Thank you everyone who replied - and sad_dad, my thoughts are with you. As crazy as this sounds, the weight issue is one thing that is somewhat calming to me - because I feel like I have control over it. Perhaps getting on a weight loss regimen would give you more courage and optimism, especially as you see routine medical/blood tests get progressively better as you lose the weight.
I am only very slightly overweight right now (with a BMI of 26 - 25 being normal) though with clothes on, nobody could tell. Yet the thought that I can get this darn BMI exactly to where it needs to be via MY ACTIONS, is incredibly empowering.
Cells multiplying out of control, with no one being able to stop them - this is a horrific nightmare for me.
That being said, I ended up at the ER yesterday because the fear, pressure and the need to know NOW - got the best out of me. I was hoping they would be able to do an endoscopy there, so I won't have to wait until Monday when the GI dr. scheduled one in his office.
I was in such distress I could not put it in words. The ER dr. said something about needing a scope but that this is difficult to get "after hours" (as if this was not an ER!) and wanted me to do a barrium swallow x ray instead. I could not believe one of the biggest and supposedly fanciest hospitals in this country do not have an endoscope in the ER at all times. Instead, they were all too willing to fry me with radiation.
So I refused - because radiation is another one of my terrible fears now.
I had enough of it in the past, before becoming aware of its dangers (between quite a few dental x rays over the years, CT scan years ago when I hit my head hard at work, x rays for the foot, x-rays for the neck spine with the chiro, the first mammogram last year...and a few more I probably can't think of now) - I was not going to get anymore for sure.
They told me they can't tell me if I am in critical condition without this test, but I stood my ground and said no.
They gave me an anxiety pill and eventually sent me home, after they made me sign a paper that says I refused treatment.
So 3 more days of mental agony.
I continue to have belching, bloating, sensation that food gets stuck in the pipe or slides too slowly...
It is a nightmare.
I had never had reflux before - but the gastro managed to worry me even more yesterday when he said that I could have had it for years without being aware of it bc the body gets used to it. When I mentioned the cocktail of medicines I was put on recently (azythromicing, amoxicilin, prednisone, and some ibuprofen I took for back pain) and which may have triggered the reflux episode - he brushed it off. He appeared to want to be convinced this is something I have had chronically just because I have post-nasal drip and clear my throat a lot in the morning. He said acid reflux and post-nasal drip can be related (or confused with reflux) but I know for sure my usual throat clearing comes from post-nasal drip, not splashes of acid from the stomach, because I was diagnosed years ago with chronic rhinitis, I am stuffy and congested very often and I feel the darn thing going down from my nose in the morning all the time. By contrast, I rarely - if ever - get a burp with a bit of acid splashing up.
So I still don't know why it was so hard for him to accept that this episode of reflux could have been triggered by the cocktail of medications - as if these medicines are sacred and could do no harm ever.
Sometimes I have a feeling these doctors have a criminal, secretive pact to always defend/cover up for the nasty side effects of pharmaceuticals they prescribe constantly. Lord forbid should anything practiced by the medical establishment in collaboration with those greedy pharmaceutical companies should be challenged or questioned.
And yet, it is exactly while I was taking these medicines that symptoms started. I even felt a few amoxicilin pills burning my pipe a few minutes after getting them in, as I made the mistake of taking them with very little water. And it started from there.
Now I am counting the minutes until Monday morning. I pray I can get back to life after the endoscopy - as right now I am hardly alive.
Through a miracle from the Good Lord - they will say it was just an episode of reflux but my esophagus itself is not damaged.
If it is GERD, I hope not too much damage has been done over the years.
If it is an Esophiliac Esophagus - I would be OK with that - at least I know I will have to find out what foods I am allergic to and stay away from them.
I just pray they don't find Barret's or ...oh Lord, that thing that creates so much horror in me I can't even type it.
Thank you again for any thought, help or encouragement...
I am trying so badly to focus on this fact, namely that a never-smoking, non-drinking, fruits-and-vegetables eating female of 41 has a very low chance of this horrible disease; and yet, my mind can't process it well enough to create a bit of calm in me.