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Author Topic: Can anybody relate? Please read.  (Read 175 times)

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Offline Billie

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Can anybody relate? Please read.
« on: March 03, 2014, 08:38:35 PM »
This might be long, bear with me. I could use some input or thoughts, anything really.

I'm afraid to say what my ultimate fear is, to put it into words outloud or otherwise. All day long, I repeat to myself "I'm gonna live, I will live" so that the opposite thoughts have no room to fit in. I even have the word LIVE written on my fridge so I can actually SEE it. Sometimes it helps.

So anything and everything I do, I have to be thinking these "good thoughts" or I'll do it again and again until I do. Washing my hands, walking up and down the stairs, touching people, talking to people. You can imagine how exhausting this gets. It's especially difficult if I can't do it again. Say, I touch my husband on his way to work and had a bad thought with it, then he leaves. I freak out until he gets back. Or if I talk to someone at a store or something like that and I know once I hang up the phone I'll probably never talk to that person again and it causes a lot of anxiety.

Lately, my obsessions are time specific. I used to deal with this a little bit, but never to this degree. My current "bad" time is 2am, so I feel like I'm on a countdown to that time. Trust me, it took a lot for me to type that. My thoughts and anxiety are out of control while I wait out the hours. Does anyone deal with that? I try to keep myself distracted, but the what ifs and doubting take over.

I did restart Prozac, I was on it about seven months, then off for a month and it seems like the anxiety and obsessions are even worse than they ever were. Like I used to have more of that, hey it's just ocd, but now that part is so small and the thoughts are overwhelming.

I want to get past this, I want to tell ocd to eff off and do everything it tells me not to and just dismiss the thoughts for what they are, but it is really hard.

Anyway, I was just hoping to have any input and basically just wanted to get this out there.
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Offline VGH

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Re: Can anybody relate? Please read.
« Reply #1 on: March 04, 2014, 05:06:10 AM »
Hi ocdgirl, :action-smiley-065:

Good for you finding the strength to post your issues.

Sorry you are having a difficult time. Yes I can relate. Being obsessed with having to have the right thoughts is indeed exhausting. I am more in a state of general anxiety these days but the way I try and cope is the same. I try to be as calm as I can so that I can deal with whatever happens better than if I was in a state of panic. This is easier said than done, I have struggled with this the last couple of weeks. The key thing for me is telling myself that no matter what irrational thoughts I think, life will unfold the way it is going to, and it's best to be calming and clear minded. I think the only way your irrational thoughts could change life is by making you more prone to being forgetful because your too focused on having the right thoughts at th right time. So i would say to keep on trying to just recognize your OCD when it happens and do tell it to eff off and then carry on with your day, and try and tell yourself you are stronger every time you do.

As for being time specific, yeah, I have that too. I dont do well after 11pm until morning. I am a real work in progress there. I am trying to do something both calming and distracting (in a healthy way) before bed such as reading an interesting book. But it does not always work. I would suggest to just tell yourself when 2 am comes, you are going to do do some deep breathing or something calming or even distracting. If you can can stay in bed, do some deep breathing or meditate if you can. If that's not working try to read, I would suggest trying something you find interesting, if that does not work go for something that takes a lot of concentration, its all about trying take your mind off things in a healthy way. Anything that fully engages you. I think over time that will help by reprogramming yourself that 2 am or nighttime is okay, nothing going on or going to happen other than some reading and breathing and meditation. That's the hope anyway, I am not there yet myself but I am optimistic that overtime it will work.

I am sorry if I have not been able to help. Just know that I do understand and have great compassion for you and what you are going through. Good luck with everything.

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