Hello! I just discovered this website. I feel better reading all the posts just knowing that I am not the only one who feels like I do. I felt like I wanted to tell my story.
I have been a worrier and anxious about things since I was a little girl. One of the first things I remember being anxious about was fire. I was worried that my house would catch on fire in the middle of the night and my family would die. I would wake up and think I smelled smoke and I would wake my mom up to see if she smelled it too. Then, as I got into my teens, I worried about a brain tumor every time I got a headache. In general I always worried that something bad would happen to my parents or me. I was very shy and nervous as a kid. I got married very young at 21 and soon divorced at 27. I found out that I had HPV when I went to my gyno and he said it was an STD and since I was only with my husband (soon to be ex-husband) I must have gotten it from him. That started my AIDS anxiety. My ex-husband admitted that he had been having an affair with someone and I heard that if you have an STD, you should get checked for AIDS. This was the mid 80's. I convinced myself that I had AIDS and was a complete mess for months until I had a blood test that came out negative. I was able to let go of that health anxiety.
Fast forward about 10 years when my father passed away from colon cancer. Very long story short, I had a panic attack about a year after he died. This was when the real anxiety started. After the attack, I had weakness and numbness in my left hand and left foot, along with major muscle twitches. This started my ALS anxiety. I also knew two people who died from ALS. I convinced myself that I had this. In 2001 I had an EMG on my upper body and left arm. Results were normal. About a year later I was still worrying about ALS and I had an EMG on my lower body and left leg. Results were normal. STILL not convinced (I felt that the doctor didn't do the test correctly or he didn't want to tell me that I had ALS yet). So I had a brain MRI and testing that took 4 hours at the hospital. Everything came back normal. So, I was okay after all that testing and could relax for awhile. All my symptoms went away and I didn't think about ALS anymore...until 2006 when my hand and foot went weak and numb and I had twitching again. I went back to the doctor and he said I was fine and didn't even do any testing. I went to counseling and I did get better again - my symptoms went away again...until 2011. My eye started twitching for about 6 months. Here we go again!!! All my symptoms came back again. I went to counseling and took Celexa. My symptoms did go away.
Here I am in 2014, and yes, my symptoms are back and I feel they are worse than ever. Just writing all of this I know it sounds crazy. I sit here today and I am still worried about ALS. This has been going on for 13 years!!! Why can't I stop thinking about this?! I went to my doctor last week to tell him my fears and he said he didn't think I have it. But then at the end of the visit when I said "so you don't think that I could have ALS" he said "well, never say never". Well, this just threw me over the edge!!! This made me worse than ever! So, that's where I am at this moment. Trying to function everyday without letting my husband or anyone know that I am suffering inside with this anxiety again. By the way, I have the best husband in the world and I don't want to let him know I am doing this again!