I'm not really sure what to say here, but for starters I thought I'd share that I have recently gone into treatment for my anxiety, which is is a relief, since I received the diagnosis that it was rather severe...2 long years ago. Awhile back something in me finally clicked and I've been able to gather the strength to get help. I feel proud to know I'm helping myself, that I made the decision on my own, and that I want to get better. And although it is very hard sometimes, I have to hold on to the idea that even the willingness to change at all is change in itself.
I've felt guilty for a long time. Guilty for feeling bad at all, guilty for not being able to handle this on my own, guilty for my life not being what I want, guilty for leaning on my friends and lover so much it caused my relationships to suffer, and guilty for needing so much to go exactly right all the time just so I can feel okay every second of every day. My perspective on life is all sorts of turned about and I can no longer trust my own instincts or intuition. I have a bad feeling about everything. It's not the way I want to live. I hope I can get better. I never thought I'd crumple under the weight of just living before, but here I am.