Once again I fear I am dying, at the moment I think I might have hemolytic anemia caused by an autoimmune disease, h1n1, and a pulmenary embolism. I've been bedridden the last few days because I fear I have h1n1 because I made a visit to the ER to get checked for a pulmonary embolism and had a stuffy nose and chills a couple days after. When I was in the ER I noticed it was particularly difficult for them to draw any blood, usually I'm an extremely easy bleeder and bruise easily, but this time the nurses couldn't get the blood to come out of me and the needles didn't cause large bruises as they always do. Anemia would also explain why I've been getting lightheaded after exercising and why my skin looks yellow and pale. I have often had a high bilirubin count which has been attributed to gilbert syndrome in the past although with anemic symptoms including slow blood which is a feature of hemolytic anemia I'm starting to lean that way. Also DVT and pulmonary embolism is a feature of hemolytic anemia so it would make sense that I could have both.
Today I've noticed that when I breath in it feels very cool, this has me concerned that I have some approaching lung infection or is a symptom of pulmonary embolism. Although a pulmonary embolism would not be a terrible way to go as many times it is only mildly symptomatic and if large enough could potentially cause sudden death. There are much worse ways to go.
Lately my hypochondria seems to be out of control as you can assess from the above post. I plan on getting a CBC test done but cannot see my family doctor for 3 weeks and who knows what could happen from now until then. I would get it checked at the ER but feel somewhat silly walking in and saying I think I might have anemia can you please check my CBC, as well if I don't already have h1n1 I put myself at risk of getting it and this year half of the people who have died of h1n1 have been between ages of 20 and 50 and many otherwise healthy, and I'm 27 so it scares the poop out of me.
I should realize that I have worried about dying many times in the past and nothing has come of it but this time again I feel I'm sure I won't make it another month. I lay in bed most of the time because I feel I'm recovering from h1n1 but at the same time I worry all the bed rest will give me a DVT and pulmonary embolism due to my high risk from hemolytic anemia. My place is a mess but I'm worried to exert myself cleaning it up in case I provoke the h1n1 into getting worse and getting pneumonia, my cupboards are empty and Im' barely eating or sleeping. I don't know if the lack of interest in food is due to anxiety and depression or if it is a symptom of some illness.
I am very aware that I am a hypochondriac and for that I am unable to reasonably assess which symptoms are real and which are imaginary. Whether I die of a PE or h1n1 only time will tell.