consistently may not be up to date on what pharmaceuticals and strategies are out there  ..  .would a second opinion be possible?

I know that I am not offering much help . . . the best I can do is to know that you are welcome here  . . .sometimes just coming and writing helps take the edge off of anxiety . . . .please, let us know what is happening and how you are dealing with it . . .we will do our best to support you . . .but it does get better . . . for me, it did and for you it will also . . . it is just a bit of an arduous journey . . .take care, kc
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Offline Ouarezki

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Re: ITs hell someone please reassure me
« Reply #2 on: March 11, 2014, 02:09:01 PM »
Hello, thank you ssoo much for taking the care to reply. It did help :)
I'm just terrified/ mainly because my anxiety just won't go away
It comes by itself, does hell to me mind and body then after a week or so i get the courage to fight it, it starts to reduce and goes away...then BOOM its back with notice and for no reason.
I've gone through the typical steps of getting better yet it still comes back and thoug I can control panic attacks sometimes, when they really hit me, for a whole day I can't deal with it its tooo much
I've been seeing another doctor for a few months, i used to be on Deroxat (SSRI) for 4.5 years...too long_ she thought i developped a resistance to them and put me on Anafralin.
I have still to manage a scary anxiety attack...because it makes me sick (menally and physically)
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Offline kconnors

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Re: ITs hell someone please reassure me
« Reply #3 on: March 11, 2014, 02:53:36 PM »
I hear you . . . my anxiety makes me emotionally and physically ill also . . .perhaps with the new doc and meds thing will flatten out for you . . . it's just such a bad place to be because the good days, well, we want them to last forever and then we get frustrated with the bad ones . . . please, though, as much as it is a struggle, keep at it . . .wish I could give you more concrete advice but I still struggle with the issues although most of the time I manage okay . . . .not always, but a lot better than before and for longer periods of time . .. let us know how things are going for you and if the meds are having a good result . . .take care, kc
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Offline Ouarezki

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Re: ITs hell someone please reassure me
« Reply #4 on: March 12, 2014, 07:18:56 AM »
You're still going through it??
I have reached a point where i'm absolutly convinced there is no cure, i'm hopeless i don't see any other way.
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Offline kconnors

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Re: ITs hell someone please reassure me
« Reply #5 on: March 12, 2014, 10:03:38 AM »
Well, here's the story with me . . . in the beginning, I would swing rapidly between good days and bad days and then as I started to deal with the anxiety and its triggers, the intensity of the episodes as well as the frequency changed . . .the intensity lessened and lessened and the frequency of the episodes became increasing more intermittent . . . so now instead of one good day followed by a bad day, I have gone months and months with no episodes . . . when I sense that I am reacting our of anxiety, I am able to manage it and get over it . . . it's a matter of process . . . . I have developed skills and techniques . . . I won't lie that there are not episode provoking times but they do not get ahead of me . . . so when I say I struggle with anxiety issues, I mean that I have points in my life where I have to take steps back and look at what is going on . . . but, once I process the situation and apply my techniques, things are more manageable and I return to a balanced state . . .

It is definitely not hopeless . . . there are many who participate in this community who have been cured and there are others of us who prefer to view anxiety as a companion . . . I have used it as an early alert system that I am overtired, overdoing things, overprocessing information and this gives me the opportunity to step back, evaluate, and then deal with the issues rather than letting anxiety get control of my life . . .quite frankly, how I am now and how I was 5 years ago is the difference of night and day . . . so whether some of us call this a cure or others, like myself are a bit more cautious, and call it a process, the bottomline is that the situation is not hopeless . . . I think the situation is frustrating for you now because you might be anticipating a quick fix and, at least for me, there was no quick fix . . . it is definitely a process of taking small steps at a time, asking questions, making sure that you tell your doc if the meds are not working or if there are side effects, and carving out little pieces of every day to take one positive action . . . it does not have to be a big step, but do something that gives you a sense of accomplishment . . .

I do wish I could tell you that there was a quick fix, but I can't because for me that was not the case . . . you will succeed and build your life again . . . it is definitely not hopeless but you have to gather even just a bit of strength for a 1 minute activity that brings you a sense of moving forward . . . .please check in and let us know how you are doing . . .we will do our best to support you as much as we can . . . . you are definitely not alone . . .take care, kc
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Offline sigwafsus

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Re: ITs hell someone please reassure me
« Reply #6 on: March 12, 2014, 11:26:54 AM »
For me, when it feels bad, it feels like it ALWAYS feels bad.  When I don't feel bad I have a better perspective on the anxiety.  I say this because it may feel like this awful feeling well never end but it will pass.  You will feel better at some point, and when you do, hang on to that time and always remind yourself that you have the capacity to feel better.
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Offline liveitup898

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Re: ITs hell someone please reassure me
« Reply #7 on: March 12, 2014, 12:34:09 PM »
i guarantee you will get better BUT you must continue to push, and work at getting rid of this. 

the positive thoughts are sometimes hard to believe in, but you need to realize that there is so much positivity to your life and that you simply may not recognize it or be able to find it at this point......but that's because everything is clouded by the negativity your mind has created.

