please read everything if you have time, i really need help and i want to make sure what i have is common or am i dying. i am only 20 years old
and my life is very hard to live. how it started:
basically i broke up with my gf of 4 years on 1st January 2013 on new years, whom i was with from age of 15-19. all my high school years grade 9-12, we both went to diff colleges and i found out she is with someone else and wanted to break up with me. which hurt me the most knowing she is with someone else now. she had been talking to him behind my back for the past 2 months before the break up. which was another heartbreak.
i was always used to being with her that i haven't learned to live my life alone, always talking to her, common group of friends, lives close by, like she was my wife. now that ive lost her, i am depressed (i think), the whole 2013 ive stayed home, didnt attend college or work, stayed in my room all year, stopped hanging out with friends, if i go out, everything would remind me of her, places, areas, people, and stuff. so i lost all the excitement and fun in life. So i would keep sleeping 12-14hours a day. i would have nothing to wake up for, same routine everyday, wake up, brush, sit on laptop, loss of appetite, no breakfast. sleep in afternoon despite the 12 hour sleep at night. eat a bit of dinner and go back to sleep, basically i would only wake up to eat or use the washroom, i feel bored 24/7 and sleepy. i found nothing interesting and had hard time keeping focus/concentrate on one thing. i got bored of it after 15-20min. i was so used the 4 walls of my room, i would just stay in there, avoid my family, i live with my parents and older brother. i lost all interest in life, so i would feel lazy to do anything. i avoided any other place in the house, only my room would make me feel safe and comfy, all by my self. my brain would have actives. i was so away from the world and reality, only thing i knew was to wake up to eat or to use washroom and go back to sleep. i wont even remember anything. i would keep thinking of my ex and the times we spent. i would have negative bad thoughts 24/7 no positiveness in my life what so ever. felt like crying in bed sometimes. i was (still am a bit) depressed. The real problem comes now:
now that its been a year, im over her abit, but still depressed idk what it is, i still dont feel excited about my life. some days are good and happy, somedays i just feel like being in bed. but recently for the past 4-5months, its gotten worst. i have panic attacks, i am so sick of being in my house and my own room. just being in this 4 walls is making me nausea and makes me go all crazy and mental and i feel like crying, its like i m hating my self because i have nothing to do, i keep thinkin what i will do 2moro, i keep feeling like a loser that i have nothing to look forward to, i feel like im a mental person now. i feel suffocated in my own house (where i should b feeling safe and nice). this past year of being at home had made me so mentally unstable that i developed anxiety. i keep getting panics if i feel any symptoms, even a bit of pain in my arms makes me think i have some serious illness and im dying. im not so strong anymore, im mentally so weak, im not happy, im avoiding many things i used to like at one point because of loss of interest and energy.
i have so many physical symptoms that leads to anxiety
- feeling dizzy, nausea, mild headaches, jaw pain, facial pain, feel so weak, unbalanced (like i will fall down), dry mouth, keep using the washroom, full stomach feeling 24/7. burns in my chest and stomach from the gas i think.
- my heart races so fast, i feel cold/hot chills. i shake and feel like my body is vibrating from inside
- vertigo type feeling, when i close my eyes or when im not moving, i feel like im moving and room is spinning and stuff. i feel that inside of my body is shaking, my brain and eyes r vibrating and it gets hard to look at something.
- my brain and head fills like its filled with air. my have chronic ear poppings and blockage since 8months.
- my ears and eyes r so sensitive, bright lights like the laptop light gives me panics and my vision is blurry, loud noises give me panic and i feel like i will faint, i cant focus on one thing for too long before my eyes and head starts to get confused and starts shaking. i can never feel happy or focused
- i have the feeling of being tipsy all day, i forget things, hard to focus, i feel sleepy and bored 24/7. its like i just want to sleep all day,
- i sleep for 12hours a day and i still feel like sleepying, i keep yawning and if im sitting in a comfy place i feel like laying down and closing my eyes and take rest
- past whole week ive been waking up in middle of night 2-3times, feeling sudden anxiety. my mouth is dry, i need water i gasp for air, i feel like i will puke n choke, i m shaking and i feel like crying, i randomly wake up from sleep like someone is watching me, and i will feel so hot that im sweating.
- neck and back lower pain from sitting all day or sleeping. pain behind my neck where the head and neck joint
- tightness around my neck, like someone is strangling me with a string, cause of that i wear lose collar shirts
- MY MAIN concern
is that i lost 25pounds over the year, because of loss of appetite. cause i sleep most of the day and only feel like eating abit due to the fear of stomach problems and nausea.
english is not my first language, i did not know what anxiety was or what it does. until i started googeling my symptoms everyday for the past 4-5months, after that i got the fear of me having anixety in my head, i got to know the word and what it is, ever since then i know i have sever anixety problems and because of that i keep developing new phobias every day (they come and go) and i am not doing the things i used to enjoy before. i have became mentally ill and unstable. 2-3 days out of a month are good, rest of the month is full of anxiety and worries. its mostly about my health that im dying. because of all this symptoms.
when ever i tihnk im having an attack, i go on google and read about my symptoms and read peoples stories about anxiety, it calms me down for a while knowing other people are facing this issue as well. but my main problem is i keep googleing things, the more i know about it, the more my brain takes in and turns it into a negative thought, for the whole past year i have done nothing positive, everything is boring and negative.
i would gladly visit my family doctor, but i dont know where to begin and what to tell him, first i will tell him all the symptoms im having, and rule out all the possibilities of actual physical illness. rest is just in my head mentally. so can anyone tell me what i can tell my doctor, where to start? how i should go about getting my treatment and where to begin.
because of this i have stopped having even a little bit of fun in my life, because im constantly worried that if i get too happy and feel normal i will come down crashing and i will face more bad anxiety when happyness is gone. even drinking one beer makes me tipsy and when the alcohol wears off i feel super anxious and panic, so even stopped drinking for the past year. i dont do drugs, i used to smoke , but even that gives me panics, so i stopped smoking as well. basically i was all healthy and i was 5.9 inch and had 145 pounds, when i was with my gf, when i was all happy and stuff, after the break up, i lost 25pounds, got all this physically symptoms, which got me anxious and i started googling stuff and ended up having anxiety that stays all day 24/7. and now im fearful for no reason. and its effecting my life and everyday things. all this happen in a year. the whole 2013.
i had few extreme anxiety attack in the end of 2013, where i was all shaky standing in front of a mirror, crying, hot cold chills, out of breath, i could not stop the shaking of my body, dizzy, nausea, huge headache, and eyes were sensitive and ears were sensitive to loud noise. i do admit it is gotten abit better from how i was before, but im afraid that if i keep staying in my house in my room all day and do nothing but google my symptoms and keep learning new things about anixty, it will get worst, so i need some boost or advice on how i can stay focused so i dont keep thinkin about it 24/7/