I am in such a bad state emotionally and my anxiety is extreme. Since last August I've had so much worry and anxiety -- started with being told something was up with my kidneys and I lost it waiting 2 weeks to see a proper doctor. So then they say oh don't worry or whatever. After I'd had a breakdown. I went on Celexa in September. I have been having tremors since upping the dose to 20 mg once a day.
I have been having problems over the past year or so finding words, typing the wrong words, making tons of mistakes, saying the wrong names, seeing the wrong letters for a split second and mistaking one word for another when reading. I have weakness in my left hand and twitching in my fingers, and migraines, and sometimes I strain too much on the toilet and give myself headaches so i wonder if I've had a stroke or seizure.
I am a pack of nerves and tremble all the time. I get angry and panicked and feel claustrophobic and panicky when I'm alone too long or have to wait for something too long or can't contact someone right away. I am severely depressed so I stare at walls a lot and think sad thoughts.
I keep wondering if I have CJD or something like dementia that's destroying my brain and ability to think right. I worry constantly and I saw a neurologist about a month or 2 ago who did the office exam and said I have migraines but he didn't see anything else. That was before my left hand was getting more weak, though. It tremors more strongly than my right and twitches more. When I hold my left hand a certain way my fingers jump a bit. I do lean on my left elbow constantly and I'm online many many hours a day (my life, pretty much). I have constant shoulder stiffness and soreness so it could be some pinched nerve or carpal tunnel. I do get weird feelings in my face too sometimes, like a weird slight numbness on the left side and this can also be felt sometimes in my left arm and leg. When I sit in the car I sit too hard on the left side and make my left hip sore and my leg numb. My left foot has been feeling weird for months on and off -- just on the top I feel this weird nerve thing like a nerve is pinched, like a sizzle tingle thing. WHen I touch the skin on top I feel it on the side.
My nerves are shot. I'm in a constant state of extreme panic. I take the celexa but it makes me flat and depressed. It also caused a lot of symptoms. I hyperventilate constantly. I have surges of adrenaline when I'm scared that goes through my legs like hot water. I sweat a lot and sometimes have nausea and dizziness or feel like I might pass out but I don't.
My iron is low and I'm fatigued.
I don't know what to think anymore. My neurologist in Canada basically is away all of january and I can't see him again til february. I'm in the states right now visiting my family. I don't have enough money to get an MRI out of pocket. I can go back to canada as I'm on a waiting list for a brain MRi but it can take 6 months to get called. So I'm waiting, but I'm not sure if i have a disease that's hurting me or if it's the anxiety. I don't know if I can or should be waiting 6 months for the scan. I worry about Alzheimers even though I'm only just turned 41. My uncle had it in his 70's. I qworry about CJD even though it's so rare. I worry about Lyme and thyroid issues because I have not been tested for those. I may have celiac and need a test for that.
I have serious money/family/self esteem problems. I don't feel like I belong anywhere (i originally wrote "anymore" just to show how I can't type). I read that some of the word stuff an be from thyroid, migraines, depression, anxiety plus a lot of scary stuff like strokes and more stuff I don't want to mention.
I need my brain checked and I feel hopeless and alone. I can't get an MRI here unless I guess I go to a hospital. If I go then I won't be able to pay the bill which I'm sure will be the price of a house. If I go back to Canada I can wait or pay out of pocket maybe 600 or 800 dollars and have my supplemental insurance cover 80% of it. I have about 800 in the bank, that's all i have. I feel like I can't get doctors to take me seriously.
I am so depressed because of it all. I feel like I can't get any care. I called neuologists here in Texas but some said they don't even see personal pay people and one never called me back. I keep looking and just to see one will cost 200 - 400 and that's just an office visit. I need an MRI just to rule out some stuff but I don't know if I should just wait or go to a hospital. I feel like they will think I'm overreacting.