Hello, everyone. I'm new in the group, and I came here because I've recently decided that maybe talking to other people who go through the same thing I go through could help me. If you don't mind, I would like to give you some context for you to understand my situation:
I'm Brazilian, 18, and I'm a student of International Negotiations. My anxiety attacks apparently began in 2010, but as I was talking to a psychologist, I realized that I'd already had symptoms before that year. Things just got worse in 2010 because it was a period of deep sadness and emotional breakdown (not sure if I can classify that as depression, I'm no expert on the subject, and my visits to the psychologist were interrupted). Nowadays I can now control myself a little better, and I can do things that would have been impossible for me in the past. However, in June of this year, I will face a challenge greater than any other I've faced so far: I will study abroad, in Canada, for almost three months. Just by imagining how it'll be, I begin to feel ill, so I know I need to start taking more drastic actions now, while I'm still three months away from the trip. Plus I'm graduating next year and I know I can't keep letting anxiety win if I want to enter the labor market, especially in the area I want.
When I have my anxiety attacks, what makes me lose control is the nausea and the urge to use the washroom. If I'm just nervous, hands sweating, heart pounding, or with my legs somewhat numb, I can still control myself and finish the task I've been given. But when I get nauseous and start feeling the urge to go to the washroom, I lose my mind completely, and allow the anxiety to take over. I try my best to breathe calmly, think of something else, repeat to myself I'll be okay, but it does not work. If those two symptoms come in, nothing goes right, my progress goes downhill immediately. I have emetophobia and irritable bowel syndrom, so these two things are closely related to my main symptoms and why they make me lose my mind.
Guys, I'm gonna spend 10 hours and 15 minutes in an airplane, I don't wanna freak out there... And in Canada, I'll stay in my boyfriend's house, so I don't want to embarrass myself in front of him and his family. They all know of my anxiety, and always try to help me, but I still don't want to be prevented from enjoying my trip because of my GAD. I've lost a lot of nice opportunities because of it... Do you guys have any idea of what would help me? I'm very, very desperate, and willing to do whatever it takes to control my problem. I'm not even exactly focused on getting rid of my anxiety in general. I know it takes a while. Right now I just wanna learn to at least stay calm and deal with my main symptoms.
Recently I started to learn knitting, and also started trying to meditate once a day. I am willing to change my eating habits completely, even if I have to eat stuff I don't like.
Please, please, I need help... I can't afford seeing a psychologist and I don't know what else to do. My parents do not fully understand GAD, and I know they mean well, but they have been really harsh on me in regards to my anxiety. I think they believe if they're tough on me, I'll be tough on my anxiety, but that's not how it works. It just makes me more nervous.
I can't let anxiety win this round. I have already attempted ***** because of it, but now I know better and I have more faith in myself. I know I can do this, guys, I know I can overcome this, but I feel like I'll lose my hope completely if this trip goes wrong... Please, help...