I am feeling very alone right now and would like to discuss what goes on in our heads when we have intense anxiety, if anyone can relate please do respond.
I used to get both panic and anxiety attacks that would result in the thought/feeling that "I'm dying" that everyone knows pretty well. I still get those, pretty frequently actually.
In the months since I started therapy my anxiety attacks have taken on new thoughts, I will have this intense panic that is brought on by thoughts of hopelessness in my life. Not feel like I'm dying, but feel like my mental struggles will plague me forever, and I'll never be able to enjoy life. I will get very scared, wondering if life has any meaning at all, wondering if I need to get treatment for depression. Honestly, these thoughts are worse than the ones before. I will have good days and bad days, though. Some days I feel SO much better than I used to, my life isn't the roller coaster that it used to be emotionally. Some days I can just relax, drive, study, and feel fine. Which is nice, because before I would either be so low with anxiety (and accompanying depression) or it's like the anxiety would crack and give me a "high" which was exhausting.
I wonder if my thoughts are getting worse because they are coming to a head, like the brain is resistant to change and so the anxiety will get worse and worse and I just need to continue to treat it and respond to it as my therapist tells me to, and it WILL go away. Like, is this a sign the treatment is working? Of course, paradoxically, anxiety itself will tell me this isn't true, that I'll never get better, and make me think negatively.
I'm going to talk about this stuff with my therapist in three weeks, until then I'm going to continue my anti-anxiety strategies (basically meditation and also responding to anxiety attacks neutrally, also examining my thoughts and trying to change them). This is exhausting sometimes though. I've never heard from someone who has anxiety, who said "It gets better" which scares me. Does anyone else want to talk about this?