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Author Topic: Career ruining my life and relationship  (Read 275 times)

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Offline shad1212

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Career ruining my life and relationship
« on: February 04, 2014, 12:11:07 PM »
I am new here and I supposedly have GAD because I can't sleep at night.   I took klonopins for this problem when I was 21-23, at about 4-5mg/day.  I took them again at age 25 at 2mg a day for a few months, and now I have been taking 1mg/day for 2 months but started weening off of it again about 2-3 weeks ago.   I am weening off it by myself because I have a decent supply and I cannot afford to see a doctor. 

I think my life may be ruined.  I have been in a great relationship for about 6 months but my career is putting too much strain on the relationship.  My girlfriend and I are both 28 years old, and we are both lawyers.   We live in a major city that has an over saturated market.   She always complains about her career because she is at a small law firm where she is basically the secretary and does not get do to much legal work at all.   However, they pay her 65k. 

My job currently pays 29k.  Iíve worked here for a year and a half after passing the bar exam.  I get yelled at from the moment I walk in the door the moment I leave.  I am yelled at for things I was never told about nor responsible for.  I am not reimbursed for things that I was promised to be reimbursed for even though I bring it up weekly.   I had to move back in with my parents and I have to borrow from my savings account every month just to pay my bills (even though I have no rent).   I have over 100k in student loan debt even though I had a 30k/ year scholarship to law school.  I have been applying to new jobs for over 2 months but there aren't really any opportunities.

To make matters worse - I come from a large family.   My siblings were all offered over 70k in their respective fields before their graduation from college.   My sister was offered 62k as a public high school teacher.  I am the oldest sibling and oldest grandchild of the extended family.   Everyone looks down upon me as if I have done something wrong with my life.   

I am just not sure what to do anymore.  I cannot talk about this with my girlfriend because I don't want to push her away when she is the only thing that really matters to me anymore.  I am trying very hard at life.. I wake up at 5am everyday to hit the gym, work for 9-10 hours and then apply to jobs for about 2 hours for 4 nights a week.  I've met with the school career services after work and have prepared great resumes and cover letters.   

I feel like I have just utterly failed at life and that I am a huge embarrassment to my family.  I know that I will never be able to marry or settle down with the girlfriend or anyone while I am on this path.  It's all I can think about all day long and it ruins my day.    Everyday is the worst day of my life.
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Offline nervousnelly89

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Re: Career ruining my life and relationship
« Reply #1 on: February 04, 2014, 06:59:40 PM »
As an outsider looking in, it doesnt seem as if you are a failure. I can relate wih working a crappy job that doesnt pay nearly what you deserve. Like you, I am my own worst critic and I always feel like my life is doomed. You need to try to remember that as long as youre making an effort to change, you arent a failure. I have to remind myself of this everyday. As long as you are trying to fix whats wrong, you are doing ok. Some things take time so just keep looking for jobs, keep your head up, and have faith. I know its hard but good things are hard to get . Not everyone is handed a perfect life and it totally sucks but hard work will pay off.
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Offline SummerSun41

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Re: Career ruining my life and relationship
« Reply #2 on: February 04, 2014, 10:46:41 PM »
For one, you are FAR from a failure. Anyone who can get through law school is in no way a failure at all, plus it appears that you have a great girlfriend too! So what if your family members make more than you? It's not a competition, regardless of what they say. Life is about more than how much money you make or where you work! If there is one thing I've learned from watching numerous family members develop serious issues from their stressful careers, it's that IT IS NOT WORTH IT. Are you applying for any and all jobs in your field? What about broadening your search to include areas a little further away? I know it's not fun to work a long way from where you live, but it sounds like anything would be an improvement from where you currently are.

Also, is there a reason you're always getting yelled at or something? Or are your coworkers just jerks? It sounds like a toxic environment for anyone to be in, let alone someone with anxiety. I really feel for you and hope you can find a new job soon because working in a place like that just isn't worth your wellbeing!!
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Offline Lara71

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Re: Career ruining my life and relationship
« Reply #3 on: February 05, 2014, 07:37:03 PM »
You are not a failure. I have two master's degrees and work at a job which is not only not in my field beneath my education level. I've been looking for a job in my field for two years. (And I have 12 years of experience.) It simply sucks out there.

Please let your girlfriend in. I hated burdening my husband with my anxiety but he's been wonderful. Listening to me without complaint. Hugging me when I needed it. I let him know I will be there for him if he ever has a breakdown.
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Offline shad1212

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Re: Career ruining my life and relationship
« Reply #4 on: February 06, 2014, 11:13:16 AM »
I don't know to let her in.  It's really hard where we are in the same field and my job is actually more relevant, challenging, and takes a lot more knowledge than hers.   Hers is just lucky that it is a small office and her older bosses have no business sense and don't realize they could pay higher qualified candidate half the amount.   The starting salary difference will change both of our lives forever.   I think I could make as much money working jobs that I had in high school as I do in my current job.   I think about ending my life daily.
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Online BuzzBee1

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Re: Career ruining my life and relationship
« Reply #5 on: February 06, 2014, 01:33:31 PM »
Hi shad,

Welcome to the forum.  You are now a member of our community, where you will find support and advice from other members in similar situations.   It's always nice to find someone else who understands, and to know you're not alone.

We have sections in the forum that address specific concerns, so feel free to post or start a new topic in the section that best fits your situation.  Feel free to explore the rest of the forum.  You may find the other topics helpful, and you may be able to offer advice or support to someone else.

We also have a chat room for members over the age of 18.  Once you have made three meaningful posts, you will be allowed access to the chat room.

shad, I agree with summersun.  Stop comparing yourself to others.  You not only made it through law school, which is a huge accomplishment that u should be proud of, but you also had a scholarship, which tells me you  were a hard worker even before law school.  Be happy that your gf was lucky enough to get a job that pays well.  Don't give up.  This job market is incredibly difficult right now, but you'll find something.  Don't get discouraged.  Keep looking, and as summersun said, broaden your horizons a little......look a little further out of town (maybe relocating would actually be good for you), or look a little outside your field of expertise.

Good luck to you, and again, welcome to AZ.

Buzzy
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Offline pearljamfan

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Re: Career ruining my life and relationship
« Reply #6 on: February 06, 2014, 07:45:18 PM »
Hi Shad,

You cannot measure your success or failures by other people and their expectations. You are only 28 and no one can be considered a failure at that point in their life. You have to try to remove as much of the negativity in your life as you can. I graduated from college a a few years before you and have worked at a few places at this point. The truth is you are going to find a-holes everywhere you go. I worked 5 years with the biggest a-hole ever and that is when all my anxiety and panic attacks began and changed my life.  It does get better. You will eventually find something and for more money. I made $28k in my first job, $50-60k at my second job and now 7 years in i am up to $90k. The thing about money is that no amount ever seems like it is enough, but it does allow you to do more. Eventually, things do turn around and you have to believe in that, because it does. You have plenty of years ahead of yourself to be "successful" in your parents eyes and if they dont consider you successful shame on them. Student loans never go away, I know that. But you can push them off and refinance them over longer periods. You can also move out of the city where the cost of living is lower and things are more peaceful, which I know takes money. The biggest thing is to stay positive and come to terms that you are not stuck there forever.
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