My quick answer is I don't know . . .the longer version is that it can be done . . . .I had what I called my Mr. Spock period in life where I believed that I could be in total control if I just thought things over enough and figured out all the variables and accounted for them, etc. I also believed that if it could happen to 1 person, it could happen to me (and I still, in all honesty, do have to manage that but not to the extent that I had to do previously --- everything is a process and not an event and even the process is not linear but iterative) . . .
I guess and it is only a guess that I came to accept that I was not "godlike" in that I could control nature and the actions of other people and it took the passing of my parents to bring this to a crisis if you will for me. I figured if I did everything in the prescribed way then I could in some way make them well . . . but, nature has its own rhythms and some of them beat a bit too quickly for our liking but we do not have any control . . . . traumatic events happen, rare events happen . . . they are traumatic and rare because we cannot predict them . . .
You ask how you accept the inevitable . . . I came to a point (and I don't really know how or when) that I decided that whatever was going to happen was going to happen . . . no, I did not take up skydiving, but I gradually assumed the role that I was going to live every moment that I had regardless of the number . . . barring nanotechnology and robotics and artificial intelligence, the one fact that all of us share throughout nature is that we will die . . . I don't particularly enjoy the fact but if I dwell on it then that means all I am doing is watching every second die without giving it a chance to reach its potential . . .doesn't have to be big stuff . . . today I dropped off a coffee to a colleague who had a bit of a bad presentation . . . made both of us feel better . . . she for herself and me for her because I did something with that time . . . I used to worry about performance failure . . . .what would people think if I mispronounced a word or lost my place, etc.? One day I went to a major presentation and I did just that on purpose . . .there, that fear was over with because no one even noticed it and if they did, then it was history shortly after . . . .
Sometimes, and it is not easy at least it is not for me, you just have to make the decision to start turning every controlled second into a second of living . . . again, I am not advocating taking unwise chances such as throwing butcher knives in the air . . . you need to strike a balance between caution which prevents accidents and control which strangely enough can often cause them . . .
Sorry I could be of more help . . . .but we are a very extensive community and I am sure others might be able to give you more effective advice . . .do let us know, though, how you are doing? Take care, kc