Chat Now!   Member Gallery    Member Articles    Games   Member Groups   Member Blogs   Health News    Bored?

Author Topic: Body dysmorphic disorder  (Read 373 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Offline Sylvanas

  • Newbie
  • *
  • Posts: 17
  • Country: 00
  • Rec's: 1
  • Gender: Female
  • Personal text
    • Poke This Member
Body dysmorphic disorder
« on: February 09, 2014, 08:30:01 PM »
Anyone else have this?

I'm still not exactly sure what came first, my anxiety or BDD. I had my ups and downs with this during my life. By the age of 10 I was suicidal (bullied a lot), a year later every time I had to leave my house for school I had panic attacks (tho they were different in nature than now). By 14 I was bulimic (luckily it didn't go to the point of no return). Basically my teenage years were filled with self destructive behavior, abuse and inability to socialize normally or function in a relationship. Since I was able to deal with it enough not to be confided in my house for years I think it's not so severe. Still my self hate greatly influenced my life quality. This is the first time I am talking about this to anyone except my therapist, I am severely ashamed of this, I feel shallow for caring so much about such a stupid thing as appearance. Whenever I saw an extremely pretty girl I would get suicidal, whenever I would look into a mirror I would get suicidal, yet I would spend hours looking and staring into flaws, if I had to go somewhere I would spent hours putting makeup, I would walk outside and go back in immediately because I had to make sure I had enough makeup, perfect clothing, perfect everything...but it would never be perfect, so I would skip my responsibilities and spend the day in front of the mirror.
It has gotten better since my panic attacks have gotten worse, because the feelings I get from them are too occupying, stronger than this.I'm not suicidal anymore, but the pure hate is still here. Until recently I didn't know what BDD even was until I started going to therapy. My reasons for my self hate always seemed valid to me.

If anyone has experience with this, I would appreciate hearing about it.
Bookmark and Share
I must not fear.
Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
And when it has gone past me I will turn to see fears path.
Where the fear has gone there will be nothing......Only I will remain

Offline Belinda

  • Newbie
  • *
  • Posts: 10
  • Country: 00
  • Rec's: 0
  • Gender: Female
  • Mood: Worried
    Worried
    • Poke This Member
Re: Body dysmorphic disorder
« Reply #1 on: February 11, 2014, 06:25:36 AM »
I can relate to what you're feeling. I've been struggling with an eating disorder since I was a teenager, and I'm also very self consious when it come to my looks. I find really thin girls very triggering and these "I'm not thin/pretty enough" feelings have even caused me panic attacks. You are definitely not alone with this.
Bookmark and Share

Offline Sylvanas

  • Newbie
  • *
  • Posts: 17
  • Country: 00
  • Rec's: 1
  • Gender: Female
  • Personal text
    • Poke This Member
Re: Body dysmorphic disorder
« Reply #2 on: February 11, 2014, 08:58:18 AM »
I'm glad to see someone replied.
It's just so preoccupying, walking down the street, comparing yourself to every woman you pass by, thinking how you are disgusting and worthless because you aren't perfect by your own standards of perfection.
It's a good thing I don't have much money, I would spend it all on surgeries and it would never be enough, it may even be worse. Sometimes I look into a mirror and don't even recognize myself, on "good days" I get surprised on how "normal" I look. But on bad days I look deformed. Almost like I'm hallucinating. A part of me knows how irrational I am, but the feeling of worthlessness and ugliness is much stronger and I can never fully shake it off.
Bookmark and Share
I must not fear.
Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
And when it has gone past me I will turn to see fears path.
Where the fear has gone there will be nothing......Only I will remain

Offline Belinda

  • Newbie
  • *
  • Posts: 10
  • Country: 00
  • Rec's: 0
  • Gender: Female
  • Mood: Worried
    Worried
    • Poke This Member
Re: Body dysmorphic disorder
« Reply #3 on: February 11, 2014, 09:20:46 AM »
I don't know if this works for you, but something I used to do when my eating disorder was at it's worst was only comparing myself to every third person I passed by. When I did that I realized how I usually pick out the few really skinny girls to compare myself with, and somehow also convince myself that everyone looks like them. But when I just allowed myself to compare me to every third person, I was suddenly not so horrible looking, compared to the average person.
Bookmark and Share

