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Author Topic: How do you know...  (Read 245 times)

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Offline jennam22

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How do you know...
« on: December 28, 2013, 09:21:03 PM »
...when you finally need to see someone to solve your problems?

A brief background of my situation-- over the last 3 years I have lost 4 integral members of my family (my grandma, my grandad, my uncle and my father). The death of my father hit me the hardest (it's been almost 2.5 years) and it continues to hurt every single day. What started out as grief has seemed to manifest itself in a variety of different manners: sometimes I feel physically ill, sometimes I feel lower than low, sometimes I feel completely on edge, so anxious that my heart feels like it will leap from my chest, and sometimes I just want to wallow in my sorrow.

 Point is, this is not who I am. I used to be so carefree and full of life, and now I'm living half a life and I feel trapped like things will never ever get better. It's like my life is divided into two different parts- the old me before my dad died and the new me after my dad died. I have moments of clarity and retrograde and I feel like old me again, but the feeling of finally getting better is just slightly out of reach; like a word on the tip of your tongue that you are so close to spitting out, but the harder you try to remember, the more you forget.

I'm just wondering at what point do you discover that grief is actually becoming depression and it's necessary to reach out? I know that grieving has no specific time span, but I also know that traumatic losses such as these can overtime become a trigger for major depression.
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Online Cuchculan

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Re: How do you know...
« Reply #1 on: December 29, 2013, 06:11:52 AM »
People do things in different ways. Your way might be different than my way. Both of us are not wrong. We are both dealing with the same issues in different ways. The key word here is dealing with. If you are not dealing with it then you need help. If it has taken over every minutes of your life you need help. I know death is never a nice thing. It is always good to remember the dead person. But we have to learn how to let them move on. We can remember them and let them go at the same time. But it is always good to talk. It can be emotional. But crying is a good thing at times. It is letting go of what you are holding inside of you. If you know you are depressed as a result of all of this I would seek out help. Just that one person who can help you deal with your thoughts and your emotions. They are trained in what they do. So if you feel like it is bringing you down, then I would seek out help.
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The Lovable Irish Rogue

Online tinam7

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Re: How do you know...
« Reply #2 on: December 29, 2013, 09:16:17 AM »
Cuch's advice is right on. I'll share what happened with me. For me it was my brother's horrible death that had profound impact. Wanted to go with him. But now (it's been 2 years) I've done a turnaround. I will do all I can not to end as he did.

Don't know how your father died, but you can decide you won't go that way, you will live and he can live in you. Don't know if this makes any sense, but my brother returns to me most every day. He inspires me to fight for physical and mental health in all ways possible.
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Offline CarrieAnn

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Re: How do you know...
« Reply #3 on: December 29, 2013, 05:05:49 PM »
I have also dealt with a lot of deaths in my family. Most recently my Mom (Aug. 2012), then 8 months later my brother in law. In 2007 my husband's youngest brother who was 21 at the time was killed in a tragic car accident. And my father in law then passed away in 2010. In between there I've also lost three pets (cats), which hurt just as badly.

The loss of all these people had different levels of grief for me, but I grieved non the less. My 21 year old brother in laws death was a shock which left me in a state of denial for a while, then I accepted it finally. When my husband and I got married he was our ring bearer, and for years he would spend the night at our house, we called him our adopted son. So, it was a big, big loss.

My father in laws death was sad and painful, but since he had been very ill with cancer his death put his suffering to rest so therefore it was easier for me to accept. He also lived a full life well into his eighties.

When my cat Baby was killed by getting struck by a car I was absolutely devastated. I could not peel myself off of the couch for a couple days.

My Mom's passing was by far the most, absolute worse grieving I had ever experienced in my life, emotionally as well as physically. As I said she passed in Aug.2012, I was the one who discovered her after she passed. I had the frame of mind to immediately call 911; was pulled into the other room when the paramedics were performing CPR. The total shock of finding my Mom deceased put my anxiety over the top. Upon finding her my heart rate shot up, I did not sleep for 4 days---don't know how, but I successfully made it through her funeral without ending up in the hospital (which I thought I might).
I was very depressed for weeks afterward; had trouble eating so I supplemented my meals with Ensure drinks (the 'weight gain' one). I managed to finally get on with a normal sleep pattern. The worst of my grieving lasted about three months. I would have bouts of crying and missing her so much I would feel like I was coming out of my skin. What made me feel better was knowing that my Mom would not have wanted me to be in such a sad state. I could just hear her saying, 'Oh, don't feel so bad, I'm ok'. These days I'm at peace with her passing, and my grief has subsided.

Everyone grieves differently, and I've read that a person may think they are finished grieving and then go through it all over again---that is what happened to me. But that is just the process of grieving, it is what it is.

If you feel it has depressed you to a point where you find it hard to function daily, such as, get out of bed, eat, work, my advice would be to seek professional help. But if you think you are going through the normal motions of grief if you can just hang in there it does get better.

Best of luck to you! :)
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Offline Isa

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Re: How do you know...
« Reply #4 on: December 30, 2013, 01:15:04 AM »
I've had some tragic losses in my life as well, I won't describe them here but I want to say that I've waited way, way too long to finally see a therapist. It took full blown panic attacks to hit me to the point where I could not physically make myself stop crying in front of family members to finally get the support I needed to admit that something wasn't right. Please don't let that happen to you, it took me a full year of my initial thinking I should see someone to actually get there, and it has been making such a difference for me to have someone help me who knows what is going on in my brain and can help me understand why it is all happening. If you are considering it, I would definitely say try and see someone. Wouldn't have to be long term, but do not wait a year like me for symptoms to get as bad as mine did. You might be able to get yourself over the hump on your own, but if you can't you don't want to be worse off than you are now. Please consider it carefully.
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