Please, try to slow down. I know it's hard. Are you on any sort of medication for anxiety or depression? If not, I would suggest getting on some because it sounds like you are worrying yourself crazy. I have been there. I really have. With medication I was able to get my old life back. Now, my health anxiety is at an all-time low. I feel much better, and you can too.
With that said, I know you are terrified you actually do have lupus. You probably don't, BUT if you do, you are in good company. Plenty of people who have lupus have perfectly normal lives. I have an aunt who has lupus, she's 54 and just went on a cruise with a group of friends! She's fine! Medical technology has come a long way and lupus isn't a death sentence for most people who have it. Yes, it can cause the things you have listed, but those are worst case scenarios. Please, please, please, stop reading up on it! It's only feeding your anxiety. Naturally, you will only find the worst case scenarios online. People don't often write about the mundane, ordinary, every day lives of people living with lupus. They only write about the extreme cases.
Please go see someone ASAP. Leave the lupus-diagnosing to your doctor, but please talk to your doctor about getting on some anti-depressants. Share your thoughts with him. It sounds like you are having suicidal thoughts just from the prospect of having a disease that hasn't even been confirmed. If you must read up on lupus or other diseases, read inspirational stories about people living with them. People who live great lives. It will make you feel good to know these people exist.