Offline Sylvanas

  • Newbie
  • *
  • Posts: 17
  • Country: 00
  • Rec's: 1
  • Gender: Female
  • Personal text
    • Poke This Member
Re: Body dysmorphic disorder
« Reply #4 on: February 11, 2014, 09:27:19 AM »
It's not a bad advice. It's just that when I would see somebody "not so good looking", I would still find something good about them, or I simply wouldn't focus on them since they had nothing triggering. Somehow in my mind it's ok if other people don't look like models, they are beautiful in their own ways, I just can't seem to apply the same standard on myself, it's not ok for me, I am never good enough for myself, if I'm not perfect, I am not worthy.
Bookmark and Share
I must not fear.
Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
And when it has gone past me I will turn to see fears path.
Where the fear has gone there will be nothing......Only I will remain

Offline JZK

  • Newbie
  • *
  • Posts: 14
  • Country: us
  • Rec's: 1
  • Gender: Female
  • Mood: Depressed
    Depressed
  • Personal text
    • Poke This Member
Re: Body dysmorphic disorder
« Reply #5 on: February 12, 2014, 07:55:21 PM »
Wow, I feel the same way about myself.  I avoid having my picture taken like the plague.  To top it off, I've been losing my hair for a year and a half, and when that started, so did my latest bout of depression.  I've always felt unattractive, and now I'll be bald on top of it.  I'm 51 and still compare myself to 20-something-year-olds.  People always tell me I don't look my age, and that seems to depress me more, because then I'll go home and examine every flaw, every sign of aging.  Are they blind?!!?  I can find something attractive in anyone, but I literally HATE my appearance from head to toe.  I've had a couple of surgeries and wish I had the money to have more.  Still, I know I'd never be satisfied.  Being thin isn't everything.  I've always been thin but would rather be and project the self-confidence of a heavier woman in skinny jeans walking with her head held high any day. 
Bookmark and Share

Online NinjaKitty

  • Jr. Member
  • **
  • Posts: 62
  • Country: gb
  • Rec's: 0
  • Gender: Female
  • Mood: Loved
    Loved
  • Personal text
    • Poke This Member
Re: Body dysmorphic disorder
« Reply #6 on: February 13, 2014, 07:07:01 AM »
I suffer from BDD myself, no matter how much I a told i am pretty or beautiful or anything i look in the mirror and see a ugly messed up woman. I do not leave the house without my make up on and dressing nicely (not over the top crazy full ball gown but always over dressed ) for example.... when i go to my Psych apointments my hair is done my make up is on I dress nicely, always wear nice fitting jeans beautiful shoes (why i do not know) and obviously smart and maybe too dressy on top (although i do try to hide my bust). But i always compare myself to everybody else and think i look shabby and ugly and worthless. My therapist is working with me on my BDD issues (exposure therapy for BDD who would have thought) I hate myself naked so my therapist makes me stand naked in front of a mirror (not with the therapist at home alone) for 30 seconds each day, it is really hard to do. My therapist also trys to get me to come to one a sppointment every so often with no make up on and in casual wear like jeans and a hoody to make me realise i don;t need to " dress up" to look good. I still can't let my partner see my naked i freak out and panic, im struggling with my body size and my facial features. I find it horrific every day that i actually hate the way i look in every way possible.

on the upside i feel slightly better now my hair has grown back (lost it due to chemotherapy) on the downside i have put on a lot of weight due to medication so i am focusing on that too much these days as well, im curvy and have a bit of a tummy (im bloated too) and i think i look huge when everyone tells me im healthy looking. I jst hope one day i will get over my appearance issues and become the confident person i was 10 yrs ago.

Kitty xx
Bookmark and Share
Currently surfing the anxiety waves!!
Current Meds
5mg diazepam 3xdaily
45mg mirtazapine at night
10mg Nitrazepam nightly
sumatriptan (doses vary)
Naproxen 300mg 3 x daily
Buscopan 20mg 4x daily
Lanzoprozol 30mg daily
Trazadone (dose varies)

Offline Sylvanas

  • Newbie
  • *
  • Posts: 17
  • Country: 00
  • Rec's: 1
  • Gender: Female
  • Personal text
    • Poke This Member
Re: Body dysmorphic disorder
« Reply #7 on: February 13, 2014, 12:38:26 PM »
Wow, I feel the same way about myself.  I avoid having my picture taken like the plague.  To top it off, I've been losing my hair for a year and a half, and when that started, so did my latest bout of depression.  I've always felt unattractive, and now I'll be bald on top of it.  I'm 51 and still compare myself to 20-something-year-olds.  People always tell me I don't look my age, and that seems to depress me more, because then I'll go home and examine every flaw, every sign of aging.  Are they blind?!!?  I can find something attractive in anyone, but I literally HATE my appearance from head to toe.  I've had a couple of surgeries and wish I had the money to have more.  Still, I know I'd never be satisfied.  Being thin isn't everything.  I've always been thin but would rather be and project the self-confidence of a heavier woman in skinny jeans walking with her head held high any day. 


