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Author Topic: The Biggest Betrayal  (Read 403 times)

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Offline Kushalyn

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The Biggest Betrayal
« on: January 17, 2014, 01:28:20 AM »
It's all kind of a long story, so bear with me. Last year my best friend met this guy (let's call him Jim), she fell in love, they got close, etc, etc...anyway, the three of us (along with a couple other people) spent a lot of time together last year. We all became super close until we were hanging out about 4 times a week. But somewhere along the road, I ended up falling for Jim. I remember the day I met him, I had this feeling like we were supposed to be together. But I didn't want to hurt her, so I swallowed my feelings and instantly tired to get over it. Months went by, and the two of them still weren't dating. They had a lot of problems on and off, but I never understood why they didn't make it official. During this time period I had completely forgotten about my feelings...but my friend had become extremely possessive over him. It got to the point where I couldn't even talk to him without her getting upset. He became her world. Suddenly she didn't know how to function without him, and nobody else mattered. She became a drag to be around, and very mean-spirited. Now, she's always been the clingy, jealous, over-dramatic type...but I had never seen it this bad. It was unbearable to be around. More months went by, and the wall she had driven between us was becoming thicker and stronger. The fact that the two of them still weren't dating made her suspicious and depressed. Their boomerang "relationship" was taking its toll on her, and she took it out on everyone else around her. I tried my best to be there for her and comfort her, but my efforts were futile. Then sometime in late September, Jim asked me for some help with a project. We spent two weeks on and off with this project, and we became close. I mean, we were close before, but this made us closer. Those feelings I had long ago...yeah, they came back. For nearly two months, I was completely entangled in him. I was head over heals for him, and there was no way out. I kicked myself for even thinking about him, because I didn't want to betray my friend. But...a few weeks later, he ended it with her. Turns out she treated him like crap, and he couldn't handle it. My friend was completely devastated. I felt so bad. I wanted to help her, but I couldn't do anything. And then it happened...maybe a month or so later, he confessed that he had feelings for me, so I confessed mine. We kissed, and it was the best feeling. That is, until I realized what I had done. I was now faced with a very difficult decision. Clearly I could not keep them both. I tried to refrain from closeness with Jim until I could figure out what to do, which was incredibly hard and didn't really work. But if anything, I had to tell my friend. Over the next month I tried to find a decent time/way to tell her, but I could never get it out. We got into some nasty fights over stupid things, didn't talk for a while, then talked again on and off. I never told her...and then the worst happened. Last night I got a message on ***** saying that she knows about me and Jim, and that she doesn't want to be friends anymore. My heart about shattered. I mean, I guess I deserve this. I should have just been honest, if anything. But I just can't help how I feel. I've never loved a guy the way I love Jim. He makes me genuinely happy. But now I feel like a piece of me is missing. My friend and I have been bffs for most of our lives. I never imagined my life without her. I'm crushed. I'm also worried about her, because she doesn't handle these situations well. I just don't know what to do. My friends and family just tell me to move on...but how do I move on from this? I ruined her, and I don't think I can ever forgive myself. :(
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Offline bluerose

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Re: The Biggest Betrayal
« Reply #1 on: January 17, 2014, 05:03:25 AM »
I think you went above and beyond being a good friend to your very difficult best friend.  Even though you had feelings for the guy who was her boyfriend you kept them to yourself and didn't come on to him.  I know you're upset that she's so unhappy but she brought this on herself.  He ended it with her before the 2 of you got together.  It shows what a compassionate and kind person you are that you're concerned for her feelings, but I don't think you should beat yourself up over this.  Your friendship with her is probably over and you may have to grieve that since you were friends for so long.  But I've learned some friendships are toxic and life is too short to spend it with people who treat your poorly.  I hope you can enjoy this new relationship with your new boyfriend.  She treated him poorly and lost him.  Good partners don't come along very often.  I hope you will let go of the guilt you feel and not let it ruin your relationship with this special man.
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You wanted justice, but there was none, only love.

Offline Jumbelly

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Re: The Biggest Betrayal
« Reply #2 on: January 26, 2014, 08:04:57 PM »
A friend of mine had a similar story. She was dating someone very seriously and decided it was time to introduce him to her roommate. When they met my friend describes a sudden weird current came in the room, like electricity between them. She believes that sometimes there is just an inexplicable connection between two people that cant be denied no matter who gets hurt in the process. To this day my friend hates her former roommate because of what happened. However, she also (in time)  knows that it was irrestistable for them.  This couple is still together almost 20 years later. My friend is also happily married now. Sometimes things happen for a reason.  But your friendship may not survive this.
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Offline pentopaper

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Re: The Biggest Betrayal
« Reply #3 on: February 08, 2014, 12:38:26 PM »
This may be harder than it sounds, but perhaps allowing her the distance she needs right now is the best thing you can do for yourself and for her. When she said "we can't be friends anymore", that is simply her dealing with the situation the best way she knows how. It may feel like it's the "be all end all" of it, but it's not. Friendship isn't determined by one person, it's determined by both. Because you know each other so well and she knows you care about her (she must!) she will come around. Take this time to breathe and reboot. Believe that she is doing what she feels is right for her right now. Keep her in your thoughts and take care of yourself, too.
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There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you. -Maya Angelou

Offline another

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Re: The Biggest Betrayal
« Reply #4 on: February 08, 2014, 06:29:38 PM »
Well, this isn't going to be what you want to hear. You have ruined your relationship with your friend. You have now gained a relationship with some guy that will not last, and will most likely end horribly. Enough information has been given about him and you to deduct that these things will happen. I'm sorry, but you made a big mistake. Just be prepared to learn from it when the inevitable happens.
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