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Author Topic: Constant unease/mental symptoms  (Read 248 times)

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Offline Chilly

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Constant unease/mental symptoms
« on: January 06, 2014, 04:43:50 PM »
I've been dealing with some pretty heavy anxiety and depression for a while now, and I've run through just about every symptom in the book it seems. But by far the hardest to shake for me has been intrusive thoughts and constantly attaching a negative connotation to everything.
    The intrusive thoughts were pretty bad at one point. I couldn't be around anything that could be considered a weapon for fear of hurting myself or others, I couldn't be around children for fear of the monstrous thoughts that would sneak their way into my attention. It all made me incredibly scared and the guilt these thoughts brought with them ate at me for months. I literally thought I was losing my mind.
    Thankfully the images have died down (maybe the meds are helping, maybe reassurances from my therapist has helped), but I still have a lot of lingering feelings of unease. It's like the images are gone, but the persistent worry of becoming a violent person of some kind is always there.
    I've never been a violent person, but I'm afraid all of this negative thinking has somehow permanently affected my mind. I guess what I want to know is if anyone here has experienced this sort of thing, and how you've managed. I really miss my peace of mind.
Thanks in advance.
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Online Cuchculan

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Re: Constant unease/mental symptoms
« Reply #1 on: January 07, 2014, 05:49:18 AM »
I don't think you are a violent person at all. I think such thoughts seem to hit people's minds who would dread the thoughts of such things happening. In other words if I had this fear of my mother getting stabbed, the thought might hop into my head. The thought alone would be bad enough. But then the thought it was me doing it would be even worse. Bit like taken one of yours biggest fears and throwing it back at you in the form of a thought. But made worse still with you as the one carrying out the act. So I don't think it is something you would ever really do. It is just the mind tossing your worst fears back at you in the form of thoughts. But I would imagine it is frightening having such thoughts. But just know that is all they are. Thoughts. They are not really you.
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The Lovable Irish Rogue

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Re: Constant unease/mental symptoms
« Reply #2 on: January 07, 2014, 12:59:37 PM »
Hi Chilly...  You are most certainly not alone; I too have those intrusive/negative thoughts, and have felt at times that I was losing my mind.

It is really amazing, both the mental and physical symptoms that anxiety can cause.  I have run the gamut from A-Z of the physical symptoms, and my intrusive thoughts have been close to incapacitating at times.  I will never forget the hatred for my girlfriend, that sprung-up from nowhere.  Sometimes just seeing a dirty fork in the sink could send me off in a tailspin that I won't be able to take care of myself.  I remember an old Star Trek episode from the 1960's, where Captain Kirk went through the transporter and returned as two people, a negative one and a positive one.  I guess in reality we all have that inside of us.  As Cuchculan mentioned, we are not just merely our thoughts; we are so much more than that.  I have heard that if you are hypnotized, you cannot be programmed so to speak, to do something you wouldn't normally do.  That being the case, your intrusive thoughts are not going to turn you into a violent person.

What medication are you on, Chilly, and what therapy are you undergoing?  I was started on 20 mg of Celexa some 6-7 weeks ago.  I will be starting cognitive behavioral therapy at the end of the month.

Hang in there, Chilly!  The very best to you!...  Chuck
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Offline Chilly

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Re: Constant unease/mental symptoms
« Reply #3 on: January 07, 2014, 08:50:27 PM »
Thanks for the responses guys. I can logically tell myself that it's all just from anxiety, but the feeling is hard to shake and it's nice to talk with people who have an understanding of the subject.
As far as meds, I've been taking Celexa for about 10 weeks (20mg for a 4 weeks, 40mg ever since) and Xanax .5mg when needed, Which I held off from for a while because I was a little worried about how I would react to it and I also knew it can be habit forming. I have been used it most recently for an airplane trip to help keep me calm.
I have been seeing a therapist for the past month or so. We are using a mix of exposure therapy and Cognitive behavioral therapy. It seems to be helping, but it is definitely not easy to go through sometimes. I do try to remain optimistic as often as I can, though (I think we all know how hard THAT can be  ::)).
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