Don't worry, and don't be hard on yourself because we all have gone through this and a lot of us continue to battle these demons......

But i promise it WILL GET BETTER - but remember to keep strong.  Say a few prayers IF you believe in God.........i know that although i am not a devote catholic, when i had a really rough time 2 years ago i turned to God and spoke to him daily and it helped me drastically (believe it or not, it is true). 
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"Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover." Mark Twain

Offline Ouarezki

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Re: ITs hell someone please reassure me
« Reply #8 on: March 13, 2014, 05:23:14 AM »
Hello everybody, i'm so thankful for the information you gave me.
Yet with the state i am in right now good and positive points go in one ear and out the other. I have found a relative that went through all of this and sh'es being very helpfull. Nothing can bring my mood up right now. I thought i week ago i can overcome this but the side effects from the new med i tried provoked the worst state of ming i have ever felt, it was unbeleivably painful.
The problem is that i've gone through what people say is "the process to feeling cured", i've accepted, made things positive, continued everyday activities despite the persistant feeling of derealization or anxiety....it eventually faded. BUT THEN IT COMES BACK, the attacks are more frequent, monthly.
So this is why i can;t, for the life of me see the light at the end of the tunnel.
PLUS: i'm supposed to be graduating in June and i havent been able to do anything. I'm terrible and i hate myself for all of this
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Offline liveitup898

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Re: ITs hell someone please reassure me
« Reply #9 on: March 13, 2014, 12:39:17 PM »
trust me, i have been through hell and back with my anxiety and negative thinking.....however i have made big strides to recovery and plan on beating it completely in the future.

don't EVER give up, and don't ever stop with positive thinking even if you don't feel the positivity is real.  It will eventually become real...trust me...

Try writing down positives in your life or things that make you happy on paper......take 10 minutes a day and do this.....keep all those papers and you will eventually realize how much good there is in your life because you will constantly see your papers getting bigger.

Even if its the same things you are writing everyday, who cares.......keep doing it!  its about getting your positivity on paper and it will help sink into your mind more and stay there longer!
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"Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover." Mark Twain

Offline Ouarezki

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Re: ITs hell someone please reassure me
« Reply #10 on: March 13, 2014, 03:38:33 PM »
Do you mind me asking you how you did it exactly....
You see for me the worst feeling is that i've been like this for so long that i'm kind of dissociated from reality, i always seem to be on the border it. Here but not here, i'm completely dissociated its horrible. I'm not sure if i'll ever find my real self agaon...whoever that person was. Just being caught in this bubble of black thick fog and pain prevents me from taking part of life. I'm so confused and lost...the odd existenial question pops up in my head everyday to worsen things....do you understand how i am now??
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Offline liveitup898

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Re: ITs hell someone please reassure me
« Reply #11 on: March 13, 2014, 06:28:35 PM »
my issues were more of fear, and me creating imaginary scenarios that eventually create panic in me.....

are you on medication? 

i have been on medication for a few years, i hope to get off it eventually and will make an effort to do so - BUT i do admit that medication helped me get better. 

ultimately in my case i need therapy and more discussion into my root problems from my past and present and learn to deal with it better.....
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"Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover." Mark Twain

Offline Ouarezki

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Re: ITs hell someone please reassure me
« Reply #12 on: March 14, 2014, 07:16:18 AM »
I was on Deroxat from 2009 until February this year. I was also on half a remeron at night: i stopped that after 1.5 years.
With my new psychiatrist she said that i'd developped a ressistance to Deroxat so she switched me to Anafralin (Febuary 16th 2014), it was fine at first but now everything is back.  I'm totally hopeless and cannot see past my negativity and this world i've been living in since 2009. I think i'm delvelopping a depression which sucks too....i can't fight anymore its too strong.
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Offline kconnors

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Re: ITs hell someone please reassure me
« Reply #13 on: March 14, 2014, 07:21:44 AM »
Yeah, the pull of anxiety is strong, but you are stronger . . . . if the meds are not working for * you * and that is the key, for * you *, then you need to get back to your doctor . . . ask questions . . .does the Anafralin take more than 4 weeks to kick in? is it the right drug for you? the right dosage? Are you seeing a counselor to help guide you into management skills . . .meds help with the symptoms, but you need to deal with the reasons behind the symptoms for recovery . . . it is damn difficult, but as strong as anxiety is, you are stronger . . . you need medical help, counseling help, and support . . . you are not hopeless . . . you just need guidance to see past your negativity . . . yep, it is a process and it can be frustrating but as you see those blotches of clearness you will work towards them and that will make all the difference . . .please, please, please keep in touch . . .take care, kc
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Offline Ouarezki

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Re: ITs hell someone please reassure me
« Reply #14 on: March 14, 2014, 01:07:59 PM »
Thank you so much for taking interest, docotrs here don't give out there numbers to patients. Which was a bumber when i had horrible side effects to one called "risperdal"
You know the main reason i'm feeling like this is because it always comes back. It comes, causes havoc, i get depressed but i always come out of it, but then it comes back in shorter intervals. Was that your case too?? Why is deoes it keep coming back if i've gone through the process of getting better?
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