I've been trying really hard to understand my HA. It's a fairly new thing (since the birth of my 4 month old) and I am REALLY trying to figure out what is going on in my mind. I want to beat this, as it is completely ruining my life. In the last few months I have "had" melanoma, breast cancer, pancreatic cancer, and brain tumors, and lymphoma. Of course all of these are stage IV and in my mind I wont live to see next Christmas. Having these thoughts are completely exhausting, as all of you know. I'm drained. Mentally and physically drained. I am driving my husband crazy. He does his best to be supportive, but I can understand him being fed up by a wife that is constantly crying because she "knows" that she has cancer. I try to put myself in his shoes and I would be annoyed, too.
I have OCD, which I am sure has a lot to do with my HA. I have always had to have something to obsess over. When I find something to occupy my mind, it sticks. I realized that my current obsession with my health is a bad habit and it is the perfect thing to feed my addictive personality. I wish I knew how to make it go away, I'm only hoping that I can find something else (less stressful) to focus my attention on. Any thoughts on this?