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Author Topic: What's wrong with me?  (Read 252 times)

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Offline UhmLynsey

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What's wrong with me?
« on: March 07, 2014, 07:51:34 AM »
Heyy, I'm Lynsey.
I am certain that for most of my life(me being 18 now), i have struggled with, in the least, social anxiety. Not long ago i went through a traumatic experience, i was around 15. I was diagnosed with anxiety, ADD and ptsd and had meds for all. I was in therapy for around 6 months and reached a state of mind i was very happy with. My ptsd was manageable, i conquered my anxiety and i was relatively happy. After moving from Wyoming to Arkansas, me still being 15, i dropped my meds and did fine for a while. After my 16th birthday and after starting the 11th grade, something went wrong. I started driving myself crazy. I couldn't get it out of my head that my mind didn't work right. I thought i was either crazy or mentally handicapped. I thought i had to manually operate my mind. Yeah it was weird. I had a really bad case of dissociation. I felt like i was inside my mind and my body wasn't a part of me. My parents just did not understand what was going on with me. I would cry to my parents almost every day saying things like "I'm not normal", "I can't think", "I'm going crazy". I was so close to getting scanned in a hospital to see if i had anything unusual going on with my brain, and my mom was so close to enrolling me in a mental hospital. Eventually, i was put back into therapy and onto depression/anxiety meds, specifically Zoloft. My therapy brought it to my attention to all those thoughts that i was obsessed with were coming from my anxiety. She called it "The anxiety monster". Things slowly got really awesome for me. I had a close friend and an enjoyable school life. I was slowly starting to feel normal again. So life went on pretty awesome. Until I started college haha. Things went nice for a few months. I did some things that slowly started to make me feel bad about myself. I really tried to change who i was. I go to college with a lot of southern students, since i live in the small farm town of Beebe, Ar. I tried to change my personality to fit all those southern girls around me. All this mental stress drove me into a small depression. I stopped hanging out with people and just stayed in my room(I live on campus). I wanted to return to that person i was at the end of my senior year so bad. I drove myself crazy again. Now I don't know how to explain how i'm feeling. My mind is a mess. As i write this, there are so many thoughts that fill my mind such as "You don't have anxiety", "You can't have anxiety because you don't have thoughts" and crazy things like that. I'm confused. It's like i'm having anxiety that i don't have anxiety. But it doesn't feel like anxiety. It feels like truth. I'm trying to relax and just live my life but it doesn't feel that simple. I feel again like my mind isn't normal, but i don't know how to explain it this time. Last time i knew exactly how i felt and it all fits into the category of anxiety. what i'm feeling now just feels like confusion and fogginess. I know i'm starting to not make sense as i reach the end of this post, but i'm just so frustrated right now haha. Any thoughts?
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Offline floridaguy65

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Re: What's wrong with me?
« Reply #1 on: March 07, 2014, 09:06:22 AM »
Nothing is 'wrong' with you, per se:)

You have some mental health challenges to deal with....and this CAN be done:)

Nothing you said in your post strikes me as odd, one bit. When we have anxiety issues, they can truly tend to ebb and flow (wax and wane) as we move through our lives. The goal, of course, would be to try to keep up with the actions and habits and techniques that you feel (or you and your Doc feel) are helping keep anxiety from being dominate in your live. "Normal" stressors such as moving, changing schools, starting college, having relationship difficulties, having financial pressures, etc., can cause our underlying predisposition to panic and fear to really ramp up and get us caught up in a nasty fear cycle.

It seems you are overanalyzing what is going on in your head...trying to figure out where these intrusive thoughts are coming from. Creating "what ifs?". These are all common anxiety thinking patterns. Don't freak for having these type thoughts. Work towards acceptance and a better understanding that this is all part of it. But, it being 'all part of it' doesn't mean that we can't do things that can really help anxiety from creating big 'ol lifeflow interruptions.

Also, you are certainly NOT the only one in Beebe, AR. that struggles with anxiety, at times. I promise you this:)

And, there is always help and hope. You have worked your way to some good peace before....do not feel that you cannot do it again.

What do you feel you can do for your current situation?

Peace and Feel Well:)
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Offline UhmLynsey

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Re: What's wrong with me?
« Reply #2 on: March 07, 2014, 04:04:34 PM »
Thank you so much for your input, it means so very much to me that you took time out of your day to help me with my issues(:
You are probably right that this is just another struggle that my anxiety has decided to put me through and there's nothing unusually wrong with me. This just doesn't feel like the anxiety i've been through before. It's probably the strongest it's ever been right now. I am back on Zoloft and i believe i do feel a tiny bit better. It seems like my mind gets a little bit more organized every day. Of course the feeling of relief i get from this realization is short lived.
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Offline Potatoes

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Re: What's wrong with me?
« Reply #3 on: March 07, 2014, 04:40:02 PM »
Hey Lynsey, Welcome to the board.

