I am from the land down under and have been suffering panic attacks for the last 9 years. I have been unable to identify the specific cause of them and as a result of i have had to stop doing the things that i used to love doing. It is a long story, as is everyone's and the main issue as the topic states is that i am wanting to be able to get on with my life and try to live it as i wanted to or as i was doing 9years ago. I used to work the winter season both down under and in Canada until i had to stop doing overseas seasons and just working the aussie winters. The main reason for this was my fear of flying that had arisen. Sounds simple, however i had been flying my whole life as my dad was and still is a pilot. I gave up working the aussie winters as it was not economically sustainable to just work the aussie winters and then struggle to try to find work for the other 8months of the year. I now work in a supermarket which is employment year round.
I now have a fiance who is a number of years younger than myself, but age doesn't, however i am starting to get very upset or anxious with myself that i am holding her back from doing things, living her life and experiencing the many things that life has to offer. This is also bugging me and has been now for over nine years.
Everytime that i think of doing anything for just me or for both of us whether it be going on a boat ride, train ride to catching a plane and travelling the world i get anxious and worrying about panicking. There have been numerous instances where we have gone to catch a train into the city and i have began to panic just thinking about the idea. When standing at the platform i get very anxious and the normal symptoms start to appear like getting sweaty, heavy breathing, racing heart and the feeling of a huge lump in my throat. It seems to get worse as the train approaches and then stops and the doors open. I then try to get up the courage to get on the train, that is if i havent already talked my self out of it before there is even a chance to board the train. What i have been finding is that when i actually board the train, or monorail, or cable car, or bus or boat i start to panic and the vast majority of the time have gotten off before there is time for the doors to close or the 'ride' to close it doors and pull away.
It is so frustrating to myself knowing that for the first two thirds of my life (20+yrs) i was able to all of these things without worrying and panicking and worrying about panicking and what if i panic. I am not really sure what i am looking for on this site but i stumbled upon it and was reading numerous blogs and it gave me a great feeling knowing that there are many other people out there with issues just like myself.
I guess that in a nut shell I would love to be able to travel the world again, and take my fiance with of course to experience life outside our suburban walls. I have seen my GP who diagnosed me with Panic Disorder/GAD about 8years ago. I have a script of Xanax which i still have tablets left from the original script. I have used them but not on important things like catching a train (more so underground), or going on a boat cruise or catching a plane as i just start to worry too much about the what if i panic, have a panic attack, chicken out or worse so have a panic attack in the air heaven forbid. My fiance is wanting to travel on a plane overseas as she keeps talking about it and i myself would love to as well but am just to worried about panicking before whilst waiting to board, hile waiting on board for the plane to depart (worst time for me is waiting) and panicking while on board in the air and what people around me including air crew will think.
I do understand that there is a vast amount more of information that is bottled up inside my head and that i have not put in this post but want to start somewhere and get my thoughts out there without boring people. Does anyone out there have something similar or have any input or suggestions in regards to this??