I know exactly what you are talking about. Jesus I'm 21 and compare myself to younger girls, even younger self. We both know this is irrational, but it's not something we can just stop is it?
I'm still undecided as far as surgery goes, because if it went bad and I wouldn't like the result I would probably ***** and I wish I was overreacting by saying that.
I too am thin, and would trade it any day to be able to walk out with my head not sticking to the floor.

I suffer from BDD myself, no matter how much I a told i am pretty or beautiful or anything i look in the mirror and see a ugly messed up woman. I do not leave the house without my make up on and dressing nicely (not over the top crazy full ball gown but always over dressed ) for example.... when i go to my Psych apointments my hair is done my make up is on I dress nicely, always wear nice fitting jeans beautiful shoes (why i do not know) and obviously smart and maybe too dressy on top (although i do try to hide my bust). But i always compare myself to everybody else and think i look shabby and ugly and worthless. My therapist is working with me on my BDD issues (exposure therapy for BDD who would have thought) I hate myself naked so my therapist makes me stand naked in front of a mirror (not with the therapist at home alone) for 30 seconds each day, it is really hard to do. My therapist also trys to get me to come to one a sppointment every so often with no make up on and in casual wear like jeans and a hoody to make me realise i don;t need to " dress up" to look good. I still can't let my partner see my naked i freak out and panic, im struggling with my body size and my facial features. I find it horrific every day that i actually hate the way i look in every way possible.

on the upside i feel slightly better now my hair has grown back (lost it due to chemotherapy) on the downside i have put on a lot of weight due to medication so i am focusing on that too much these days as well, im curvy and have a bit of a tummy (im bloated too) and i think i look huge when everyone tells me im healthy looking. I jst hope one day i will get over my appearance issues and become the confident person i was 10 yrs ago.


Personally, I sometimes dress up, and sometimes being dressed up makes me feel like I am attracting more attention, and the last thing I want is people looking at me. So in a way I always have an inner conflict, I would spend hours getting dressed and then I would change my mind and walk out looking like a hobo. Then of course, I would walk a few steps and get a panic attack.
I too always had issues with sexuality and relationships, but it's too personal for me to talk about it even online. But I do understand how you feel.
It has gotten better for me too, I still have the same issues, I'm just not depressed every waking moment and it's harder for me to get "triggered" into bad thought patterns by random beautiful people. But on the inside, that huge hate is still boiling and eating me away.
I can't even remember when was the last time I walked the street or spent time with people and felt free, not analyzing how my every movement looks, how I look.
Bookmark and Share
I must not fear.
Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
And when it has gone past me I will turn to see fears path.
Where the fear has gone there will be nothing......Only I will remain

Offline JZK

  • Newbie
  • *
  • Posts: 14
  • Country: us
  • Rec's: 1
  • Gender: Female
  • Mood: Depressed
    Depressed
  • Personal text
    • Poke This Member
Re: Body dysmorphic disorder
« Reply #8 on: February 13, 2014, 03:16:37 PM »
Sylvanas-  I've had surgeries; only one I'm highly dissatisfied with.  It's personal, but I'll just say that no one can see it.  When I was your age and even older, I never worried about surgeries going bad, so you are wise to consider that, especially anything done to the face.  To me, all youth is beautiful.  My older son is 18, and when I drop him off at college, all the girls look beautiful to me--skin, hair, nothing sagging!  I wish I appreciated my looks more when I was your age and wasn't so critical of myself.  Take a look at middle-age women dressing like teenagers, heavy makekup, muffin tops, not girls younger than you, and maybe you'll feel just a tiny bit better about yourself.  Treasure your youth.  That's what I would say to you if you were my daughter.
Bookmark and Share

Tags:
 

Related Topics

  Subject / Started by Replies Last post
2 Replies
4989 Views
Last post July 10, 2007, 03:30:43 PM
by resting
6 Replies
1926 Views
Last post May 31, 2013, 04:04:25 PM
by MckayGriffin
2 Replies
2254 Views
Last post November 25, 2009, 11:38:31 AM
by Bama21
3 Replies
1318 Views
Last post April 27, 2010, 03:16:58 PM
by fourlilangels
1 Replies
708 Views
Last post February 10, 2013, 10:01:27 AM
by Cuchculan

anything