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Author Topic: Jealousy and Overattachment?  (Read 261 times)

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Offline 1wanderingwordsmith

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Jealousy and Overattachment?
« on: March 06, 2014, 04:56:08 PM »
Does anyone else have this problem?

I find that when I start dating someone new I want to spend all my time with them. I get such warm fuzzies from that connection, and my anxiety is almost none. At first they want to spend a lot of time with me too, but they start wanting to spend time elsewhere, or have other dates, I feel panic and jealousy. Recently it's become MUCH worse.
I try to keep my anxiety down but I start feeling abandoned and rejected, even if they insist they still want to be with me. I feel like I can't trust anyone's words, I try so hard to trust but I feel like I need endless reassurance.
I've had partners understand my trust issues and try to help by being reassuring... but it gets exhausting and they end up resenting me so I just don't ask for reassurance and end up resenting them. Sigh!
Partners have said "I need space" so often, I think I have a problem. I don't want to be known as clingy or needy.

I've been on Welbutrin XL about 8 months, and just started taking Cipralex for social anxiety as the Welbutrin seemed to be making it worse. I just went out with friends the other night for the first time in a long time.
With how bad the social phobia was getting, I wasn't able to socialize and I think that has do with my increase in jealousy and clinging. I focused completely on my partner as they were my only source of entertainment and communication, because everything else felt impossible. But with the medication I think I'll be able to focus less on my partner, and panic less about losing them, and make more connections, because the Cipralex seems to also be helping me not worry/not care about my partner's connections with other people and feel *almost* no jealousy or threat when they date others.

But medication can't work forever!!  :P What else can I do to overcome this? I'm hoping with lots of exposure my brain will LEARN that we don't need to always be on guard.
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Online Cuchculan

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Re: Jealousy and Overattachment?
« Reply #1 on: March 07, 2014, 05:42:08 AM »
I think one thing that has to be accepted in any relationship is that the other person has a life too. They may have other friends and want to spend some time with them too. At the start of any relationship it is always the same. Both people all over each other. Then it can, and nearly always does, calm down a bit. This is normal. This is the part you are finding hard to accept. It doesn't mean the person doesn't like you any less. It simply means they just want that bit of space to continue living their life and to see other friends and not be crowded out of it. This is the part you have to learn to deal with. Maybe find things to do yourself during this time. I am sure you have other friends too. Spend some time with them. Just chill out. The relationship will settle down. Both people involved will always have other things to do.
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