Well yesterday was a bit better than the day before, minus a short bout of sweating when I was in the dept office, maybe it was hot, maybe I just had to go to the bathroom, sometimes I can't tell what is a normal reaction and what is not to temperature or intestinal feelings on these meds. Then today I did not feel so well, took an afternoon nap after going out for a bit for the morning. I was tired driving back, and more so after eating a light lunch. Just felt out of sorts this afternoon, a bit anxious, depressed, sort of vague uneasiness feeling, along with a mild headache and some stomach discomfort which the remeron seem to have killed pretty quickly when I first started it. I spent some time looking thru my journals about the last two times I was sick, and a lot of it seems the same, especially the first time was long (like 2 years or so) and rough, with ups and downs, but eventually it ended and I had years of "normality" though on medicine. Second time it was a much shorter road to recovery (not easy, but way shorter) also followed by a decade of good times. This time is more like the first time, minus lots of heart palps which seemed to be something that was much more frequent and disturbing at that time. I also seem to have been more short of breath back then too. This time I have more sweats at night or at other times, though I can go a long time without them, and when anxious sometimes my upper arms have an unpleasant sort of pins and needles feeling which is distinctly unpleasant. Also have gone weeks without that but had some this afternoon but its gone now. Left a message earlier with the pdoc, she wont get it till next week, I wouldn't call her cell unless it was a dire emergency which it is not. I really did enjoy some nice anxiety free days this time, hope they come back or if we have to tweak something they stick around longer, maybe I am already habituated to the tiny dose of remeron (still fall asleep fine, and still get vivid dreams, but I am definitely not excessively hungry right now). May tomorrow be a better day.