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Offline Lo213

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So depressed and hopeless
« on: February 10, 2014, 10:00:09 PM »
I don't even know what to do anymore. I spend every day with such horribly painful symptoms that are related to heart problems. I feel like it will never end. I'll never know whether a pain is real or from anxiety, so I know I'll never recover. I'm not enjoying my life at all. I dread every day. Looking at my baby and husband makes me burst into tears because I'm missing out on everything because I don't enjoy being around them. I'm so sad. I'm pregnant so my medication options are limited, an I've had allergic reaction to two of them so my doctor doesn't want to prescribe me anything. My life is so stressful right now. My husband and I are both out of work and just used the last of our money to get our water turned back on.  I just want to enjoy what time I have left. I'm laying in bed now with aching in my arm and jaw wondering if this is it. I don't know how to trust doctors when there's no way to really guarantee that a heart attack isn't around the corner. I'm so tired of living this way, and I don't see a way out.
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Offline Kindra11

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Re: So depressed and hopeless
« Reply #1 on: February 10, 2014, 10:31:53 PM »
I'm sorry you are having such a hard time  :( does your doctor know that you are struggling this bad? I think a therapist would be great for you, even if just to vent your frustrations. How far along are you? There is always light at the end of the tunnel, as soon as baby arrives you can resume meds to help you out, in the mean time people here are great to help you through rough times   :yes:
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Broken, But Not Destroyed

Offline Lo213

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Re: So depressed and hopeless
« Reply #2 on: February 10, 2014, 10:45:20 PM »
I don't know that my doctor really understands, and I only have Medicaid for pregnancy so I don't know if it would cover therapy. I have to go to the office this week and I plan on finding out.
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Offline Ssgirl

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Re: So depressed and hopeless
« Reply #3 on: February 10, 2014, 10:58:13 PM »
Hi Lo-
I can relate to alot of your experience. My first pregnancy was very rough. I was severely depressed and anxious..
First thing I did was make sure I got ready everyday.. even when I didnt feel like it. As hard as it- get up and get dressed. even if you are just going to be back in bed in a few seconds.
Second thing- I was on medicaid as well.. I found a clinic at a local college that offered very cheap counseling for students who were getting their masters in therapy. Even though they are official therapists.. they have a teacher who is a therapist monitoring them at all times. The student therapist I saw was awesome and she got me through some very tough times.
Most likely MOST of your symptoms are anxiety. I have learned through this crazy anxiety journey of mine that anxiety does strange things to your body. I have two small children right now... who I adore to pieces... and everyday is a battle to spend quality time with them. Its so hard. Sometime I just want to lay in bed all day.. but I cant let anxiety win. I cant let anxiety take away their mom from them. And you cant either. You have a precious little baby inside you that needs you at your best... and a little family too.
Also talk to your OB about your depression. Your OB can help you. Alot of your feelings may be heightened by all the hormones in your body.
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Offline Lo213

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Re: So depressed and hopeless
« Reply #4 on: February 10, 2014, 11:11:23 PM »
Thanks so much for the kind responses!

I did talk to my OB, and she's the one afraid of my allergies. She gave me visteral (it's a antihistamine) for anxiety but it hasn't helped at all. I slept for about three days and then my body got used to it and it hasn't reduced my anxiety at all. And I've had killer morning sickness, which is not helping me at all!  Duringy first pregnancy my anxiety actually went down! 

My poor husband doesn't understand, even though he tries so hard and had really been helpful at taking care of things around the house. The worst part about this is that I don't feel like I love him, or my baby, like I used to. I see myself being so self centered and snippy at my husband, but I can't stop because I just want to lay in bed and cry. I have a super short temper all of a sudden, and it seems like there's not a second that I'm not feeling a symptom.

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Offline Kindra11

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Re: So depressed and hopeless
« Reply #5 on: February 10, 2014, 11:30:23 PM »
Morning sickness can be brutal! Talk to your dr about Diaclectin. It's specifically for morning sickness and is amazing. I was a whole new person once I had it :) if you can't get a therapist then definitely use this board as much as you can. We are here to help each other back to our feet and don't mind being the brunt of your cranky days. It's so important to talk about how your feeling and to be 100% comfortable doing so. The people here are amazing and supportive.
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Broken, But Not Destroyed

Offline Lo213

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Re: So depressed and hopeless
« Reply #6 on: February 11, 2014, 12:13:53 AM »
Medicaid wouldn't cover diaclecyon because it was over $600.  I've been taking Zofran left over from my last pregnancy but it just takes the edge off.

Thanks for all of the support.  It's so easy to feel alone. My husband listens and tries to help but  there's not much he can do but hold me while I cry. He's been researching mental disorders and says he knows that the pain is real, and tries to help me by distracting me and talking out symptoms.
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