thank you all. vardnas, you are right. i have gotten several reassurances, from here and my family, but of course, it's not a magic potion.
i appreciate your directness, and again ask, what can i do. i said before that i need to figure out what i can do to help myself in the next 30 days. if anyone has an reminders on how to retrain my thought patterns, etc, that would be great. i do much better also, if i have a plan.
so for me, when i'm in this loop, i usually need reassurance, a plan if the fear does happen, distraction, - what else can i do?
right now, i'm just living in fear that she will die and i will freak out!