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Author Topic: I feel like I can't do this!  (Read 197 times)

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Offline Lo213

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I feel like I can't do this!
« on: February 16, 2014, 08:42:18 AM »
Yesterday was actually an ok day for me. I had my usual scary symptoms in the morning, and on and off at work, but compaired to the days I've been having it wasn't nearly as bad. After work I was listening to music and singing with my son while my husband made dinner and I noticed that I got out of breath really easy. So I stopped. I went to bed after dinner and I remember at some point having a painful left arm and panicking but I fell back asleep. Then at 2am I woke up and felt anxious and had trouble breathing. I listened to three meditations and still didn't feel well. I started to finally get tired again around 4, but then I got a new chest pain that felt like it was going to my jaw. At 6 my husband refused to take me to the ER because he had to work soon. Somehow I fell back asleep. When I woke up my jaw felt uncomfortable. Kind of achey in the back. Then my husband left for work at 8, and he won't be home until seven tonight. Now both of my elbows hurt. I'm convinced (as usual) that I'm going to have a heart attack at any moment.

Now logically I could say the breathing troubles are allergies since I worked with dogs yesterday and I have an allergy to them, and the chest pain was probably gas, but my brain is stuck in panic mode. And now I'm stuck in this house with just my dog and 1 year old for 11 hours. We only have 1 car so I can't even just go to a public place to be around people like I used to do. Heck I can't even go outside because my neighborhood is really bad with drive by shootings and more burglary and robberies than I care to count.

I just can't do this. This is the first day my husband is working a full day at his job. And he's an hour away. I have no one to call to keep me company even for a little while. I'm afraid I'm going to break down and call 911, and then I don't know what they'll do with my son.
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Offline marc

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Re: I feel like I can't do this!
« Reply #1 on: February 16, 2014, 08:46:28 AM »
It sounds scary enough in the neighborhood you are in. That would give anyone anxiety. I would try to
occupy your time in enjoyable things. Try to call or get together with friends and family. Possibly go for a
consultation with a therapist, etc.
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If you're going through hell, keep going.
Never, Never, Never, give up.

Offline Hypo84

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Re: I feel like I can't do this!
« Reply #2 on: February 16, 2014, 08:50:56 AM »
You thought the same yesterday, and the day before that, and you will most likely feel the same tomorrow. You can't have so many heart attacks so it is anxiety.

Best thing for you would be get stronger anti-anxiety meds from doctor if you can. Or try to distract yourself, do smth that requires your full attention.

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Offline Lo213

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Re: I feel like I can't do this!
« Reply #3 on: February 16, 2014, 09:00:23 AM »
Being pregnant my ob won't let me have anything stronger. And Medicaid won't pay for a therapist because they don't seem to think my mental health is important. And I have no friends in town, so I'm stuck here all alone.

I'd like to believe that I couldn't have a heart attack every day but having anxiety doesn't mean I'll never have a heart attack so just because I didn't have one yesterday doesn't mean that today I won't. I feel like my symptoms are all warning signs. And the symptoms change so much in the way they feel that each one feels like this time could be it.
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Offline tinam7

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Re: I feel like I can't do this!
« Reply #4 on: February 16, 2014, 09:11:59 AM »
Think of the good day you had, singing with your boy, the fairly good night you had, your intelligent husband not taking you to the ER, your husband at work all day instead part of the day.

Do you have a notebook? Make it your friend. Write down the good things, the daily progress of your darling boy, how delighted he is with you, as are we, as you make progress yourself. You have a fine heart. Wish mine were half as good and I'm about 3 times as old as you.
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Offline Hypo84

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Re: I feel like I can't do this!
« Reply #5 on: February 16, 2014, 09:12:11 AM »
but having anxiety doesn't mean I'll never have a heart attack so just because I didn't have one yesterday doesn't mean that today I won't.

This is typical thinking of a person with HA. I know it very well 'cause I have it. 

You want certainty and it's just not possible. You may go out tomorrow and get hit by a bus, why are you not afraid of that too? It's possible.

As you can't have stronger meds and can't go to therapy, I would also advise this I would try to occupy your time in enjoyable things. Try to call or get together with friends and family. And, you need to try to just feel your fear and live your life anyways. It's very hard, but if you manage to do it for a couple of days your anxiety will subside.
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Offline Lo213

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Re: I feel like I can't do this!
« Reply #6 on: February 16, 2014, 09:17:55 AM »
My friends and family are all far away. I'm trying to convince my husband to move in with my parents and look for jobs there (they live in a much bigger city with better job opportunities) but I can't get him to go for it. His family is around but I don't get along well with them.
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Offline Hypo84

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Re: I feel like I can't do this!
« Reply #7 on: February 16, 2014, 09:21:45 AM »
Organize your day so that you don't have literally 15 minutes to sit at computer and post on forums. With that level of anxiety, you need to be very, very active.
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Offline soaringfalcon

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Re: I feel like I can't do this!
« Reply #8 on: February 16, 2014, 10:16:00 AM »
Journal!  Your journal is your friend.  Write it all down.  When I was at my worst, I was literally journalling all day long.  Pen shaking as I wrote. 

Also, activity, is your friend.  Create something that you have to occupy your mind with.  It's why I like to run because my mind is too busy thinking about just taking the next step than on obsessing.

Does your OB understand the seriousness of your anxiety?  He may outweigh the pros and cons and find a different med to help you.
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Offline Brick5711

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Re: I feel like I can't do this!
« Reply #9 on: February 16, 2014, 11:20:53 AM »
Your husband is doing the right thing by not moving in with your parents. That is very stressful on a marriage. I know because i did it for two years.
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Offline Lo213

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Re: I feel like I can't do this!
« Reply #10 on: February 16, 2014, 11:30:26 AM »
Even if it means we can get good jobs and buy a house on a nice neighborhood instead of living in a economically depressed town in a run down single wide in a neighborhood with drive by shootings?  I think our marriage can handle us living with my parents for a bit. Plus he wants us to move in with his parents when their new house is done but my BIL and SIL are going to live there and they do a lot of drugs which I think is inappropriate with children in the house. And his parents are okay with it because they don't think pot is dangerous.
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Offline Makayla

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Re: I feel like I can't do this!
« Reply #11 on: February 16, 2014, 01:03:46 PM »
That does sound like a scary and trapped situation your in. 11 hours is a long time to be cooped in the house. Not being busy and active can make  you feel worst. What do you and your one year old do all that time in the house? That will drive any anxious person up the wall.

I think it will be a good idea to find out for sure why your having chest pains. Any type of chest pains scares me. I understand why you suggested y'all move in with your parents for a short while because there's more job opportunities and you will have a chance at buying a house close to your family. Although some marriages don't survive a minute living with parents, there's at least one marriage I know that do well living with parents, but only temporarily. I hope you will soon find out what's causing your chest pains.
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