This is unusual, but I have symptoms of "something" and have no clue what it is, and it's affecting my daily life and how I function. I'll give a little background first.
When I was 12-13 years old my parents had a light brown thick shaggy carpet in their bedroom, and I always hated it and completely avoided walking on it so I didn't go into their room, but if I had to go in there, I would tip toe and do it quickly, but I would feel awful and nasty as though I just walked through a puddle of maggots and worms and my skin, and it makes my toes and fingers crawl. I hated to look at it, let alone touch it.
As I think about it, I remember we had snails that would crawl on our carpet when I was about 4 and 5 years old and they would leave a snail trail behind. I can't remember all the details how I reacted to the snails, but I knew my Dad would throw them out, or flush them down the toilet, when we see them. I don't know if this all started with the snails and the carpet or not.
1. I don't like certain kinds of stains or spots on things. If something spills and makes a stain on carpet, furniture, the floor, on the ground, or anything, I will avoid stepping on it, sitting on or touching it. Not all spots, just the ones I perceive as nasty.
2. I try to walk around stains on the sidewalk, or the stuck black gum etc, and even the mud and grass now, because in our apartment complex there be animal feces throughout the ground, so I take it that any part of the ground in general I walk on is contaminated.
3. I have a hard time cleaning up spills, or almost any mess because I feel nasty and contaminated when I touch it, for example: this includes washing dirty dishes, touching the really dirty clothes, wiping filthy counters, cleaning toilet and sink. Even mopping up something nasty because I don't like when the nasty stuff gets on the mop, then I have to touch the mop and wring it out.
Not to say I don't clean at all, because I do clean and do these things. I just dread over it, anxious about having to do it, and will delay doing it until I work up the nerve to do it. Sometimes I will clean it up sooner than later; but a lot of times later... like someone else wasted coffee in the fridge this morning, but he didn't clean it all up, so I've been anxious over it all day because I know I have to face it, and clean it up.
I usually wash dishes everyday, but sometimes they sit overnight because I have trouble forcing myself to do it. Right now I know I have to wash the dishes and clean out the fridge, but I can't help but to feel nasty and unclean by thinking about it. I'm not afraid I'll get sick if I touch it, I just feel like I'm bathing in slime-gunk if I touch it.
I just feel like I'm surrounded by yucky stuff, like I'm trapped in a stinky pot of slime and can't crawl out. I do force myself to clean, so my home is not the yuckiest place to live, but it's torture to do it, or even thinking about doing it.
I hear that OCD includes compulsive behavior. I don't see that with me. I don't do any rituals like washing my hands constantly, but I try to avoid things, and trying to find out what's wrong with me. I was diagnosed with depression, social anxiety and generalized anxiety, and symptoms of ADD (but not diagnosed) but I never brought up the symptoms I discussed here, so wasn't diagnosed with OCD or anything. I can't afford to see a therapist or a psychologist right now to get a diagnosis, so I just want to know if any of these symptoms been heard of by anyone here.
People who's been over here, like a few associates can't tell I have this condition because I try to hide it. I do clean, so they can't tell at all.