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Author Topic: I love my fiance too much. I can't enjoy my time with him.  (Read 206 times)

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Offline skleep

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I love my fiance too much. I can't enjoy my time with him.
« on: March 03, 2014, 07:21:18 PM »
I got engaged in December and I have been worrying about my fiance's safety non stop.  I love him so much and I can't even enjoy the time I spend with him because I am so worried about catastrophes that may or may not occur at some point in the future- right now my obsession is avian flu (we live in the USA) and earthquakes.  Generally, I worry about things I have zero control over.  When the regular flu hit this year, I freaked out about my fiance dying from it.  I just want to enjoy him without constantly worrying about him.  Sometimes, there isn't even a distinct thing I worry about- I'm just sad/worried in general because I feel like I love him too darn much.

Has this happened to anyone else?  How did you overcome it?  Right now I'm trying to limit the amount that I research things...
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Offline VGH

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Re: I love my fiance too much. I can't enjoy my time with him.
« Reply #1 on: March 04, 2014, 03:52:40 AM »
Hi Skleep,

Congratulations on your engagement!

While I have never felt like I loved someone too much, I have lived with the feeling that something awful would happen to my loved ones. I had a hard time a few years ago worrying about my parents dying suddenly, like in a car accident. I have also worried a lot about my Mom. I still have these worries though not as bad.

My conditions tend to come and go (though they dont go away completely) so that could be how I overcame it, meaning that my anxiety subsided for a while. But I did have some insight into my worrying about loved ones 2 years ago. A lot of it came down to low self esteem, I thought that all the people I loved and anything that brought me happiness would be taken away from me because I felt like I did not deserve them. I am not saying that is you have low self esteem, just that is what I found for myself.

Worrying about things beyond your control I think is pretty typical to GAD. Natural disasters, your health, world/political events, your loved ones... All stuff you dont have much control over. All I can say is to just do your best in taking care of your health and encouraging your loved ones to do so as well. I would add that if you are in a more calm state of mind and something does happen, like an earthquake, you will respond much better than if you are panicked to begin with. I know thats easier said than done. I do try to practice deep breathing to stay calm, but mostly I just try and do things to keep my mind busy so I don't think about things. That is not necessarily healthy so I would suggest just trying things that are supposed to be calming, like meditation, yoga, deep breathing etc.

Finally I do think it is a good idea to not research things. I know that can be very helpful to people suffering from GAD. If you can take a break from your computer for 1 day or just from researching and fill in that time with something you like to do or something to reduce stress you may find it helps.

I really hope you can get some relief from this, I wish you all the best!
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Offline Natsab87

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Re: I love my fiance too much. I can't enjoy my time with him.
« Reply #2 on: March 05, 2014, 05:17:56 AM »
I have this exact same feeling the majority of the time and am having CBT to try and overcome it. I believe things in my past have made this a million times worse. Hearing about the death of loved ones and old friends, family members getting ill etc.

I have only had a few CBT sessions but she did tell me that no amount of me worrying is going to stop something catastrophic happening. I am not managing to actually take this in and control my worrying but I really hope I can! She also said, although it's fine to rely on loved ones alot and rely on them to make you happy, essentially you need to make yourself happy.

Whilst I agree with what she's saying, I'm having a damn hard time trying to actually stop the worry! I want to be content and to live my life with my boyfriend and live for today.. not worry about the future and remember the past. Why is it so hard?!
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Offline skleep

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Re: I love my fiance too much. I can't enjoy my time with him.
« Reply #3 on: March 10, 2014, 03:23:42 PM »
Sorry I'm late, but thanks for both of your responses!  It's true, sometimes I do not feel like I deserve my fiance.  I used to have the same issue with my mother :)
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