I have been hanging out with a neighbor next door. She is a single women like me around my age. I have the tendency to open up to people which is great if that person has empathy and is not judgmental.
We have started talking a lot about dating ( since I am newly single) and I guess I talked about it too much. I was heart broken a few times since I develop crushes easily. Since I though she was my friend I told her about that. She already told me that I worry to much. Lately I was going through another stressfull time because I just had surgery from a brain tumor ( at least not cancer). I was stressing about it a lot because it was not sure if it was cancer but doctors didn't think it was and it wasn't. My neighbor was very supportive by taking me to grocery stores after surgery ( since I couldn't drive, she was also giving me a blanket as a welcome home gift and brought some cookies over and even invited me and my daughter over for Pizza ). I always thanked her for it and I thought that I would invite her to dinner somewhere after recovering a bit and drive again. I was very down lately because of my dating experience and than the brain tumor. On top I have an anxiety disorder and I have a hard time hiding it sometimes from people. Today I got several text messages that I am talking to much about my problems and that she feels like a counselor and I should do something about my anxiety. She also feels unappreciated by me. I know I could't return any favors yet. I responded to her that's to bad that you feel so annoyed by me and if I m bothering her with my problems than we don't have to hang out. After critizing me some more over text I finally critized her back. I texted that she often talks too much and she seem to be very critical of people ( she does complain about other people a lot) and it was only a matter of time that she becomes annoyed by me. This of course made her very angry. She was dishing it out to me but can't take any critizing back. I just wanted to make
a point that we all not perfect and even she had some annoying traits. I didn't expect her to give me gifts and invite me over for dinner. This was very nice but now she tries to make me feel guilty for it. She also has very different views about dating and probably looks down on my relationships. She is very conservative and prude ( I didn't tell her that of course).
When I was scared about my brain tumor I always have to hear " don't worry, this worry doesn't help you".
She lives next door which means I will keep running into her and I don't know what to say. Of course this conversation was all over text so she doesn't have to look me in the eye. She kept telling me a few times that I am so anxious and worried all the time. I texted she really doesn't have to hang out with me if she is so annoyed. I texted her my anxiety is my weakness and I know that. I really feel judged by her because of my anxiety. Has anybody experienced that with people ? How do you deal with people who are annoyed by your anxiety ? I wish she wouldn't be my next door neighbor. If she would live somewhere else I just wouldn't communicate with her anymore. We both live in a condo complex which is even closer than living on two different properties with houses. I felt judged by her for a while but didn't say anything.
I had the surgery 2 weeks ago and feel still tired and I possibly will go blind in one eye from the tumor. I was really sad about reading these texts this morning. I don't expect that people feel sorry for me but for me it's probably a bit harder to deal with these issues because of the anxiety. How do you hide your anxiety from other people and pretend you are always happy and nothing worries you ever ? I really feel that people looking down on people A LOT with anxiety and also with depression. Seems like we are weaklings for the rest of society.