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Author Topic: i need advice on how to get my hubby to understand  (Read 191 times)

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Offline kina

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i need advice on how to get my hubby to understand
« on: January 30, 2014, 02:27:50 AM »
Hi all I have been an health anxiety sufferer since 1995 I was awarded ssi benefits in 01 because of it. I have been with my hubby since 1996 we been married for 14 yrs. I said all of this to ask these questions. How in the world do I get him to understand what it's like to have these issues. I have recommended books showed him literature pulled up websites you name it I have pulled the resource. All he has ever done was glance or skim through it and say oh ok. Uhhhhhhhh hello no discussions no questions. Now I will say this he is so laid back nothing phases him. That's what frustrates me. I could be freaking out and falling apart and will simply state oh ain't nothing wrong with you just pray about it. Or his nastiness will come out and then it will be what's wrong with you now? You're hard headed ain't we in the Er and the Dr said your fine so what you asking questions for. I know he cares he just doesn't have a caring way of getting involved. What should I do and its not just with my mental health he is like that with anything that involves me it's like oh where r u going uh remember Steve I have a Dr appt. I told you yesterday. Oh yea I forgot it seems sometimes I'm not as important to him as he is to me.

Please help thanks
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Offline Cuchculan

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Re: i need advice on how to get my hubby to understand
« Reply #1 on: January 30, 2014, 06:07:34 AM »
I don't think he will ever fully understand it. You have to go through it to fully know what it is like. He doesn't sound like the type of person who would be willing to visit a therapist with you. That would be one way of doing things. But if he just seems to ignore it all the time I can't see him going for that one at all. Shame of it all is that a lot of people think you can simply click your fingers and it will just stop. They never will get what it is all about and what you go through. You have tried everything that I would have suggested as a rule. The only other one I can think of it him to visit a therapist with you. Sit in on a session. But his pride might stop him wanting to do that one. He probably is one of those who thinks therapists are for mad people only. Some people there is no explaining at all. They have their views. Which conflict with our views. Simple because they have never had it happen to them.
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Offline patmob

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Re: i need advice on how to get my hubby to understand
« Reply #2 on: January 30, 2014, 06:08:44 AM »
We have to keep in mind that the disease we do have is anxiety - not cancer, heart issues, MS, ALS, etc., but anxiety.

It can be very hard (and exhausting) to be the spouse of someone with anxiety because we're the little kid in bed demanding that they look for monsters in the closet "just one more time" but since they've done that a thousand times, they're not really interested in looking in there again.

I'm truly sorry he isn't more supportive, but we're the ones who have cried wolf far too often.
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Offline Sunlover

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Re: i need advice on how to get my hubby to understand
« Reply #3 on: January 30, 2014, 09:28:47 AM »
Someone that doesn't suffer from these things just doesn't understand.   My husband has REAL health problems (diabetes, gout, etc) and if I start complaining thinking I have MS or colon cancer or some such thing he just says, "You don't have anything, you are the healthiest person I know, I don't know what you'd be like if you had all MY problems!"  He doesn't understand that OK yes, healthy now, but one day one of these symptoms WILL be the REAL thing!  I just don't know which one or when it will happen so I have to worry and stress over EVERY ONE.
Or I'll say, "I feel real weird, maybe something is happening!"  He just grins and says, "Take a xanax"  (Actually that makes me feel better when he says that because I figure if he isn't taking it seriously I must be OK)
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Offline everette

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Re: i need advice on how to get my hubby to understand
« Reply #4 on: February 01, 2014, 11:33:08 PM »
Right now I am going through the second round of colon cancer anxiety in month. I actually go through my stools (poop) with a screwdriver and flashlight.
Just a few hours ago I did and when I came out my wife asked "it took you that long to to poop?".  She knows that I have been doing that for weeks.
I told her that she could not understand what this is like unless she went through it and that I hope she never does.
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