Sounds like you're facing some uncomfortable battles right now. I'm going to tell you right up front, you battle with your mind, you're most likely going to end up on the bottom. There's a million reasons to think something is wrong, it only takes one reason to tell you your ship is afloat. So hang in there. You're in college. at the age of 18. Good for you, what are you planning on studying?

I'm in college as well, I have started medication, Zoloft, about one month ago and it was hell starting off, I've got a meeting with the psychiatrist on the 21st and we will see dosage there.
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Let's chop this up a bit.
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Heyy, I'm Lynsey.
I am certain that for most of my life(me being 18 now), i have struggled with, in the least, social anxiety. Not long ago i went through a traumatic experience, i was around 15. I was diagnosed with anxiety, ADD and ptsd and had meds for all.
After moving from Wyoming to Arkansas, me still being 15, i dropped my meds and did fine for a while. After my 16th birthday and after starting the 11th grade, something went wrong. I started driving myself crazy. I couldn't get it out of my head that my mind didn't work right. I thought i was either crazy or mentally handicapped. I thought i had to manually operate my mind. Yeah it was weird. I had a really bad case of dissociation. I felt like i was inside my mind and my body wasn't a part of me.

Were you a pretty shy kid growing up? You've got to take into account your age here. Being a young teenager is stressful enough... your body and mind is developing, It's basic psychology. Add all of which you were diagnosed with at this time and I can see where this could definitely be a very tough time you were going through.


My parents just did not understand what was going on with me. I would cry to my parents almost every day saying things like "I'm not normal", "I can't think", "I'm going crazy". I was so close to getting scanned in a hospital to see if i had anything unusual going on with my brain, and my mom was so close to enrolling me in a mental hospital.

When people don't understand how you feel they can make assumptions, which may lead to their reaction, in a way it's caring, but it seems like it was more of an impulsed reaction, You were fighting a mind battle of anxiety, and that was completely fine. It's your right to be entitled to how you feel, and I don't blame you one bit there.



My therapy brought it to my attention to all those thoughts that i was obsessed with were coming from my anxiety.... Things slowly got really awesome for me.

Therapy is a great way of talking things through and learning to be more assertive and changing your perspective, especially learning how to control your anxiety and your mind. As you stated "slowly" it is a VERY slow process, It takes a long time, but it's awesome to feel that it made you feel great, but you've definitely got to stick with it. It is not a short-term cure that's for sure.



I really tried to change who i was. I go to college with a lot of southern students, since i live in the small farm town of Beebe, Ar. I tried to change my personality to fit all those southern girls around me. All this mental stress drove me into a small depression. I stopped hanging out with people and just stayed in my room(I live on campus). I wanted to return to that person i was at the end of my senior year so bad.

That is a typical social anxiety move. Maybe you often wonder "Do these other girls feel the same exact way I do?" You tried to fit a personality that wasn't exactly you, and it became work. Nobody wants to work to "be themselves". It sounds that you worked hard on fitting in with your click and you fought the complex of who you are and who you were/are trying to be. Nothing wrong with that, it's not even that you did it on purpose, but it will definitely leave the window open for uncomfort and anxiety.


I drove myself crazy again. Now I don't know how to explain how i'm feeling. My mind is a mess. As i write this, there are so many thoughts that fill my mind such as "You don't have anxiety", "You can't have anxiety because you don't have thoughts" and crazy things like that. I'm confused. It's like i'm having anxiety that i don't have anxiety. But it doesn't feel like anxiety.

What does anxiety feel like? Anxiety is what keeps you safe, alert, alive... it is instinct. your mind is working at a million thoughts a second, it is throwing you into hyperdrive. the fact that you're battling what you're really feeling is anxiety in and of itself. You have anxiety. we all do. You have a little extra tick of it, as do I. So what? Doesn't make you any less of a person.  :happy0151: You've got to learn to accept it. It's who you are. That's not saying "give up" that's saying getting back on the saddle and taking control of it. Don't let it control you.


It feels like truth. I'm trying to relax and just live my life but it doesn't feel that simple. I feel again like my mind isn't normal, but i don't know how to explain it this time. Last time i knew exactly how i felt and it all fits into the category of anxiety. what i'm feeling now just feels like confusion and fogginess.


Simple example:

You are trying to deny what you're feeling and going through. It's not going to work.

Most overused analogy:

If you look at a purple giraffe, there's no two ways around it... your mind is going to think it's a purple giraffe, you can try to convince yourself it's a green elephant but is it really?


You've got a lot of support here. Utilize it. Keep in touch with your doctors and be involved in your therapy. Focus on the good things in life, and that's the only way you can go about living worry free.

Be assertive. know your "yes" and "no"s. There's not one person in this world that can or should try to control how and what you feel.


Best wishes.
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